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  1. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 2:28am

    supporting member
     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    The ballad of Steven Seagal thread

    THE BALLAD OF STEVEN SEAGAL THREAD.

    Ok, before starting...we need some groundrules. This thread is for haikus, and not **** else. If you have something to say, say it with this structure.


    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables


    If you want to comment on another posters haiku, or mock how craptastic the entire thread concept is...your comment should also be a haiku....like this:

    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables
    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables

    It's going to be a challenge to contain mean things about the walking cautionary tale that is Seagalilama (or my thread) to 17 syllables, but you can multi-verse it, and you'll be fine...except your dwelling on Steven Seagal haikus, so you're obviously pretty fuckin far from fine.

    I have a daytime gig today (Sun), and when I get back (drunk), there should be some fine storytelling, honoring this man who resembles old fat Elvis in appearance only (without all that genius baggage).


    I'm going to start it off. It's actually a story....a ninja story.


    Ideally, even the setting text for this script, would be in haiku form. I'll go first. (in a new post)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    This is a s3rious bisnaz alert. Do not adjust your int3rnets.

    The council for int3rnets sanity, along with the auxiliary women's e-ethics and i-accountability commission have deemed this thread to be offensive to...pretty much everything.


    Dr. Tool P.P. Bendingstaff of the transnational directorate of counter-trolling has rated this thread DRUNK.

    DRUNK
    "I think it's safe to eat, there's no blue on it yet"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Addendum: [Scene] does not count as a syllable. But that's it.
    You can kill or maim him, but it's magic rules, so he can heal from pretty much anything. If he dies, you can bring him back as whatever, and wherever/whenever and continue. It's going to end up with ninjas somehow...I can feel it.


    Last edited by bobyclumsyninja; 8/21/2011 3:06am at .
  2. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 2:37am

    supporting member
     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'll be dropping photoshops of some of the action, as the thread heats up, so ya know. I'll have to keep it SFW though. New Rulez.

    [Scene]
    Fat hand wobbles first
    Following fat hand cam pans
    Street is poorly lit

    You can see mic yes
    Clearly in picture and yet
    Sound is still sketchy
    [/scene]
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Brought up by penguins
    Taught to fry, and bake, and purge
    At a tender age

    Now assassin smiles
    These jowls have eaten more steak
    Than ten cows could give

    Hero "Cletus Fire"
    Waddles and stifles a fart
    it's business time now


    Last edited by bobyclumsyninja; 8/21/2011 2:42am at .
  3. TaeBo_Master is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 2:58am

    supporting memberforum leader
     Style: Judo, Jujitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Our hero enters
    Out of breath from walking here
    Ghetto thugs abound

    No threat does he feel
    Aikido gives confidence
    But not skill sadly

    P.S.:
    Quote Originally Posted by bobyclumsyninja
    there should be some fine prose
    Haiku is not prose
    It is poetry you fool
    Even if not good
    Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


    "You all just got fucking owned.";
    "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

    - The Wastrel
  4. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 3:04am

    supporting member
     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Fat man seagali
    known to these parts as cletus
    seeks pen0r steroids

    Straight to video
    is not why this man's roadbound
    aikido is boss

    His feet perform feats
    As does his belt yet even so
    reinforced pants groan
  5. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 3:08am

    supporting member
     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by TaeBo_Master View Post
    Haiku is not prose
    It is poetry you fool
    Even if not good
    You should have waited
    I can even more edit
    History is dead
  6. 100xobm is offline
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    Senior Member

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    New Zealand
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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 3:23am


     Style: BJJ, formerly Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    **** me I'm hungry
    I really want a sandwich
    Fiona Apple
    Quote Originally Posted by Judoka_UK
    Judo is the PC to Sambo's Mac.
  7. EnragedChewtoy is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    rehab
    Posts
    11

    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 3:40am


     Style: recovering krotty LARPer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    A brotha jay-walks
    Faster than Cletus can run
    Or unleash front kick.

    Cletus sings the blues
    Old time, lardassed honky blues
    Cletus so black now.

    Brotha starts running
    Across the street, away from
    Crazy fat cracka.
  8. TaeBo_Master is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 4:33am

    supporting memberforum leader
     Style: Judo, Jujitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Anderson Silva
    Claims this man as his sensei
    Learn your place you fool

    Aikido r0x0rz
    Self defense is for realz yo
    Front kick FTW
    Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


    "You all just got fucking owned.";
    "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

    - The Wastrel
  9. Robstafarian is offline
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    Chesterfield, VA
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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 4:53am


     Style: None

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Come, sing Zydeco!
    Cletus be Cajun. He say
    “Who dat?” when I call.

    Three Chin Kingpin
    shoots some damn sketchy hustlers.
    He is Big Easy.

    Magic pants gently
    flow in perfumed winds amid
    copious bullshit.
  10. TaeBo_Master is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/21/2011 5:04am

    supporting memberforum leader
     Style: Judo, Jujitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Good acting is not
    Everything, just ask Seagal
    and Jean Claude Van Damme

    Ballet, Aikido
    And other types of dancing
    Seem to sell movies
    Click To Get My Free Training Newsletter... Do It NOW!


    "You all just got fucking owned.";
    "TaeBo_Master and GajusCaesar just scored 10,000,000 points on all you pawns."

    - The Wastrel
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