8/24/2012 12:43pm, #11
One time downtown I arched back and jumped as hard as I could to get some asshole off my back who was trying to choke me. Knocked the wind out of him- probably from me landing on him.
He was smaller than me, so it probably wasn't so impressive, but you do what you can when you're being choked.
8/24/2012 1:11pm, #12
@ RWaggs, That's badass, but kind of a thread killer you fucker.
I have balls > brains moments pretty much every time i paddle out surfing/bodysurfing, that's kind of the point so i'll forgo those.
While i've never gone over a damn waterfall, on various occasions i've rescued a total of 6 people in the waters around here. (Not including working as a guard at the Waikiki Roughwater Swim, i pulled dozens of assholes out one year...)
Usually i just yell at them, maybe slap 'em upside the head to make them stop panicking and they are all good and they swim in pretty much of their own accord, with a little guidance.
One time i was riding my bike along the Ala Wai Canal and was flagged down by an old woman pushing her husband in a wheelchair.
"The baby! The baby!!",
she panted frantically while pointing at the fetid canal.
Yep, sure enough there was someone's kid floating face down.
So ****, here i go and jump right into the oil-slickdiaperpalmfrondrottencarpetshoppingcartstampo nappliocatorsevilmantisshrimpsMRSA water and grab this brat and drag him up on the grass.
I did the routine pretty much textbook style,
"Hey you in the red shirt call 911 now, get an ambulance!"
He wasn't breathing when i pulled him out.
I had him on a slight slope and when i was checking his airway he started coughing.
..just then these enormous hands drag me away from the kid and he's immediately surrounded by the drunken, freaking-out family members who were bbq'ing a short distance away.
I was not given a second look after that, no thank you, nothing.
8/24/2012 1:26pm, #13
8/24/2012 11:43pm, #14
A friend of mine and I decided to climb Mt. Shasta. We were 23 years old. And stupid. This is a 14,000 foot peak with snow and ice all over it. Ice axes, crampons, etc.
So we get the ice axes and crampons at the rental shop, camp overnight at the base camp, and get up in the morning, clad in blue jeans and ski jackets. Everybody else looked like the Michelin man with helmets, like they were climbing everest. My friend actually was wearing shorts, and he was stung by a bee so his leg was swelling.
At a certain point, my friend loaned me one of the liner gloves he had, so each of us had a liner glove. I think he was actually wearing shorts.
We decided to head up this snow chute and this giant boulder the size of a television came down. I ran one way, it changed direction toward me. Ran the other way, it did the same. Flew by my head.
A couple of time my feet went flying out from underneath me and I barely grabbed my axe which was stuck in the snow.
I don't know what made us turn around. Probably brains."We often joke -- and we really wish it were a joke -- that you will only encounter two basic problems with your 'self-defense' training.
1) That it doesn't work
2) That it does work"
8/25/2012 7:37am, #15
While posing as a gas man one time, I ended up in a protracted stand-off with a large, territorial turkey in a deserted suburban alleyway. It was obvious this prehistoric-looking son of a bitch wasn't going to leave me alone, so rather than spritz it in the face with my dog spray I decided to strip down naked and take the ************ on Beowulf style. The fight ended with me bagging the cock and tossing it over a fence to some pitbulls I knew.
Something to note is that I neglected to put my clothes back on, which made it a lot more difficult to get into people's houses. But I swear, I read every single meter in my quota that day.