Posted On:9/20/2011 4:34pm
I really want to see the hogstrangler at work!
Edit: We could set him on Evergray.
Posted On:9/20/2011 9:23pm
Posted On:9/20/2011 9:58pm
Request, and it shall be given to you. Ask, and you shall receive.
At this point, Bjorn and I decided that subtle philosphy and character building of Han Mu Do just didn't suit us. We noticed that when we competed in Han Mu Do tournaments, slamming your opponent into the floor and causing him agonizing pain led to a five minute lecture on control, respect, and the true spirit of martial arts from the higher belts while doing the same things in a BJJ or submission wrestling tournament led to calls of "Awesome dude! Do that again!" from the higher belts.
So we both began paying dues at a former Han Mu Do school that had just affiliated with Carlos Machado and switched to BJJ, and hitting up every single MMA/grappling seminar that took place in an eight hour driving distance. There were some minor hiccups along the way (I believe Bas Rutten was a bit shaken when Bjorn begged him to adopt us, but he coped with the situation fairly well.) but on the whole life was good. Bjorn remained successful in tournaments, while I began to actually win matches as well.
And so it was that we wound up in Jackson, Mississippi, competing in a catch wrestling tournament. There was a large group of people who had driven down from Memphis, among them a young blonde headed girl in a pink and black rashguard. Because there were no other female competitors, they let her into the men's division. And because there were very few small competitiors, they threw everyone below 180 pounds into a single division.
Bjorn's first match was against the girl. He pondered on the ethics of this (All proper Southern gentlemen are raised to treat women as something other than smaller, weaker, men with breasts) but finally decided he could grapple her just like a guy, he just wouldn't try and slam her on a take down. Meanwhile, I was watching her warm up with her coaches.
As I observed her lock triangle after triangle from various set ups, I began to feel the tinge of an intimation of a hint of foreboding that all was not well in the state of Mississippi. I whispered to Bjorn that he better take this seriously, and got "Uh huh. Right."
The match began, Bjorn bodylocked her, took her down to guard, and...he got triangled in about the same amount of time it will take you to finish reading this sentence. I struck up a conversation with her post match, and we found out Bjorn had just competed against HILLARY WILLIAMS (www.hillarybjj.com), an ADCC competitor who was at the time just coming off a (grappling) win over Megami Fumi, which made us all feel much better about the whole thing.
Bjorn still had to endure some teasing from Gray Eagle (another friend of ours, actually his real name) about how it felt to have a women throw her legs around his head like that. He said that aside from losing consciousness, being unable to breathe and feeling like his neck was about to break, it was fine. Gray Eagle would go on to disqualifed from the tournament, the rules stated that if someone was in guard, you could pick them up to the your waist and slam to break it, but higher than that was a no no.
Gray Eagle picked his adversary up to his waist, then jumped all of his 230 pounds (Gray Eagle is a former male cheerleader, although he is built like a rodeo bull he has the capacity for crazy springs and leaps more commonly found in rodeo clowns) plus the guy hell bent on holding guard four feet into the air. This wasn't a problem, but when they landed.....the referee ruled that, while not a violation of the letter of the rules, he had violated the spirit of them.
On a brigher note, Miss Williams seemed to like us crazy Mississippi guys, and told us if we were ever in her home city of Little Rock, Arkansas, to please drop by and see her, which we would eventually take her up on. But that is another tale...
Just waiting for the paperboy.
Posted On:9/21/2011 3:32am
did you do her?
It would be good drama-wise if you guys would have ended up falling in love.
great story, I really lol-ed with the bas rutten adoption part!
Posted On:9/21/2011 11:20am
where's the hog?
Posted On:9/21/2011 11:46am
Originally Posted by Moenstah
where's the hog?
My eyes are up here, buddy.
Posted On:9/21/2011 6:12pm
Bjorn Tortelli is my hero.
Posted On:9/22/2011 3:26am
Yeah, he seems way cooler than Vince.
Get Bjorn on here asap!
Posted On:12/12/2011 9:31pm
Don't worry, True Believers, this thread has not died. I almost did from trying to pass three finals in one week, but that is a story for another time.
