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  1. Devil is online now
    Devil's Avatar

    His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten.

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    6,545

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 2:28pm

    supporting member
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    How to be a Boss

    Okay, this is a public service for my fellow bullies. Based on the lamentations in the OWS thread it sounds like a lot of you are struggling. I'm certainly no Bill Gates, but I think I can offer some advice to help those who are down on dey luck become more prosperous. Some rules to live by in the workplace (in no particular order):

    *Get the best education you can afford. Go to the best school you can get accepted to. Don't get a degree from Phoenix online because you don't want to **** with sending out 20 applications to real schools. School reputation is important.

    *Be smart when you choose your major. Some people will major in Art History and become millionaires. That person is not you. Do your research and go into a field where people consistently take their degrees and make the type of living you're happy with.

    *If you need additional certificates, advanced degrees, etc. to succeed in your field be prepared to get them.

    *Be able to sell yourself. People fail here in interviews all the time. I work on projects regularly with a woman who is a workhorse and knows everything there is to know about our business. She can do 80% of the work on the project and I may do 20%. In an interview I can speak intelligently and confidently about what I contributed to the team without lying. She can't although she may have done the lion's share of work. Fail.

    *Working hard isn't everything. It's more important to work smart. Work especially hard where it counts. Work hard to get an education. When it's time for a move, work hard to get a job that gives you a huge pay increase over your current position instead of settling for a $5K jump. Work hard when you're given opportunities to prove yourself in high profile areas. Never be a drain on your company. Always get your work done, but remember - strategy is key and you work for you and your family, not some company.

    *Don't have any goddamn typos on your resume. That **** will get filed right in the trashcan.

    *Don't dress like a slob. Not in the interview. Not at work. Never.

    *Be drama free at work. Managers fucking hate people who cause problems because their coworker can smell their ass stinking or they're on the phone all day or whatever.

    *If you can smell your coworker's ass stinking, handle it some other way than whining to your boss. Your boss doesn't give a **** and you just seem petty and childlike when you complain about crap like that.

    *Don't make your boss hate you. I know many of you are strong willed and independent and the world can suck your dick. I get it. But this is suicide at work. I see this all the time where I work because it's a huge company, employees are well protected by HR and legal. They know it and they have an entitlement attitude. They'll push things as far as they can and try to game the system. But that doesn't keep their boss from fucking them with the heaviest workloads, shittiest projects, least opportunities to do cool ****......

    *Personal demeanor is in the top 5% of **** you should concern yourself with. In the military, we called it military bearing. For those of you who don't know, this basically means keeping your composure. Being tactful and professional. When your boss asks you to work late you don't huff and roll your eyes. When your boss says you can go home early, you don't yell "Whew!!!! **** yeah!!! Outta this ************!!!!!" You take good news and bad news the same way - calmly and professionally. You don't have to be a statue, but don't put your emotions on display like a float at the Christmas parade.

    *Don't settle for being comfortable. This is a huge pitfall. You get a job that is okay. After a while, you wish you made more money but you really don't want to go through the process of learning a new job. It's such a hassle. You like the people you work with, blah, blah, blah. Harden the **** up and make the change. Trust me, you will suffer some when you do it the hard way, but the long-term rewards will outweigh the costs 100 to 1.

    *Don't drive a shitheap of a car if you can help it. If you're in a professional environment, you'll eventually want to take people to lunch or drive someone to pick up their car from the mechanic or something. It makes you look bad.

    *Don't cry at work. Some people do this. It is bad.

    *Your long-term goals should dictate where you focus your energy. If you feel like your future is with your current company, go the extra mile to build a reputation as a go-to person. If you know your current company is just a stepping stone, do a good job but focus your energy on whatever you know will get you to that next step, but either way.......

    *Don't burn bridges. If you progress in your career, the most valuable thing you can ever get out of your current job is a positive reference from a shot caller within that company. Don't **** this up by falling asleep at work and watching porn on the job.

    *Be concise when you speak. If there is a problem, summarize it the best you can, present it in a way people understand, be prepared to OFFER SOLUTIONS and when you're done, shut the **** up. Ramblers waste time and money.

    *Understand opportunities may not always jump up and smack you in the face. Be flexible and consider doing things you hadn't planned to do. For instance, if you want to progress in your career you may have to move halfway across the country to make it happen. If you're not flexible like that, fine. But don't whine when you have to settle for a job you think is beneath you.

    *Be patient. I'm fortunate enough to work for a huge company where opportunities are plentiful. I know this because I've worked for small companies where opportunities were not plentiful. The problem is a lot of people still think there aren't enough opportunities just because they have nothing to compare it to. They think they should be able to work in their job for a year and move on to bigger and better things. It usually doesn't work this way. Get a clue.

