The Presidential Hunger Games

**PointyShinyBurn** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 9:47am

Teddy Roosevelt, Andrew Jackson and Ronald Reagan have all got to be early favourites due to proven ability to get shot and keep on trucking.

**Scrapper** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 9:53am

Taylor? He was killed by a bowl of CHERRIES for ****'s sake! He'd hang, I agree, but no shot at the title.

Reagan was 76 when elected. Not a prayer.

**Devil** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 9:58am

Originally Posted by Scrapper

Taylor? He was killed by a bowl of CHERRIES for ****'s sake! He'd hang, I agree, but no shot at the title.

But think about all those poor bastards that died from a bowl of Zachary Taylor. Hell, Chuck Norris could end up being killed by a bowl of cherries but he's still Chuck Norris.

**Rivington** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 10:28am

William Henry Harrison gets the most kills as what he brings with him from the inauguration is his pneumonia, which quickly wipes out every president that served before 1940. Sorry Teddyfags, your asthmatic wheezer is going down. Nixon hops on Ford's shoulders like Master/Blaster from Mad Max and tears through FDR and Clinton and Bush 43 pretty easily, but lo and behold nuclear engineer Jimmy Carter—whose weapons appeared to be nothing but a bucket and a rock—creates a primitive dirty bomb (the rock was radium!) and takes care of Nixon/Ford, only to attacked from behind and buggered to death by LBJ. Obama reveals his real birth certificate in the hope of forfeiting and being removed from the arena, but this doesn't work, so he goes insane and tries to kill JFK, who as a superior sportsman snaps Obama's neck, only to succumb to wounds from the fight himself.

Meanwhile, Bush 41 and Truman are off by a babbling brook, both in tears. They can't deal with the carnage, or the smell, and so after filling their pockets with rocks and grasping hands they wade into the water together and drown themselves. Reagan, who was hiding in a tree, sees this and starts laughing hysterically. The bough he was sitting on breaks, sending him to his death. LBJ dances around the corpses, declaring himself the winner, not noticing a a rhythmic thudding sound off in the distance. It comes closer and closer, and finally the treeline splits open and it's:

Eisenhower, who by the luck of the draw got the best weapon of them all and who had spent the last day carefully reading the technical manual. He makes a quip about how he guesses the military-industrial complex ain't so bad after all, and crushes LBJ's head like a hot grape with his pincer claw.

FIN

**Permalost** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 12:22pm

Jimmy Carter wins by expertly crafting a shelter and passing the time in it by shaping a nice rocking chair. After everyone else kills each other, said shelter is given to a low income family.

**Devil** · Posted On: 6/12/2012 12:56pm

Alliances:

John Adams / John Quincy Adams
William Henry Harrison / Benjamin Harrison
George 41 / Dub

Another argument for Taylor as the dark horse: Power in numbers. Taylor / Madison / Polk - second cousins. Also, they could potentially form geographical alliances. Virginia has the most Presidents: Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Harrison, Tyler, Taylor, Wilson.

Ohio is the second leading state with 7 but one of them is Taft. Let's call it 6.

Be aware - Badass Teddy also has an alliance - Franklin. He was married to Teddy's niece.