Although this thread began to extol the glories of my younger brother, Bjorn, today I am entering another deity into the pantheon of Manliness that is this thread. My good friend whom I have known since I was five, O'ROURKE.
Currently, O'Rourke is teaches English in the American public school system. Way to put that degree in Film to work for you, buddy! (Said the man with a degree in journalism who became a Corrections Officer.)
For those of you in foreign countries, the state of the American public school system is best summed up with a reading of the Japanese Rip Off of Lord of the Flies, Battle Royale, which I am told was also made into a live action movie and a manga, if text on a printed page causes you to break out in hives.
O'Rourke is not a trained fighter, a skilled hunter, or a knuckle dragging street brawler. His only exposure to the old rough and tumble comes from his stint playing in dives as the drummer of the band "Vampire Puppy Love In the Desert Poseidon", and of course, a long time association with the Tortelli family, which only breathes the air that smells of combat.
(It might also be of interest to someone to note that O'Rourke was the camera man and director of my acting/writing magnum opus, Closing Time, now viewable in its entireity on Youtube.)
With that out of the way, we move to the meat of our narrative:
O'Rourke is engaged in his usual Sisyphean rolling of the boulder of Knowledge Up the Hill of Stupidity and Apathy, when out in the hall, all Hell breaks loose. Seems two of the students in the special education class, who will be referred to as "Awesome Kong" and "Sid Vicious" are having a disagreement about something or other, and said disagreement has progressed from the verbal to the Bust. You. Up.
Both Kong and Vicious are over 6" tall and 200 pounds, which is even more impressive when you realize this particular school only teaches grades K thru 6. Teachers from all over spill out into the hall and manage to seperate the combatants...for a moment.
Kong (who I'm told has some sort of learning disability) breaks free of the teachers by grabbing the principal by the throat and tossing him to the floor, then rips open a nearby locker and begins to hurl text books and binders at all and sundry. As teachers pile on her, O'Rourke is left alone to face Vicious, who I'm told has anger control issues, and has also just taken a 4th grade Social Studies hard back to the left eye. He is not a happy camper and decided to express his feelings of unhappiness by way of a swarm of haymakers.
But there's something Vicious doesn't know. He's not up against any old 6th grade English teacher. He's up against a 6th grade English teacher who has watched the Ultimate Figher since BJ Penn and Jens Pulver were coaching it. An English teacher who has seen every UFC since with the Tortelli brothers providing both color commentary and practical demonstrations of what the fighters could/should have done differently. A 6th grade English teacher with THREE different Affliction shirts.
As the Chuck Liddell Specials hurtle towards his noggin, O'Rourke ducks his head and lunges forward like he's seen Fitch, Koscheck, and Lesnar do so many times, grabbing Vicious's lead leg and hugging it up to his chest. His emotionally unmanageable assailant flails for balance, and also provides the students who are peeping out the classroom doors with many interesting new expressions to ask their parents about later as he hops around on one leg.
O'Rourke then tosses the leg to one side, exposing Vicious's back, and latches on in a tight rear clinch, making sure to bury his head in between Vicious's shoulder blades to avoid any backwards elbow strikes a la Roger Huerta.
In this postion, he retains control of the jumbo sized Chris Leben while the other teachers finally get Kong calmed down and into the faculty lounge, and call for campus security to come handle Vicious; at which point two of his female colleagues sidle up to O'Rourke and ask him if he does kung fu, or wrestling, or what. To which O'Rourke replies:
"Well, you know, I do train a little bit of that ultimate cage fighting stuff, sometimes."
Then, because he is a huge nerd, he dashes off away the rotties to call me up on his cell and tell me about the positive impact me and MMA have had on his day.
I wonder...is this how Pat Miletech felt when his boys owned three different UFC titles? It's a nice feeling.
YOU SHOW THOSE KIDS, O'ROURKE! YOU SHOW THEM THAT THEY'RE IN TU HACIENDA! LOS AMIGOS DE GLOSTER NEVER DIE!
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