    *Be resilient. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes people lose their jobs. If you've got your **** in order you'll probably bounce back rather quickly. Don't go hanging yourself in a broom closet. The worst case scenario is poverty and poverty's really not all that big a deal.

    *Have a positive attitude. People want to hire and work with people they enjoy being around. They want to hire people who fit in with the group. Try smiling once or twice a week. If you're miserable and hate life, fake it at work. It's in your best interest. Consider it part of the job.

    *As you advance in your career, you'll probably get bigger jumps in pay by switching companies. Interviewing with a new company is the time to aim big. Your current company knows exactly what you earn. They know all your weaknesses. They want to pay you the least amount they can to keep you. So does the new company, but they're more likely to pay what you're worth and this will be your best opportunity to negotiate.

    *Work is not the place to express your individuality. I don't care if you're gay, or a tea partier, or a nazi or a hippie. I don't care if you have a flare for fashion and just LOVE pink boots. I don't care if you wear a bone in your nose when you're at home. Work is not the place for it. At work, you should conform even if your employer doesn't mandate it.

    This is just a start. There's more but I'm tired of typing for the moment. Take my advice or not, I don't give a ****. But you'll be better off if you do. Maybe it will help you avoid having your house foreclosed on when you're 103.
  2. Tom .C is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    3,144

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 2:43pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Aikido,Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by devil View Post
    Okay, this is a public service for my fellow bullies. Based on the lamentations in the OWS thread it sounds like a lot of you are struggling. I'm certainly no Bill Gates, but I think I can offer some advice to help those who are down on dey luck become more prosperous. Some rules to live by in the workplace (in no particular order):

    *Get the best education you can afford. Go to the best school you can get accepted to. Don't get a degree from Phoenix online because you don't want to **** with sending out 20 applications to real schools. School reputation is important.

    *Be smart when you choose your major. Some people will major in Art History and become millionaires. That person is not you. Do your research and go into a field where people consistently take their degrees and make the type of living you're happy with.

    *If you need additional certificates, advanced degrees, etc. to succeed in your field be prepared to get them.

    *Be able to sell yourself. People fail here in interviews all the time. I work on projects regularly with a woman who is a workhorse and knows everything there is to know about our business. She can do 80% of the work on the project and I may do 20%. In an interview I can speak intelligently and confidently about what I contributed to the team without lying. She can't although she may have done the lion's share of work. Fail.

    *Working hard isn't everything. It's more important to work smart. Work especially hard where it counts. Work hard to get an education. When it's time for a move, work hard to get a job that gives you a huge pay increase over your current position instead of settling for a $5K jump. Work hard when you're given opportunities to prove yourself in high profile areas. Never be a drain on your company. Always get your work done, but remember - strategy is key and you work for you and your family, not some company.

    *Don't have any goddamn typos on your resume. That **** will get filed right in the trashcan.

    *Don't dress like a slob. Not in the interview. Not at work. Never.

    *Be drama free at work. Managers fucking hate people who cause problems because their coworker can smell their ass stinking or they're on the phone all day or whatever.

    *If you can smell your coworker's ass stinking, handle it some other way than whining to your boss. Your boss doesn't give a **** and you just seem petty and childlike when you complain about crap like that.

    *Don't make your boss hate you. I know many of you are strong willed and independent and the world can suck your dick. I get it. But this is suicide at work. I see this all the time where I work because it's a huge company, employees are well protected by HR and legal. They know it and they have an entitlement attitude. They'll push things as far as they can and try to game the system. But that doesn't keep their boss from fucking them with the heaviest workloads, shittiest projects, least opportunities to do cool ****......

    *Personal demeanor is in the top 5% of **** you should concern yourself with. In the military, we called it military bearing. For those of you who don't know, this basically means keeping your composure. Being tactful and professional. When your boss asks you to work late you don't huff and roll your eyes. When your boss says you can go home early, you don't yell "Whew!!!! **** yeah!!! Outta this ************!!!!!" You take good news and bad news the same way - calmly and professionally. You don't have to be a statue, but don't put your emotions on display like a float at the Christmas parade.

    *Don't settle for being comfortable. This is a huge pitfall. You get a job that is okay. After a while, you wish you made more money but you really don't want to go through the process of learning a new job. It's such a hassle. You like the people you work with, blah, blah, blah. Harden the **** up and make the change. Trust me, you will suffer some when you do it the hard way, but the long-term rewards will outweigh the costs 100 to 1.

    *Don't drive a shitheap of a car if you can help it. If you're in a professional environment, you'll eventually want to take people to lunch or drive someone to pick up their car from the mechanic or something. It makes you look bad.

    *Don't cry at work. Some people do this. It is bad.

    *Your long-term goals should dictate where you focus your energy. If you feel like your future is with your current company, go the extra mile to build a reputation as a go-to person. If you know your current company is just a stepping stone, do a good job but focus your energy on whatever you know will get you to that next step, but either way.......

