Thread: Kung fu Hustler
1/15/2012 3:39am, #1
Kung fu Hustler
So for the last 4 weeks I have been training REALLY hard for a kickboxing fight. Come the day of, Omega drove up 4 hours to come meet and coach me just for the day. First off, how many of your coaches have done that? I bet none. Why? Because they are not nearly as awesome. Also because your coach probably hates that you're such a wimpy queer.
Anyway, I get there, and it's a pretty low key tournament. They have a BJJ tournament and a Karate tournament as well as the kickboxing thing going on. I'm like, cool. So after a few hours of sitting around, Omega guilts me into doing the BJJ tournament in the adult division and so I compete against a purple belt who is way better than me and another dude from our gym who is just bigger than me. I figured, "I'm going to throw the purple belt and then he's going to armbar me." and that is exactly what happens. then I win on points against the Dane from valhalla.
After a bit longer, I start getting antsy, thinking that there is going to be nobody here to fight me. They tell me that there are, but I see nobody. I see nothing but dudes in gi and nothing else. So, I finally start asking around and it turns out that yes, there isn't anybody willing to fight me. So I go around asking a bunch of karate black belts if they'll fight me in a kickboxing match. None. Not a single one.
One black belt I ask says, "Oh um... I.. can't... because.. I'm doing.. another part of the tournament."
So I resign myself to winning via intimidation. And as bonerrific as that is, it doesn't help me with anything. As I'm on my way out of just checking out and coming to terms with that I am just way too scary with my cute little asian face, they ask me if I would please fight in the karate tournament.
With no hope left of actually beating anybody up, I agree... I also get Omega to fight in the karate tournament. I'll post up the videos later, but seriously, we were sweeping the competition. That is, until they totally screw Omega out of his matches. The judges were all buddies with every black belt in the black belt division and cheated my coach out of his victory. Literally awarded the other guy points for when Omega hits him.
With his loss, I knew what I had to do. I had to avenge my kung fu master. Since I won the lightweight division, I was up for the open grand prix... against the guy who beat Omega. And I did what anybody would do in my situation. I took a knee and drew a line in the ground and challenged him to cross it. And cross it he did, only to meet the flurry of my fists and shins. It was all over. I had won. Fair and square. Also with a superman punch. I played their game and beat them.
What a hilarious day. Videos incoming.
1/15/2012 3:41am, #2
1/15/2012 3:51am, #3
you trained to fight at that? theres like 5 people in the stand. i guess the reason they had the weigh ins on the day was because its run by some clueless backyard promoter?
1/15/2012 3:55am, #4
1/15/2012 3:58am, #5
1/15/2012 4:06am, #6
Omega vs Kung Fu Panda? That's the first thing that came to my mind.Falling for Judo since 1980
"You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS
1/15/2012 4:10am, #7
I'll post the other videos up later. I'm going to bed, goodnight fuckers.
1/15/2012 12:53pm, #8
1/15/2012 12:57pm, #9
LOL....you forgot to share everybody's face trying to explain to me how to fight because I was wearing a jiu jitsu gi.
1/15/2012 1:29pm, #10
This is Omega vs. the guy who got cheated into a win:
In the split, the guy stabs Omega in the eye, but still gets the point. The ref says, "We'll judge for point and then for excessive contact."
They judge for the point and not for the contact until the opponent says something about it.