Getting Less Mugged

**Cliff DOG** · Posted On: 9/04/2012 9:25pm

You could Pimp around town with the Tops Knives Hawkin Stick.

Associate Editor of Blade Magazine Brendan O'Brien, recently wrote: Sept 08
"The Hoffman Hawkin' Stick from TOPS is another modern take on the classic tomahawk design. Modeled after the European (FOKOS), a 13th century design walking stick, the Hawkin' Stick evolved after designer Terrill Hoffman spent a few years using a custom FOKOS. The Hawkin' Stick serves as a comfortable walking stick, camp tool and combat piece." ...Also, plenty of room for extra goodies in the bottom of the handle, like fire starter, blade, hooks, saw, a few dollars... safe and secure and out of sight... and your able to pull it out, when the moment is right.
Summary: this is a very handy little walking stick, equally at home in the woods or the street, looks inoffensive, but watch out!

**The Question** · Posted On: 9/04/2012 9:58pm

To help preventing yourself getting mugged, you need to start mugging motherfuckers. Allow me to expand:

The motherfucking facial expression you have should make motherfuckers think that somebody pissed in your coffee this morning and then slapped your mama, and you been trying to **** a ************ up all day. A facial expression like you wish a ************ would try something so you dig out 2 feet of asphalt with his skull and ****. Like you one straw away from slapping a ************ with 3 yards of barbed wire. Mean mug every goddamn thing around. Mean mug like a ************.

Because when you mean mug, you get less mugged, nah mean?

**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 1:36am

Originally Posted by Devil

Convince people you're batshit crazy. How many bad guys pick the crazy ************ to rob? You already dress like a fucking mental patient, so you're halfway there. Maybe talk to yourself. No, not talk. Argue. Argue with yourself. And drool. You'll be good to go.

Does singing count? Like, if I'm just strollin' down the street, singin' Wings of Vengeance or Christraping Black Metal?

**Ignorami** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 1:58am

When someone points a gun at you and demands your money, try to get the barrel of the gun in your mouth.
The mugger will move the gun away to prevent it. It's basic human nature.

Terms and conditions may apply.

**Tom .C** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 6:15am

Originally Posted by TheMightyMcClaw

Does singing count? Like, if I'm just strollin' down the street, singin' Wings of Vengeance or Christraping Black Metal?

I would go with "You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings" and make some fart noises. Or just be aware of your surroundings and don't put yourself in bad places at times when you are alone.

**Devil** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 7:45am

Originally Posted by TheMightyMcClaw

Does singing count? Like, if I'm just strollin' down the street, singin' Wings of Vengeance or Christraping Black Metal?

Well, of course it counts.

I also like the mean mug idea. Study Mark Wahlberg. He's the Michael Jordan of mean mugging. He mean mugs when there's no reason to mean mug. He mean mugs when he's eating breakfast with his wife. He mean mugs when he wins the lottery. He mean mugs little children at the park.

**erezb** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 8:16am

Dye your hair blond, they will think rape and by the time they realize their error, you can pick up your pants and run away unmugged!
If you decide not to impersonate a tall big nosed blondie than when you see suspicious looking people, reach into the small of your back and keep your hand there, it will seem like your are holding a gun just in case. A serious point: in your fake wallet you need to have enough money for a couple of "hits", usually those robbers are junkies, and they need to see their next hit in your wallet otherwise they get angry. I guess holding a hundred in it will be enough, they don't bother with cards because people block them too quick and they risk too much. Put some crap in it, the money in small bills so it looks more, and they will leave you be. Also don't wear a flashy watch, cell phone and other desirable stuff, luckily for you most people won't value the stuff you wear and will think you are a broke ass hippie.

**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 11:07am

Originally Posted by erezb

Dye your hair blond

My hair is already blond; I'm thinking of dying it purple next.

**ermghoti** · Posted On: 9/05/2012 9:06pm

Keep a throwdown wallet, and act like an utter bitch if you get robbed. Gape, stammer, look like you're about to cry if you have the acting chops. Dig out the throwdown quickly, hurl it at them, and run away screaming for help. Crooks get to decide whether to go after wallet, or screaming crazy person. Easy choice.

If that offends your sense of manly manliness, keep bill-sized printouts of goatse, lemon party and tubgirl in the wallet instead of money.

**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/06/2012 12:44am

Originally Posted by ermghoti

Keep a throwdown wallet, and act like an utter bitch if you get robbed. Gape, stammer, look like you're about to cry if you have the acting chops. Dig out the throwdown quickly, hurl it at them, and run away screaming for help. Crooks get to decide whether to go after wallet, or screaming crazy person. Easy choice.

If that offends your sense of manly manliness, keep bill-sized printouts of goatse, lemon party and tubgirl in the wallet instead of money.

I was considering carrying a wad of Monopoly money with the words "**** YOU" scrawled on it.