USA, 2011: Conan the Barbarian

**Conde Koma** · Posted On: 8/20/2011 4:52pm

In honor of one whole year doing Fight Film Fridays, I am glad to present my very first video review!

Conan the Barbarian
USA, 2011
Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy
112 minutes
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0816462/

And, of course, special thanks to everyone here at Bullshido. Without you wonderful bunch of barbarians, none of this would be possible.

**It is Fake** · Posted On: 8/20/2011 5:15pm

Hahahahahaaa that was my exact problem. It felt like a TV Show condensed into a movie. Various episodes strung together to make a story. Stretch this out, like Game of Thrones, on a premium channel and it would be good.

It was to nerdy for mainstream and the fact it only pulled 3,5 mil isn't to good..

**Styygens** · Posted On: 8/20/2011 8:30pm

Koma;

Your review was a million times better than the movie.

I will say you are right that it was nice to be able to actually see the action sequences unfold. Too many films give me twitchy, too-close camera work. And I did enjoy watching Rose McGowan ham it up.

Otherwise, I just going to agree with this review:
http://occamsbroadsword.blogspot.com...ally-that.html

Oh, and nice video.

**W. Rabbit** · Posted On: 8/21/2011 1:02pm

"Original film...features one of the most iconic movie soundtracks of all time".

**Styygens** · Posted On: 8/21/2011 6:21pm

One more thing I should've said before.

Why should I feel the least bit guilty about comparing this schlock with the original movie or the stories? I'm not the one who decided to title it "Conan the Barbarian in 3D." The producers, script writers (there were three credited script writers -- THREE!!!), and the director are all begging for the comparison.

They could've remade The Beastmaster.

**hapkido_keith** · Posted On: 8/21/2011 10:53pm

Originally Posted by Styygens

They could've remade The Beastmaster.

I would actually be more likely to see that than this current heaping pile of mediocrity.

**Hiro Protagonist** · Posted On: 8/22/2011 10:03am

What I wrote about the movie:

http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/vi...51337&start=60

Originally Posted by Rafe

Hehe, I TAKE OFFENSE!!!

Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves is my favorite movie of ALL time!
(I was nine years old when I first watched it; some of you surely played with barbies as kids, so give me a break. :wink: )

As to the new Conan, I am glad they tuned down the racism and the white supremacy <i><expletive deleted></i>, and instead of the original stories moved on and based this movie mainly on the comic book line:
In particular, I think Timothy Truman's "Conan the Cimmerian" run seems to have been a huge influence on Nispel and the writers.

Apart from that, it's a thoroughly solid movie; you get what you pay for, which is naked chicks, muscles, gore, and special effects. However, probably to budgetary concerns, the movie lacks originality, and is completely devoid of any moment of surprise.

In short:

Jason Momoa = good Conan.
Score = remarkably bad.
Aesthetics/design/make-up=Very, very good.
Rose McGowan = FAIL.

Overall, I can name two movies of the same genre that I watched in the last year and that I enjoyed more, them being "The Eagle of the Ninth", and "Centurion". Not sure if it is a good thing for the movie that I watch this newer one and look at them so fondly.

If I had to buy, I would rather recommend Nispel's "Pathfinder", which has an equally bland story, but better graphics.

...Though the sandmen scene freaking ruled!

WHEN A BARBARIAN FEELS THIRST, HE THIRSTS FOR BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!

Also, YES, Costner's Robin Hood is really my favorite movie of all time.