    *Don't burn bridges. If you progress in your career, the most valuable thing you can ever get out of your current job is a positive reference from a shot caller within that company. Don't **** this up by falling asleep at work and watching porn on the job.

    *Be concise when you speak. If there is a problem, summarize it the best you can, present it in a way people understand, be prepared to OFFER SOLUTIONS and when you're done, shut the **** up. Ramblers waste time and money.

    *Understand opportunities may not always jump up and smack you in the face. Be flexible and consider doing things you hadn't planned to do. For instance, if you want to progress in your career you may have to move halfway across the country to make it happen. If you're not flexible like that, fine. But don't whine when you have to settle for a job you think is beneath you.

    *Be patient. I'm fortunate enough to work for a huge company where opportunities are plentiful. I know this because I've worked for small companies where opportunities were not plentiful. The problem is a lot of people still think there aren't enough opportunities just because they have nothing to compare it to. They think they should be able to work in their job for a year and move on to bigger and better things. It usually doesn't work this way. Get a clue.

    *Be resilient. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes people lose their jobs. If you've got your **** in order you'll probably bounce back rather quickly. Don't go hanging yourself in a broom closet. The worst case scenario is poverty and poverty's really not all that big a deal.

    *Have a positive attitude. People want to hire and work with people they enjoy being around. They want to hire people who fit in with the group. Try smiling once or twice a week. If you're miserable and hate life, fake it at work. It's in your best interest. Consider it part of the job.

    *As you advance in your career, you'll probably get bigger jumps in pay by switching companies. Interviewing with a new company is the time to aim big. Your current company knows exactly what you earn. They know all your weaknesses. They want to pay you the least amount they can to keep you. So does the new company, but they're more likely to pay what you're worth and this will be your best opportunity to negotiate.

    *Work is not the place to express your individuality. I don't care if you're gay, or a tea partier, or a nazi or a hippie. I don't care if you have a flare for fashion and just LOVE pink boots. I don't care if you wear a bone in your nose when you're at home. Work is not the place for it. At work, you should conform even if your employer doesn't mandate it.

    This is just a start. There's more but I'm tired of typing for the moment. Take my advice or not, I don't give a ****. But you'll be better off if you do. Maybe it will help you avoid having your house foreclosed on when you're 103.
    Hey! What the **** do you know. You're just the Devil!
  3. Devil is online now
    Devil's Avatar

    His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten.

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    6,545

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 2:51pm

    supporting member
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    But I wear Prada, so your argument is invalid.
  4. Permalost is online now
    Permalost's Avatar

    pro nonsense self defense

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    12,518

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 3:08pm

    supporting member
     Style: FMA, dumbek, Indian clubs

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I really should clean all the junk out of my car...

    Devil, what exactly do you do?
  5. Omega Supreme is offline

    Administrator

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    West Coast
    Posts
    22,963

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 3:12pm

    staff
     Style: Chinese Boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Actually more life stuff in here than just work.
  6. Devil is online now
    Devil's Avatar

    His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten.

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    6,545

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 3:15pm

    supporting member
     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Permalost View Post
    I really should clean all the junk out of my car...

    Devil, what exactly do you do?
    Finance, people management, that type of ****. Nothing special
  7. jspeedy is offline
    jspeedy's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Posts
    1,616

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 4:31pm


     Style: FMA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Not sure if this belongs in another thread....Do you have any advice on how to answer those annoying interview questions and what I can do to stand out in an interview?

    Examples of the annoying questions:

    What is you best quality?
    What are you most proud of?
    What is your worst quality?
    Describe one time you blew it.

    I figure I should just try to relate the answers to work related issues. However, I'm looking to enter the medical field as a recently licensed radiation therapist, I have no experience other than school clinicals and I assume i'll be competing with other experienced people.
  8. jubei33 is offline
    jubei33's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    the H-bomb
    Posts
    1,607

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 4:36pm


     Style: Boxing, Solar Ray Attack

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Dear poster, how do I be the boss? I was hoping to get information in that regard, rather than information on how to be an obnoxious, backstabbing employee.
    http://woodwardswhiskey.wordpress.com/

    He was punching him like the collective karmic debt he'd accrued was coming to collections, mostly on his face.
  9. cualltaigh is online now
    cualltaigh's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Cooltown, SEQ
    Posts
    1,351

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 4:37pm


     Style: BJJ, MMA, JJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by devil View Post
    Finance, people management, that type of ****. Nothing special
    What industry are you in/ do you service?
  10. Kovacs is offline
    Kovacs's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Kent - UK
    Posts
    1,548

    Posted On:
    12/01/2011 4:41pm


     Style: Kettles (MA hiatus).

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    It certainly is all about working hard and smart. I worked hard for the wrong people for too long. Now I work hard, smart and or the right people and I'm having a blast.
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