Proof of Hell's Existence?

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 8:35pm

Brazil(AP)

Scientists and theologians around the world have been thrown into turmoil when an oil rig off the coast of Brazil drilled down into what appears to be the traditional Judeo-Christian afterlife. At approximately 12 noon, September 25, the rig drilled into what was initially thought to be an air pocket but was soon discoverd to be much bigger, as flames of such intensity that they continued to burn in open water came roaring out of the tunnel.

Workers on the scene claimed to have heard screams of agony and profanities in at least twelve different languages, and some claimed to have seen batwinged humanoid figures emerging from the ocean above the drilling site.

On September 27th, South American scientists sent an unmanned submersible vehicle equpped with a camera into the area, but instead of the flames reported during the initial incident the pictures revealed a frozen, icy abyss.

Although an audio recorder attached to the USV did record agonized begging and enraged cursing in what Brazilian linguistics experts have identified as English, Spanish, Hebrew, Latin, Greek, Sumerian, German, and Esperanto.

Potential ramifications of this discovery, and why such a dramatic change occurred between Thursday and Saturday, are still being debated by experts, with plans to send a manned expedition into the area to gather information being vetoed by the Brazilian Navy, because, according to a naval media liasion "You ever see that movie with Morpheus in space, my fren? Is no good can come of us running around down there."

In probably unrelated news, Rodrigo Medeiros blackbelt and UFC veteran Tim Credeur promoted me to purple belt Saturday, September 27, 2011, pictoral evidence is up on my profile picture.

**Styygens** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 8:39pm

Congrats, Vince!

But I don't think this is going to be enough to settle the on-off theological debate. In the end, it's just a purple colored cloth belt to hold your gi closed; no divine intervention or intelligent design necessary to explain it.

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 8:42pm

On one hand, it could be said that is truly proof the beneficient hand of the Lord Himself that I somehow was able to become a purple belt.

On the other hand, it could be said that if a beneficent Creator existed, he would never allow Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to suffer the shame of me being a purple belt.

Glass half full, half empty, six, half dozen, po-TAY-to, po-TAH-toe...

**ADM** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 8:58pm

I think I still remember your Blue Belt story (Royce gave it to you at seminar a couple of years ago yeah?).

In any regard, congrats mate.

**Styygens** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 9:14pm

Now, if Helio returned from the grave to hand out purple belts...

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 9:29pm

Originally Posted by ADM

I think I still remember your Blue Belt story (Royce gave it to you at seminar a couple of years ago yeah?).

In any regard, congrats mate.

That was indeed me. Coach Credeur told everyone that story when he called me up to get my new belt.

**DKJr** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 9:30pm

Damnit, they opened it up? Now I'm going to have to fight the Devil (Kimura) for a 1,000 years culminating in a great Battle at the ruins of Denver. It happens to be the site of New Jerusalem.

Oh yeah, congrats about the Barney colored cloth strip.

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 8/30/2011 9:33pm

Kimura is the Devil you say?
Whenever he speaks to me in the academy, he always sounds like Nick Diaz.
("Don't take no crap off that white belt, homie! Heel hook that punk! 209! 209!") but then again he (it?) is supposed to be the Father of Lies.