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  1. Larus marinus is offline
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    Banzai Buddy

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    NW England
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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 12:24pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Nothing - yet

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I prefer Grace. She's a great dancer.

  2. Hedgehogey is offline
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    Tsun-Derrorist

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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 1:22pm

    supporting member
     Style: ^_^

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by W. Rabbit View Post
    Here's a mental game anyone can play.

    I like to call it "Pick The Sparring Partner You're Least Likely to Maim at Purple Dragon".

    I call the kids in the front row. All the other rows look kindof soft, but those kids think of nothing but murder all day.


    "The only important elements in any society
    are the artistic and the criminal,
    because they alone, by questioning the society's values,
    can force it to change."-Samuel R. Delany

    RENDERING GELATINOUS WINDMILL OF DICKS

    THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST NON-EUCLIDIAN SPLATTERJOUST EVER

    It seems that the only people who support anarchy are faggots, who want their pathetic immoral lifestyle accepted by the mainstream society. It wont be so they try to create their own.-Oldman34, friend to all children
  3. Lindz is online now

    Senior Member

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    Burnaby B.C.
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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 1:28pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by atomicpoet View Post
    UPDATE: I called up the Purple Dragon Academy today. First, I needed confirmation that these were the very same people who did the music video. The conversation went like this:

    ME: Hello, how are you?

    INSTRUCTOR: Pretty good.

    ME: Are you the Purple Dragon Academy?

    INSTRUCTOR: Yes.

    ME: Did you create the music video "The Way of the Purple Dragon"?

    INSTRUCTOR: Yes.

    ME: And Sensei Amber is the very same Sensei Amber who sang background vocals in that song?

    INSTRUCTOR: Yes.

    ME: Well, you've inspired me to check out your dojo. How much for a drop-in lesson?

    INSTRUCTOR: You can come in tonight if you're available. Introductory lesson is free.

    ME: Okay, I'll be there!

    ------

    FACTS ABOUT PURPLE DRAGON ACADEMY
    Website: http://purpledragonacademy.ca/
    Sensei: Amber Murphy
    Winner of Best Martial Arts Studio in Vancouver 2010 according to the Georgia Straight.

    ...And they host Karate Birthday Parties!

    Wish me luck!
    Where are they? I want to come too. But i dunno if i could keep a straight face.

    Internet demands video
  4. atomicpoet is offline

    Registered Member

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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 1:35pm


     Style: Western Boxing, Tai Chi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Lindz View Post
    Where are they? I want to come too. But i dunno if i could keep a straight face.

    Internet demands video
    2939 W.4th Avenue, Vancouver, BC.

    I will be there at 7PM tonight.

    Yes, there will be pictures. I will do my best to include video as well. Who knows, maybe I can talk them into doing an interview.
  5. patfromlogan is offline
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    Heavyweight

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    Hilo Island of Hawaii
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    8,864

    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 6:18pm

    supporting member
     Style: Kyokushinkai / Kajukenbo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Just be nice to that cute instructor! It'd be wonderful to get some private lessons going with her! McDojos got (the most) cute wimmens!
    "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez
  6. atomicpoet is offline

    Registered Member

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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 10:23pm


     Style: Western Boxing, Tai Chi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Just got out of my introductory lesson at the Purple Dragon Academy. The place is pretty much like the music video. A more thorough review will follow -- I'm on my phone right now. But this place is epic.
  7. JKDChick is offline
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    Senior Administrator

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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 10:30pm

    staff
     Style: JKD, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Gezere View Post
    I struggled greatly to make it to the two minute mark. I kept wondering if this was serious or not.
    I got to 1:45. But I was drinking
    Monkey Ninjas! Attack!
  8. JKDChick is offline
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    Senior Administrator

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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 10:30pm

    staff
     Style: JKD, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I wish I'd seen this earlier, I'd have come by too
    Monkey Ninjas! Attack!
  9. Ciderbone is offline

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    Vancouver, Canada
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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 11:20pm


