MMA is not dangerous enough

**FLICK30** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 2:41pm

So random and ridiculous. How can anyone take a fight venue like that seriously?

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 3:11pm

Total ***** event.

Here's how a real man fights.

The fighting ring is circular, because it SPINS. **** yeah, spins. At mach 2. The ground is littered with broken glass and needles. Every 30 seconds, molten lava is dripped from a random nozzle down below onto the ring.

The sides of the ring aren't limited by a fenced wall. They are limited by barb wire! Barb wire coated with lime juice, and sriracha sauce, bitchez!!!

The standard MMA gloves are clearly too *****, so we had the fighters wear brass knuckles. And clearly, because mouth guards are for 12 year old girls, we implemented a no mouthguard policy. Any and all jewelery is a must. In fact, if you're not wearing anything, we make you get a piercing, and wear a shitload of rings, earrings, and chrome grills on your teeth.

Now, the outside of the ring is a moat filled with acid. On the opposite corners of each other, are platforms occupied by rabid grizzly bears with chainsaws attached to their heads. In the event of a ring-out, the bear is legally entitled to eat and/or chainsaw the **** out of you. Should you get past the bear, the path leads to a small bridge closely guarded by a monkey with a hose. The hose shoots ice-cold piss. Should you get past the monkey, you have to wrestle a grizzled old Vietnam War veteran hyped up on crystal meth, armed with a shotgun.

The victor is only declared once the heart of the vanquished has been thoroughly eaten, and his powers successfully absorbed.

THIS, people, is the future of EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEME MMfuckingA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**ChenPengFi** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 3:22pm

Sriracha?
That's fucking ridiculous.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 4:15pm

Hey, you're not getting spicy wok oil.
That's just fucking greedy.

**Shawarma** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 5:56pm

More concerned with the way the guy on the bottom was getting clobbered with something like twenty unanswered blows while prone or in the foetal position with the referee simply looking on without much interest.

Don't you need some kind of permission to hold a fighting event anyway? And how the hell did they get permission to put on a show like this?

**FLICK30** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 6:07pm

Originally Posted by Shawarma

More concerned with the way the guy on the bottom was getting clobbered with something like twenty unanswered blows while prone or in the foetal position with the referee simply looking on without much interest.

Don't you need some kind of permission to hold a fighting event anyway? And how the hell did they get permission to put on a show like this?

I don't know how they got that kind of fight sanctioned. Its hard enough to get MMA sanctioned in places still, I can't imagine them getting approved for a circus like that.

**PerseusStoned** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 6:09pm

Needs more flames, hookers and aids.

**submessenger** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 10:10pm

I was all set to call video-editing shenanigans... but, I found this:

ooh, and this (better quality):

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 10:19pm

Someone needs to unleash a bear and a shark into the crowd.

**Ketsueki** · Posted On: 11/08/2011 10:28pm

Originally Posted by ChenPengFi

I dunno, it has a certain Cirque appeal.
I'm with Permalost. Pyrotechics, firearms or maybe tasers a la shock fights are missing.
Mix in some cockfighting in a smaller cage(hanging like a chandelier within the main cage, "piñata-kick" bonus for the fighters? WIN!!), greyhound racing around the perimeter, some disco balls, go-gos etc. and i think we'd have a true classic.
Oh and bourbon, tequila, perico and whores, don't forget those.

I like this. Does anyone know if the Blue Angels actually have weapons systems? I think they (and some machine guns with paint rounds) should be involved at some point.