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  1. JingMerchant! is online now
    JingMerchant!'s Avatar

    ...has all your Jing.

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    North Blighty.
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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 3:33pm


     Style: Judo, baby! Yeah!

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Tai Chi iz teh Devils Tool!!11!!

    So, after i posted up my previous link, my curiosity was aroused by something called SlowFlo: The Christian Alternative to Tai Chi?

    Well... When the first line reads like it does.... I thought : 'This deserves it's own thread!' (Actually, the first thing i thought was LOLWUT???)

    Reposted here :-

    Are you feeling run down? Suffering from tired blood? Do encounters with foreign cultures leave you confused and angry?
    If so, then we have a solution for you. It’s called SlowFlo, the Christian alternative to Tai Chi.
    Inspired by Chuck Norris, the art of SlowFlo reforms the inscrutable pagan art of Tai Chi Chuan into a safe and guilt-free form of Christian exercise.

    The benefits of SlowFlo include limbering of the joints and spinal column, and oxygenation of your whole body, all without challenging your religious and philosophical beliefs.
    While all other forms of martial arts were created under demonic influence, SlowFlo strengthens and fortifies your body and soul with the real ultimate power of Jesus.

    You will burn calories in a gentle, relaxing way, while performing simple techniques with reassuring names, like “The Iron Pope”, “Lifting the White Man’s Burden”, and “The Chris Farley”.
    SlowFlo raises your metabolism for quicker weight loss and more energy–not the evil ki energy of brown and yellow devils, but wholesome Christian energy.

    The beautiful movements of Slow Flo are accompanied by scriptural affirmations in All-American Sign Language. Say goodbye to the occult influence of Oriental mantras, mudras, and meditation, and welcome the healing power of SlowFlo exclusively into your heart.
    In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo today. (Hyperlink removed)


    Wow... Just wow....

    "Yellow and brown devils"...? Seriously....?

    It gets better... Here's the vid :-




    Words fail me....
    "So, yeah, Zen teachers may well insult you, work you to the bone, hit you with sticks, shout verbal abuse at you, and punch the **** out of you.
    And when the ****'s been punched out of you, you might just find that you're far better-off without it." - Vieux Normand

    "So in short, BJJ wins again. BJJ, and chainmail." - TheMightyMcClaw

    "On bullshido, your opinions are not sacred, neither are your feelings." - Scrapper

    "You entered the lions' den. Don't bitch if you get eaten." - danniboi07

    "Needless to say, it's much easier to clear a bunch of drunk kids out of your house when you're yelling GTFO and carrying a samurai sword." - DerAuslander

    "Eventually, I realized it doesn't matter what art you train, what matters is the method in which you train. Training in an alive manner, under skilled and qualified instruction, is the single most important aspect of gaining martial skill. All else is window dressing." - JNP : Saying it how it is!
  2. Bahuyuddha is offline
    Bahuyuddha's Avatar

    Registered Member

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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 3:57pm


     Style: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wow, at first I didn't believe that you copied and pasted that. It started out sounding cheesy but believable, and then quickly devolved into what you so eloquently referred to as "LOLWUT?"

    However, the link that you provided is a blog site. Reading it again, it looks like what you copy/pasted was the blogger's satirical commentary on the actual videos. None of the "yellow and brown devil" stuff is mentioned in their web site, which is here:

    http://www.wholyfit.org/

    Nevertheless, it still sounds pretty cheesy.
  3. Tom .C is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 4:36pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Aikido,Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    And God did sayest to Chuck Norris, go forth and propagate this bullshit to the gullible, and Chuck dideth.
  4. jspeedy is offline
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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 5:03pm


     Style: FMA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This link was far more entertaining: woman smashes cans and melons w/ breast

    http://www.martialdevelopment.com/bl...aking-bonanza/
  5. Sri Hanuman is online now
    Sri Hanuman's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Chicago, IL
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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 6:27pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Cheng Man Ching Taijiquan

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wow, srsly, thought you were being funny.
    Conservative Christians can be hella-xenophobic and frankly scare the **** out of me as much as pissed off Muslims.
    =================
    Kama Sutra blue belt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emevas View Post
    I used to **** guys like you in prison.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rock Ape View Post
    Dude I kill people for a fucking living.

    Dipshit
  6. Sri Hanuman is online now
    Sri Hanuman's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 7:11pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Cheng Man Ching Taijiquan

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by doofaloofa View Post
    Kudos!
    Satan-kwan-do was something of a give away, but PentagramBJJ just sounded Portugese... HOW DO WE AVOID THESE SATANIC INFLUENCES?
    =================
    Kama Sutra blue belt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emevas View Post
    I used to **** guys like you in prison.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rock Ape View Post
    Dude I kill people for a fucking living.

    Dipshit
  7. Sorekara is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma
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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 8:07pm


     Style: Judo/BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Is any of this really surprising?

    We all know the myths and mystical beliefs many non practicing people hold about martial arts. Christians don't want anything to do with other religions. Infact, the Bible expressly forbids it.

    These misunderstandings even center around something as simple as bowing.
    The biggest thing that plays a part in things such as this is what the Bible says, "What so ever you do, do so for the glory of God."

    I consider myself a Christian, as in I believe in Jesus and I believe in the Bible. I'm a member of a Christian forum. When I started Judo I made a thread about it. I was surprised to hear so many misunderstandings about Martial Arts. All of it stems from the before stated myths and misunderstandings of MA.

    Anyway, I see the intentions of Christians as good and well meaning. The thing that turns me off is how dorky and cheesy Christians get with things.
  8. Sri Hanuman is online now
    Sri Hanuman's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 8:10pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Cheng Man Ching Taijiquan

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I personally take offense at movement no. 25, Jesus Inappropriately Touch Altar Boy.
    =================
    Kama Sutra blue belt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emevas View Post
    I used to **** guys like you in prison.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rock Ape View Post
    Dude I kill people for a fucking living.

    Dipshit
  9. W. Rabbit is offline
    W. Rabbit's Avatar

    insight combined with intel, fuse, and dynamite

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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 9:22pm

    supporting member
     Style: (Hung Ga+BJJ+MT+JKD) ^ Qi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sorekara View Post
    Christians don't want anything to do with other religions. Infact, the Bible expressly forbids it.
    Source please.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sorekara View Post
    The biggest thing that plays a part in things such as this is what the Bible says, "What so ever you do, do so for the glory of God."
    Right, so saluting, say, a flag is obviously not an option for true Christians.

    The hypocrisy is so delicious.
  10. battlefields is offline
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    Posted On:
    11/20/2011 9:31pm

    forum leader
     Style: BJJ/ MMA/ MT

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Say what you want about Christians, but they were great entertainment value in Roman times.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Machette View Post
    Ups to Battlefields for dropping the sage wisdom.

    You are like a Pimp Yoda.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tranquil Suit View Post
    Battlefields... You're more of a man than I am.
    GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
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