The Worst Techniques I've Ever Been Taught

[Hochizen]

Worst technique I was taught was a defense against a front bear hug/choke/whatever. You were supposed to reach up with a free hand, grab a handful of hair, and by pulling down the attacker would be in such pain he would let go. Long story short, is I got jumped by some drunks, and lo and behold a longhair grabbed me from the front. So I reacted with this great technique, and pulled a huge chunk of hair our of the dude's head, and he didn't let go. Fortunately, I was able to improvise and dug my fingers into his eyes, which DID make him let me go.....but for those folks out there who think grabbing some drunks hair is going to do anything, please realize folks who are drunk aren't feeling much pain.

[jstringfellow]

im sorry if someone already posted this but i just got tired of reading all 59 pages of posts.........
when i first learned the armbar from mount in bjj i was told to cross my ankles to help keep the op from escaping....but later learned that you are supposed to ankles uncrossed at all time in bjj.

[Hurt]

Actually I think it's fine to cross them in an armbar from mount and possibly preferred, but that's the only situation I think there is. I don't see how you could be punished for it like you could in other situations.

[jstringfellow]

well when someone gets in an armbar and they have it set in..you know when your on your backand they cross their ankel it really easy to push their legs up to your neck and then from there all i have to do is roll backwards..it hurts your arm if they have it set in tight but it always works for me.. i find that the best way to keep my legs is one above the shoulder and one under it with your feet flat on the floor if possible and then just squeeze your knees togather......i dont know this might not work for everyone but its never failed for me

[v1y]

The crossed/uncrossed debate continues! Really though if that's the worst technique you've ever been taught you can consider yourself a lucky man.

[astrobiologist]

[vile_zoidberg]

I remember one particularly ****-errific training session with Manabi-Masho. On a lark, the instructor decided we would be doing some "real" ninja training (Manabi-Masho, as taught in North Carolina, has heavy elements of Ninjitsu). I'm twelve years old, chubby, I own a pair of tabi (sweet ninja-shoes), and I'm told I'm going to learn true ninja techniques. Bitching!

We went to the instructor's home (which looked like one of those fake brick houses, like it was originally a double-wide trailor, but someone placed bricks around it to make it more middle-classed), where we started learning the secrets of Ninja Stealth. Helpful hints like "moving debris out of your way as you sneak." Not walking aroung said debris, but delicately picking it up and moving it over. This is a very flexible technique, as you can effectively apply it to a single dried leaf, a stick, or even a rock!

We then covered treeborne (hooah!) ambushes. That's right. Lurking in a branch 5-10 feet off the gound, and effective ways to pounce on your enemy. Of course, this segment of instruction was demonstration only, and performed from a very low branch so the instructor wouldn't kill the hapless uke with his mad ninja skillz.

We also covered evasive rolling, and, my favorite, evasive jump-rolling. You know, for when you have to jump over the Super Secret Spike Pit of Soul-Crushing Doom.

That is just one of my training experiences. As others have noted, Manabi is pure, 100%, unadulterated McDojo bull semen. Of course, as always, we warmed up and cooled down with the infamous speed punches.

Another favorite technique that was commonly employed was the "bow and arrow" armbar, performed standing. The idea is to catch the uke's arm as he thows. As he throws and you catch, you are stepping deep into his flank, almost behind him. Bring his arm over his shoulder, cranking his wrist/elbow towards you, and using your free hand to push against his neck. This resulted in a cool body position for you, because your uke now looks like your fleshy bow-bitch. Very cool and very painful, but the issue is the amount of time getting to the final awesome pose.

I had to learn the hard way that it doesn't work nearly as well as it should while slap-boxing in junior high with a guy that had a good 50lbs and six inches on me. I didn't win.

Oh, I just thought of another one: If someone is going for a shoot (you know, leg-grabbing for the takedown), fall on your back and stick a leg out. He'll commit involuntary seppukku on your foot-spear. No mention, at any time, from anyone in there about "sprawling."

[kultist]

Oh, I just thought of another one: If someone is going for a shoot (you know, leg-grabbing for the takedown), fall on your back and stick a leg out. He'll commit involuntary seppukku on your foot-spear. No mention, at any time, from anyone in there about "sprawling."

Was that like a tomoe nage with extra fail?

[vile_zoidberg]

Was that like a tomoe nage with extra fail?

Kind of, except there is no hand use at all, and no actual throw. The technique was to, quite literally, fall onto your back and lift a leg. Bonus points if you protect your face while laying there, hoping you stop the guy with your foot.

Heh, I remember one time in TSD we were going over "real life self-defense." This was basically having a couple of the more senior (rank-wise) folk putting on a bunch of gear and letting you wail on them for a while. It was awesome. Anyways, the instructor was going for a tackle-style attack on this new girl in the class, who had a Judo background. She performed the most beautiful tomoe nage I have ever seen, and the instructor was sent into a wall. Very fun.

(By the way, my apologies for the delayed response)

[foxd]

Please tell me you asked her out later.