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by JKDChick View Post
    I wish I'd seen this earlier, I'd have come by too
    I'm actually not sures why it didn't occur to me to check them out (oh right, I had an actual jiu jitsu class to attend)... but now I'm sorely tempted... especially if atomics photos and stories are as juicy as he claims.
  10. atomicpoet is offline

    Registered Member

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    Vancouver
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    Posted On:
    8/05/2011 11:49pm


     Style: Western Boxing, Tai Chi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Review of the Purple Dragon Academy (Kitsilano)

    Every single moment of that introductory lesson is etched inside my psyche. I have never experienced anything so bizarre in a martial art ever before. Yes, not even when I did Wing Chun.

    This review, for all intents and purposes, will need to be broken up into different parts.

    But first, here's proof I actually visited the Purple Dragon Academy.



    On Arrival

    When I arrived at the Purple Dragon Academy, I was greeted with suspicion. Admittedly, I'm probably not their preferred clientele -- seeing how I came in directly from work, slightly sweaty, with some gristle on my face.

    "What are you doing here?!?" I was immediately asked by the middle-aged female sensei.

    "I called in earlier for an introductory lesson," I replied.

    "Oh... well come back in 10 minutes."

    10 minutes later, I came back. Seeing how I had been a few hours removed from using the bathroom, I immediately made my way over to the men's room.

    "STOP!" said the sensei.

    I stopped.

    "When you enter the dojo, you show respect. Bow, extend your palms, and say, 'Oos'!"

    I did it, and promptly made my way to the bathroom. As I was peeing, I was hearing the class start. So, I quickly washed up, and made my way out.

    Just as I opened the door, the sensei yelled, "STOP!"

    I froze in my tracks.

    "Yet again, you disrespect the dojo. Bow, extend your palms, and say 'Oos'!"

    I did as she said, and made my way over. Once facing the sensei, I took a look around.

    The first question that came into my mind was, "Where's all the dudes?" In fact, there was but only one other person with a penis there. Everybody else was a mom.

    Warming Up

    The sensei there was not the Sensei Amber Murphy, but the second-in-command. Apparently, the real sensei was in Trinidad training with the Professor Don Jacobs.

    However, the girl singing vocals in the music video was there, assisting the second-in-command. This girl is actually pretty sweet, and probably the most likable person in the dojo. As for everybody else... I'll get to that later.

    First we did jumping jacks, then push-ups, and then.... the insanity started.

    We had to lie on our backs, do crunch-ups and spell Sensei Amber Murphy's name with our legs. I **** you not. We had to start with "S" for "Sensei" -- curving our legs in the air to spell the "S". We had to spell her entire name, ending with the "Y" in "Murphy".

    Next, we had to stand in a horse stance, and each take our turn yelling out a positive word -- words like, "affirmation", "sacrifice". The words I choose were "happiness" and "laughter" because those were the words I was feeling at the moment.

    Demo

    First, I had to watch everyone do demos. Strictly speaking, they weren't demoing anything that could be considered self-defense. The closest to what they were doing was popping-and-locking.

    Every so often, they would mix in a punch or a kick. Whenever they did so, they would emit a piercing sound like this: "EYE-UL-ALALALUH!"

    From what I gathered, if I was caught in a back alley with any of them, I wouldn't feel frightened.

    After they did their demo, they left the dojo (bowing and saying something in what sounded like terrible Japanese), and ran around the block in bare feet. There was no way I was doing that, and I think the sensei knew, so she didn't ask.

    Kata

    So far, I was giving them the benefit of the doubt -- even though the Purple Dragon Academy seemed like an insane personality cult. But the kata was where I officially had to end my suspension of disbelief.

    The first thing I had to learn was how to block. To do this, "I had to stand square, stick one perpendicular to the floor, then stick my other arm across my chest with my hand underneath my armpit. From here, I had move the hand underneath my armpit over my head, and move my level arm back with the hand chambered under my armpit.

