The Worst Techniques I've Ever Been Taught

**omoplatypus** · Posted On: 4/11/2012 11:10pm

Originally Posted by tmorterlaing

Aa security guard who was a black belt in Tae Kwon Do was confronted by a guy holding a knife. The Black belt proceeded to kick the guy in the head with a roundhouse- I gather he connected fine, but in doing so sliced open his femoral artery and actually died a few minutes later- the assailant didnt even really attack the guy, he was pretty much just holding the knife.

i never thought of that scenario playing out, but now that i've read it, i can see how that could happen easily.

people just don't get that knives are deadly weapons, and jet li disarming techniques only work in movies.

**tmorterlaing** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 5:18am

An odd one- I was once taught to bite someone in the ribs if they head locked you standing from the side (i.e., you turn your head a bit if you can and bite their ribs). However this actually works pretty well, certainly surprises the attacker...

EDIT- obviously not as a sole defence, or as a primary method of escaping :D

**ermghoti** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 8:10am

That would be pretty irritating. However, if you can turn your head that much, it's a rather shitty headlock, and you could probably escape using a more conventional escape, which would have the added benefit of not earning you a curb smiley in the event the encounter does not ultimately go your way.

"Never escalate the violence level in a fight you are losing." -Bas Rutten.

**tmorterlaing** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 8:14am

Originally Posted by ermghoti

That would be pretty irritating. However, if you can turn your head that much, it's a rather shitty headlock, and you could probably escape using a more conventional escape, which would have the added benefit of not earning you a curb smiley in the event the encounter does not ultimately go your way.

"Never escalate the violence level in a fight you are losing." -Bas Rutten.

True- its more like if the way they grabbed you has turned ur head into their body (which can happen)- and it certainly hurts like a bitch- kind of that horrible deep nerve pain like when you get punched in the kidney :D

**ermghoti** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 9:49am

Sure, not disputing that it would be nasty, I'm just at a loss for how good an idea it is. There's about three outcomes possible:

1. It's super effective! You get away mostly unscathed.

2. As above. However, the police end up getting called by a third party, the facts are in dispute, and you have potentially exposed yourself to a mayhem charge, where at most simple assault would apply had you just grappled out.

3. It's not very effective. You end up at the mercy of the guy you just went Marv Albert on. He extracts the settlement from your hide to even things up.

4. Mouthful of hobo armpit. WELCOEM TO HEPATIGHTUS!!11!!

**tmorterlaing** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 9:50am

Haha! Agreed :D

**ermghoti** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 9:57am

Actually, if you are literally fighting to the death, you are a woman being dragged into a car by a stranger, a serviceman or woman about to be abducted certain places overseas, go nuts. Basically, if you have nothing to lose, fight like an animal. Anything short of that, assume you're headed to court, and comport yourself accordingly. IMHO

**Permalost** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 11:00am

Originally Posted by tmorterlaing

An odd one- I was once taught to bite someone in the ribs if they head locked you standing from the side (i.e., you turn your head a bit if you can and bite their ribs). However this actually works pretty well, certainly surprises the attacker...

I was talking to a friend of mine down by the beach, and he showed me two bite injuries he got in a bar fight earlier in the week. He put some guy in a headlock and the guy managed to bite his pectoral area and his left thumb. He held the headlock and started pounding the guy's head with punches, ballooning his hand up in the process.

**Chili Pepper** · Posted On: 4/12/2012 3:18pm

I just went through this whole thread, because it's so damn good.

I was taught a southern kung fu form that contained techniques only to be used in challenge matches, which included such techniques as:
- kneeling down and punching the foot.
- kneeling down and hooking the opponent's lead foot with your hand, to yank him off balance.
- punching (palm down) with the wrist and elbow a little bent so that the fist was coming out along the center line, and the two first knuckles were aligned to the target
- attacking the groin with twin tiger claws, side-by-side (I guess if you're attacked by Siamese twins)
- attacking the abdomen with twin finger tip/snake hand attacks, side-by-side
- two-finger poke to the eyes, performed with a lot of power (from a hip-chambered hand) rather than a quick flick, and done multiple times in the form
- plus some silly little flippy kicks.

The same teacher, on my first class with him, taught me a punch defence that included turning your back on your opponent (at close range), protecting the back of your neck with one hand, and striking his groin with the other. I guess that should've been my first clue, but he had some real ability with chin-na/joint locks, and I wanted to learn that.

Same instructor decided he wanted to build up a stronger head-butt, so he practiced against a cinder-block wall, with the inevitable result of fucking up his neck.

Had an instructor teach me a two-person form that included ducking under a crescent kick, and grabbing the opponent's hand while you did so, then standing up and pulling on the hand to flip him. Amazingly, I once pulled this off in sparring against a student, totally unintentionally. He lay there on the ground thinking I was some sort of martial god, and I stood there thinking "what the ****??"

People have already mentioned jointlocks against handshakes ... I learned at least three.

Knife disarms in FMA. Really, you'd think they'd be the go-to guys for dealing with a knife, but bullshit knows no boundaries. I think I've learned maybe two that have real applicability, and the rest are just performance art.

More to come, no doubt.

**tmorterlaing** · Posted On: 4/13/2012 4:21am

Originally Posted by Permalost

I was talking to a friend of mine down by the beach, and he showed me two bite injuries he got in a bar fight earlier in the week. He put some guy in a headlock and the guy managed to bite his pectoral area and his left thumb. He held the headlock and started pounding the guy's head with punches, ballooning his hand up in the process.

Well, that answer that question, DONT bite people. Lol.