Ideas for safety, kids, teens, and so forth

[patfromlogan]

In teaching martial arts one of my concerns, specially for children and young ladies, is that the students acquire some real practical skills. Similarly for adults, I now teach what I read here on Bullshido a while back - aggressor says, "What the **** you looking at asshole?!?!?" and one replies, "Sorry, been a long day, just spacing out." The object being to escape, and to avoid fighting. The teflon approach. Not the velcro attitude - Keep The Inner Ape On A Short Leach, - you have much more to lose than aggressor; never think of confrontations as worth violence, unless there is no choice.

I try, often with much effort and repeatings, to first teach kids to scream at the top of their lungs, "He's not my daddy!" This came from a Bullshido sad video of a 12 year old girl being led quietly across a parking lot by a perp. I want the kids to scream, bite, flail, freak the **** out! The point is to attract attention in any way possible.

Hardcore repetitive training karate and jj taught my own daughter to have a sense of This Is My Body and You Get Close Only With My Permission. This sense comes from sparring and specially sd drills, throwing uke down a couple thousand times and I don't think that there's any shortcuts. Most students won't, however, spend eleven straight years training, starting in KK at seven. So I look for ways to impart practical sd for the less serious student.

The good touch bad touch - basically I teach Where Your Underwear Go is Off Limits and kids have to TELL and tell quickly a trusted adult. This gets into who are the trusted, and getting kids to figure what feels OK and what feels weird, and if it feels wierd for God's sake don't just put up with it. TELL! Right away TELL! Never hold this **** in, it's your body and that's the most important thing, that it's YOUR body and you gotta stand up for yourself.

A site I read had it like this
1)The first thing child should do is immediately say NO, I don’t like that, stop! (and I add, do it LOUD! REAL LOUD!, make a scene, you can scream and please do now, in practice - a lot of kids have a problem screaming and yelling, as many have problems striking, but they get it eventually) Stop now!
2) Get **** out of there, and
3) Tell.

The principal at a local middle school said every year he has kids, usually girls, come out with abuse stories after they have a self empowerment It's My Body lesson or two. All it takes is a little push, because they know it's wrong, but don't have the skills to come out until taught those skills.

Another issue that many young women face is unwanted hugs. The Karateka girls showed many years ago a technique that they'd learned somewhere, perhaps the 3rd dan grandma (nothing like the loving mother hen who hugs the kids and is so encouraging and sweet, AND beats the **** out of wise ass teens). We teach this to the young ladies in our Mountain Friends Camp (a rather huggy place - the gay councilor had lots of young honeys hugging and climbing on his lap - not ONE young honey was stupid enough to climb on my hetero lap, go figure!):

Unwanted Hugger Perp (UHP) comes up with his arms out, smiling (and drooling, can't wait to get a feel!! Pant pant pant!) and moving in smoothly for a nice "friendly" hug. Girl, the soon to be ex-victim, quickly slaps her hands together, a foot or two in front of her chest, toward Perp, turns and steps to the side and front in a flanking move. Girl can say hello, or **** off or whatever seems appropriate.

We've had to emphasize this stepping out/side move - some girls can do the clap, then they stand there and cringe. NO CRINGING! It's all about empowerment, taking charge, being assertive. And this has been a proven technique that works well.

There is/was a 50ish Perp (fired elementary school teacher) who hung out at the local coffee/expresso shop, hugging girls he hardly knows. He knows my wife and daughter from preschool years and made the mistake of going after them. They said that it quickly got really weird, after he got away with some contact and they then put him in his place when he started with the repeated grabs accompanied with fake love bullshit about how close they used to be etc etc. Real asshole. So with some of the coffee addict young ladies expressing concerns I/we taught the clap/move technique and they reported that it worked like a charm, leaving him empty handed and puzzled.

This is effective because it's a surprise move that is non-confrontational. It's not a push away, which requires more aggression. And it's a lot safer than what some women do, lean in so only the shoulders touch, or lean to the side to minimize contact - unwanted contact is made easily by the Perp often anyway. Perp has no chance when clapped/flanked. I think for teen girls this is a great technique. For adult women who don't want to offend Perp for some reason, perhaps a hand shoved out quickly for a hand shake would work.

[Devil]

Good tips. I think a key for everyone - men, women, children is that they have to learn it's okay to be rude.

I personally find it extremely satisfying to be rude to someone who's infringing on my space. I enjoy using subtle verbal clues like "************, you better get the **** out of my face." Or when I cut somebody off mid-sentence and they respond with, "Oh I just wanted"....and I cut them off again with a polite "I don't know you and I don't give a **** what you want." I then bring it back full circle to the familiar and trusted "************, you better get the **** out of my face."

My wife is naturally much nicer than me, but I've gradually gotten her to the point where she's appropriately cautious and skeptical of people's intentions. And to where she's willing to be a complete bitch when necessary.

The kids, I'm still working on.

[ermghoti]

I'd read recently that in the absence of family/familiar adults, kids should not be directed to find a LEO, as they could view pretty much anybody with a uniform as a figure of authority. Instead, they should find an adult woman, as women are exponentially less likely to be predators than men.