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  1. Frunk is offline

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    Posted On:
    4/04/2012 6:42pm


     Style: Kyokushin

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Martia LARP - Fang Shen Do LARP school

    This is quite simply the most hilarious thing I have ever witnessed.
    I literally have logged in for the first time in years just to post this.



    It appears that a young FSD instructor has started a serious LARP training school in order to teach young nerds how to protect their virginity.
    Why do I say it's serious? Because there's at least an hour of free training videos on the following youtube channel:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/GenerationGamingca

    Unfortunately for our english speaking members, it's in french.
    Here's the résumé.
    For a mere 50$ a month, you will learn the secret art of dodging weak sword swings aimed at air and the art of blocking swings aimed at your sword. You will also flail around like a jedi and train scripted combo moves with the same three partners.

    Here's the background: I am an avid LARPer, of the large scale wargaming kind. I like to hit armies of people with foam weapons while wearing armor, in a low magic setting. We don't take it very seriously. It's good fun, but it's no martial art. A few days ago, I stumbled upon this horribleness thanks to a friend of mine. It made the rounds on our LARP forums, but the Fang Shen Do link puzzled me, so I googled here for a potential McDojo link. What do you know, they appear to be a familiar punching bag for Bullshido. Now I'm sharing this here to let you all bask in the glorious hilarity.

    The thing is, not only is he teaching kids the absolutely irrelevant art of LARP fighting, he's actually bad at it.
    Why can I say that?
    1. Relevance
    Well, the first thing you should know about LARP, is that there are a million different systems. Even in the action-oriented, low magic systems, equipment and positionning are ludicrously more important than actual ''skill'' with a short sword. For example, no matter how good you are at dual wielding short swords in a t-shirt, you will still get horribly destroyed by a guy with an halberd, armor and a shield.
    Also, much like in THE STREETS, you will almost never be in a fair 1 vs 1 duel.
    In a high magic system, it's even worse. No matter how good you are, how well you set up your backstab or how well you are armored, you can also be destroyed by a lightning bolt cast by a balding 45 year old man with an invisible magical armor.

    So, in conclusion, if you want to become good at YOUR larp, you read the rules very well, gear up in consequence, fight there a lot and learn the terrain by heart. No amount of 1 vs 1 training in a dojo will save you from being backstabbed by a trebuchet or an orc horde.

    2. Being bad.
    This man is bad. Here are a few things which you may learn in his dojo.
    I am not a weapons martial arts guy, but this seems completely retarded from both a LARP standpoint and a real life standpoint.

    You will learn how to combo at air with a dual-bladed staff
    (3m52)

    Presumably he left out the yelling of ''THREE FIRE! THREE FIRE!'' on each hit.

    You will learn how to perform the chainpunching routine with short swords (1m23)

    You will also be trained to flail wildly in order to intimidate your opponent (he used the term ''moulinet'', but hey):

    Such flourishes have their place if you're in The Phantom Menace, otherwise they're a fine way to get your sword knocked out of your hand.


    Seriously just click any video and enjoy the hilarity, bad advice and the use of unneeded technical terms. You might be told to use the ''Zero-pressure, perimeter number 18 slash with a double-blade, and never forget the principle of chaining!''
    In other words, hit the man in front of you with your foam stick and don't stop.

    It all reeks of classic self defense videos, with the instructor combo'ing on a student that doesn't fight back.

    This is inspiring me to create actual LARP training videos. I would focus on the subjects that truly matter:
    1. How to seduce that cute scene chick who plays a vampire sorceress. (Actually don't she's the village bicycle)
    2. How to trip monsters who use stilts while making it look like you're innocent.
    3. How to intimidate people by screaming a lot of black metal lyrics.
    4. How to derail a bad scenario made by railroading DMs by stealing the quest items.
    5. How to run in full plate armor and make all the haters shut up.
    6. How to get through the damage immunity of certain monsters by hitting way too hard with a very mundane weapon.
    7. How to start fake quests and sell treasure maps that lead nowhere.
    8. How to annoy the katana fanboys by pretend-murdering them with inferior western-style weapons such as halberds and crossbows.

    So, that's pretty much it.
    Enjoy and have a nice day.
  2. Permalost is offline
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    pro nonsense self defense

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    Posted On:
    4/04/2012 6:49pm

    supporting member
     Style: FMA, dumbek, Indian clubs

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I had to pause to confirm that the mop haired guy in the first video is, in fact, wearing a DIO shirt.
  3. Frunk is offline

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    Posted On:
    4/04/2012 6:52pm


     Style: Kyokushin

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This isn't surprising.
    An inside out metal shirt is basically baby's first LARP costume when combined with a cape, black jeans and a duct tape bastard sword.

    Oh and by the way, the ones labeled ''Theory'' are often way more cringe worthy, especially if you can understand french.
    Because you see, the theory of foam swords is very complicated.
    Last edited by Frunk; 4/04/2012 6:58pm at .
  4. Frunk is offline

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    Posted On:
    4/04/2012 10:28pm


     Style: Kyokushin

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is how you salute your king:


    This is how you fight an air elemental:
    Last edited by Frunk; 4/04/2012 10:34pm at .
  5. andrewa is offline

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    Posted On:
    4/05/2012 10:43pm


     Style: Grappling/BJJ

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm speechless......This will definitely merit some further research.
  6. slamdunc is online now
    slamdunc's Avatar

    Extraordinarily Ordinary

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    Posted On:
    4/05/2012 10:51pm

    supporting member
     Style: TKD, CMA & American Kenpo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Permalost View Post
    I had to pause to confirm that the mop haired guy in the first video is, in fact, wearing a DIO shirt.
    Dio is probably rolling over in his grave. Oops, no, he actually did a LARP video once. At any rate, R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio
  7. Lindz is online now

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    4/05/2012 10:56pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: comparison shopping

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ce n'est qu'une calice plein de connerie. Good find.
  8. ryu101 is offline

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    Posted On:
    1/13/2013 6:23pm

    Bullshido Newbie
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is the highest level of crap-fu I've ever seen . He says in the video be careful,this shot is illegal .Dahhhh, you're hitting with a double edged lance all shots with this are illegal. How did this moron get a school. How can you post something like this and expect people to take you seriously.The moves their doing with the double blades are kali stick fighting forms.They would not work with swords .Just ridiculous.
  9. itwasntme is offline
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    Middleweight

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    Posted On:
    1/13/2013 7:34pm

    supporting member
     Style: being less stupid

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Re: Martia LARP - Fang Shen Do LARP school

    Quote Originally Posted by ryu101 View Post
    This is the highest level of crap-fu I've ever seen . He says in the video be careful,this shot is illegal .Dahhhh, you're hitting with a double edged lance all shots with this are illegal. How did this moron get a school. How can you post something like this and expect people to take you seriously.The moves their doing with the double blades are kali stick fighting forms.They would not work with swords .Just ridiculous.
    This guy already came here and said this is just for fun. If I recall, "LARP" is somewhere in the name. Either way, he seems to be upfront about his "style".
    Start a training log!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ming Loyalist View Post
    i really think that those who can't get their head around the bowing thing (because their angry sky daddy will punish them) don't deserve judo. life is full of choices, and if your bronze age superstitions are holding you back, so be it.
  10. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    1/13/2013 8:03pm

    staff
     Style: xingyi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Okay, now that the hilarity is over, did anyone find this as funny as I did?
    The thing is, not only is he teaching kids the absolutely irrelevant art of LARP fighting, he's actually bad at it.
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