    I did this ten times.

    The next block they showed me worked like this. Make a fist, touch it to my temple, then swoop around right in front of my chest.

    From sparring in boxing, I felt this was a dangerous maneuver, so I had to ask the sensei, "If you blocked like that, why wouldn't I punch the hand that's right by your noggin?"

    Sensei looked at me with a sour face, and said, "Don't ask me any questions. You don't even know how to fight right now."

    So I tried not to.

    But then, she tried teaching me how to punch. To do that, I had to be in a 45 degree angular horse stance, with my fists positioned in underneath my eyes like Mike Tyson.

    Just to make sure this is exactly what she wanted me to do, I asked, "So it's feet apart, at 45 degrees, hands in peek-a-boo position?"

    She got really angry when I said peek-a-boo. "IT'S A FRONT STANCE!" I was then asked to practice my blocks 10 times each.

    Wind down

    Finally, we had to sit down cross-legged, and stare at the wall -- and then recited all the deep saying of Professor Don Jacob.

    When that was done, we stood up and heard a very touching story, as told by sensei's assistant. It had to do with a businessman, and his travels. It contained, I'm sure, a very profound thought -- at least this is how it seemed with all the students nodding in appreciation. I just don't know what that profound that was.

    Then, we had to close our eyes, say the Don Jitsu Ryu motto. Only, I wasn't supposed to say anything since I wasn't a student yet.

    Afterwards, we all did the Special Dragon handshake. This was like a regular handshake, but afterwards, you're supposed to bump shoulders.

    When finished, we all left the court, bowed, and said, "Oos!"

    Questions to the Sensei

    So everything I "learned" really rubbed me the wrong way. I felt it was dangerous. But still, I had to give the sensei some credit and ask her further about what I had learned.

    I approached her and asked, "May I now ask you about the practicality of what I learned?"

    "Yes, you are now allowed to ask questions."

    "Can you demonstrate how those blocks would be effective against a punch."

    "When you learn how to fight, I will show you," she said.

    "Okay, but... I've learned some boxing. How about showing me a little bit about how the block works?" I pleaded.

    "All right. Let's do it."

    I got into my boxing stance, and moved my jab extremely slowly near her head. Sensei did not move. She stayed still -- and did not bother to demonstrate any of the blocks she showed me, even though she said she was going to do it.

    At this point I stopped, realizing I had to ask a more important question.

    "Do you feel comfortable with your ability to defend yourself?"

    Sensei pondered for a moment. "Don Jitsu Ryu teaches you to never start a fight."

    "Okay," I measure my words carefully, "But if you had no choice, do you feel that Don Jitsu Ryu would help you if a big man attacked you?"

    "I would kick him in the balls," she said.

    All right. This conversation was a dead end. I decided to stop pursuing it.

    Leaving the Dojo

    Finally, I looked over at the other students. I turned my attention to the sensei's assistant.

    "Hey, I saw your YouTube video," I said, "and I thought it was inspirational."

    "Thank you," she said, "Why did you come out here?"

    "I saw the music video, and it touched me so much I had to check out your school," I explained, "The lyrics are amazing: 'A wise man knows that he's a wise man who knows what he knows!'"

    The lone male student began to hum the tune, and soon, we all burst into song: "This is the waaaaaa-aaaaa-aaay of purple dragon!"

    When we finished, one of the mom's daughters looked at me and said, "I've got a brown belt!" She looked so proud of herself.

    "That's a wonderful achievement!" I said to her, and smiled -- although, I strongly doubted what I said to her.

    There's no place like the Purple Dragon Academy. It's a McDojo teaching bullshido that doubles as a personality cult. But it's also an enthralling experience.

    POSTSCRIPT: I know I promised pictures, but unfortunately, I already got on sensei's bad side -- I didn't want to get kicked out by further "dishonouring" their dojo. Ho hum. Sometimes that's how it goes.
    Last edited by atomicpoet; 8/05/2011 11:54pm at .
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