Gas station etiquette and public health awareness PSA as told by an irritable clerk

[itwasntme]

1. Everything you want can be purchased in one order. It works, I promise. Why do you need separate orders for your lottery, cigarettes, food, and alcohol?

2. If your 12 year old boy has bitch tits, don't send him in my store to buy 3 packs of gummy worms.

3. This is a Citgo, not the Magic Kingdom, no matter how many times you circle the store the selection remains the same. I do have other things to do, so please don't spend 30 minutes browsing like this is Walmart.

4. If the walk from the drink cooler to my register leaves you panting and gasping for air, don't buy any cigarettes. Idc if they're "lights," they are not helping a damn thing, especially not your arteries, you're already morbidly obese.

5. If its raining outside and you just have to loiter and smoke, go back to your car or at least the other side of the store. A lot of people don't smoke, so don't plague them by standing at the door spewing your cancerous fumes in their face.

6. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a human GPS, don't get mad at me because your dumb ass didn't get good directions to where you are going and idk either.

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[slamdunc]

If I ever get fat and forgetful, I'm damn sure not coming in your Citgo Store. I could add that just before midnight on the last day of the month, the drunks lining up with carts full of convenience food because their food stamp card is charged at a minute after.

[itwasntme]

If I ever get fat and forgetful, I'm damn sure not coming in your Citgo Store. I could add that just before midnight on the last day of the month, the drunks lining up with carts full of convenience food because their food stamp card is charged at a minute after.

I see you're well versed in the ways of the convenience dungeons. Idk but that actually made me think of something really funny. I worked another gas station a few years back and this guy would come in on his scooter all the time to get coffee and cigs and he would talk about his "bike" (which is the scooter) like it was a motorcycle. It killed me seeing him try to talk that **** to motorcyclists that came in.

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[Tzadqiel]

[slamdunc]

I see you're well versed in the ways of the convenience dungeons.

Yep, they give us free coffee and more importantly, free entertainment. The o.p. had me rolling as I was visualizing each line.

[itwasntme]

Yep, they give us free coffee and more importantly, free entertainment. The o.p. had me rolling as I was visualizing each line.

I could also add don't bathe in smell good before you enter my store. I often go home worrying if my soon to be ex old lady will think I've been sleeping around with various men and women just from their over used and often terrible smelling scents wafting across the counter.

Oh man they just keep on coming. This old man just came in and bought tobacco and paid with credit so I carded him and he turn around and says, "46 years old and I'm gettin' carded, that's a first." I wanted to say, "yes sir I see your wooly grey mane swaying in the ac but I'm carding you for the credit card." Gotta love it.

Goddamn, how did I forget the guy who came in bragging about how he won 2 bucks on his scratch off and was "gonna get a fuckin cheeseburger, cheeseburgers are so fuckin good" and when he asked me what I thought about cheeseburgers I said "they suck," so he completely changed his outlook on cheeseburgers based on what I said. I honestly thought this guy was older than me just by looking at him. I think I'll card him if I see him again.

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[jubei33]

3. This is a Citgo, not the Magic Kingdom, no matter how many times you circle the store the selection remains the same. I do have other things to do, so please don't spend 30 minutes browsing like this is Walmart.

You were probably about to get robbed, but avoided it through a lucky upswing in customer interference, or a sudden attack of conscience.

[captainbirdseye]

Oh man they just keep on coming. This old man just came in and bought tobacco and paid with credit so I carded him and he turn around and says, "46 years old and I'm gettin' carded, that's a first." I wanted to say, "yes sir I see your wooly grey mane swaying in the ac but I'm carding you for the credit card." Gotta love it.

Don't forget the blatently underage ones,
"Why are you asking me for ID?"
"Because you look about nine."

[itwasntme]

You were probably about to get robbed, but avoided it through a lucky upswing in customer interference, or a sudden attack of conscience.

Normally I'd say yes, but this was actually geared toward some tourists in their 50s with their child and what appeared to be one of their moms, aka the woman smoking at the front door.

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[BackFistMonkey]

If you think working in one sucks imagine running and managing one. You have twice the stupid to deal with then.