Getting Less Mugged

**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 3:45pm

As an alt fashion designer, I lead an interesting and exotic lifestyle, which involves traveling around the united states to go to conventions where people throw money at me by the bucketload. It's great.
But one downside of this is that it means I occasionally find myself doing things like walking through unfamiliar streets of New York or Chicago, alone, late at night, with two thousand dollars cash in my pocket. And whenever I find myself doing such, I can't help but think "man, getting robbed right now would really suck."
Fortunately, given that I am a tall, athletic young male typically wearing suits of armor and spiked gloves (alt fashion, remember), I'm pretty sure I don't exactly come across as the easiest of victims for would-be ruffians and knaves.
So anyway, aside from the typical "don't walk down dark alleys" kind of advice, how can I most I play my odds at not getting mugged, pickpocketed, or otherwise robbed while traveling for business? I used to have a little concealed money pouch that I used for international travel, and I'm thinking of getting a new one to keep my giant piles of cash in when doing business-travel, and then keeping a dummy wallet with a little bit of cash in it for small transactions. Any other bits of wisdom?

**W. Rabbit** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 3:54pm

What you need is a personal 1250mW laser, you could even shoulder mount it on your armor, like the Predator.

Make sure you get the safety glasses.

**dflanmod** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 5:01pm

Wear assless chaps. Nobody fucks with a man wearing assless chaps.

I think the money pouch is a good idea. But I think it would be much cooler if you could integrate something of that sort into one of your pieces of armor.

I think you've covered most of your bases by looking imposing and staying away from trouble areas.

Maybe carry a throw away wallet with a small amount of cash and some bogus cards in it to give up if you do get jacked.

**ChenPengFi** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 5:10pm

Get one of these to limit the amount of cash you need to carry.
https://squareup.com/card-reader

Carry dummy wallets containing a few bucks and fake cards etc to give up.
Keep all your cash in separate stash places; belts, pouches and hidden pockets should be a piece of cake for you.
I have a couple pairs of jeans with velcro pockets hidden in the hems for example.

**Tom .C** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 5:47pm

Originally Posted by ChenPengFi

Get one of these to limit the amount of cash you need to carry.
https://squareup.com/card-reader

Carry dummy wallets containing a few bucks and fake cards etc to give up.
Keep all your cash in separate stash places; belts, pouches and hidden pockets should be a piece of cake for you.
I have a couple pairs of jeans with velcro pockets hidden in the hems for example.

attach your wallet to the side of your Glock

**Vorpal** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 6:55pm

Keep your hands out of your pockets. Stay off your cellphone. Know where you are and where you are going. Know when it's smarter to pony up for a cab. Don't stop to talk to people. If you see one, think two, if you see two, think three. Be ready to run. Be ready to fork over that cash if you have to. Stay in groups if you can. Stay out of New Jersey.

**Devil** · Posted On: 9/03/2012 8:23pm

Convince people you're batshit crazy. How many bad guys pick the crazy ************ to rob? You already dress like a fucking mental patient, so you're halfway there. Maybe talk to yourself. No, not talk. Argue. Argue with yourself. And drool. You'll be good to go.

**Big Bear** · Posted On: 9/04/2012 12:02am

be prepared to **** yourself on short notice, no one wants to mug a man who smells like fresh ****.

**Bneterasedmynam** · Posted On: 9/04/2012 11:29am

If you already have armor on why not acceserise??:

Seriously though if you're going to get robbed in Chicago it's probably going to be by gunpoint, so the dummy wallet idea is a pretty good one.

**Azatdawn** · Posted On: 9/04/2012 4:47pm

Are we allowed to do the off-topic jokey thing in this forum?

If so, ages ago, I read this one on youtube:

New fight tip: Go buy a realistic looking fake penis. Shove blood packets in the hollow penis’s shaft. Always carry this fake penis with you duct taped to your inner thigh. The next time some cowboy starts talking smack, step in front of ol’ twat lips, shove your hand down your pants and rip the fake dick out while squeezing it to burst the blood packets. Scream like the incredible hulk. Then, hold the dick in the air, throw it on the ground, and just stare. He won’t **** with you after that.”