1. #1

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    Tacoma, WA. Jiu-Jitsu school for a 12 year old

    Good afternoon. I am hoping to get good feedback on Jiu-Jitsu schools/academy's in Tacoma. There are quite a few that "look good" on the serfice, but experience tells me the cover can hide alot. I have a 12 year old son, small little guy, who is allready starting the school year at his bus stop with a bang. I received a text to let me know one child is lobbing crab apples at him while another is bashing him with a stick (mom-hulk anger in 3...2....1). Obviously i got on the phone to make sure he stayed safe until the bus arrived and then talked him into the office, still waiting on a call from the pricipal.
    I am fed up. Bullying is getting worse and the bullies keep getting bigger while my son stays the smallest child in middle school. He is kind hearted and very intelligent but feels very defeated. I want him to learn to defend himself from the bigger guys without having to hit/punch his way out. The abillity to defend without harming seems to be the way to go. Take them down, keep them down, without the consequences of an all out battle.
    I want to make sure he is taught responsibly and learns to focus and be confident in himself without feeling the need to be violent. Control.
    Can anyone give me some ideas of the respected schools in the Tacoma area that will be best for a 12 year old?
    Thank you for any advice you can give.

  2. #2

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    I'm not familiar with the area that you're in, but I will say that you're only fooling yourself if you think that he won't be taught to punch or kick at a ju-jitsu school. Self defense begins at home in my opinion too. Let him know that's it's ok to defend himself. Perhaps toughen him up a little bit at home. The good ju-jitsu schools won't teach children, even 12 year olds, a lot of submission holds and restraint holds because it is too easy to seriously injure someone else. He will be taught to control his strikes and not be overly violent, but he WILL be taught how to strike.

    You say "Take them down, keep them down, without the consequences of an all out battle", but I want you to think about that. What is he supposed to do after he takes someone down? Wait for help? Wait for a teacher? If a teacher walks in on the middle of that fight, and sees your son in the dominant position, on top or restraining another student, the teacher will put a majority of the blame on him unless the teacher knows him personally and knows the bully, believe me, I know from experience. Otherwise he'll be the one in most of the trouble at school. And what if help doesn't come? How long do you think your "small" son will be able to keep a bigger kid down with out doing anything else to him? Not very long. It's ok to want your son to defend himself, but you as the parent need to realize that striking comes with the territory. He WILL come home with a black eye one day. As Mr. Miyagi once said, "it's ok to lose to opponent, it's not ok to lose to fear......". Have him learn how to defend himself, then turn him lose. Just my opinion though.

  3. #3
    BKR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taebotoni View Post
    Good afternoon. I am hoping to get good feedback on Jiu-Jitsu schools/academy's in Tacoma. There are quite a few that "look good" on the serfice, but experience tells me the cover can hide alot. I have a 12 year old son, small little guy, who is allready starting the school year at his bus stop with a bang. I received a text to let me know one child is lobbing crab apples at him while another is bashing him with a stick (mom-hulk anger in 3...2....1). Obviously i got on the phone to make sure he stayed safe until the bus arrived and then talked him into the office, still waiting on a call from the pricipal.
    I am fed up. Bullying is getting worse and the bullies keep getting bigger while my son stays the smallest child in middle school. He is kind hearted and very intelligent but feels very defeated. I want him to learn to defend himself from the bigger guys without having to hit/punch his way out. The abillity to defend without harming seems to be the way to go. Take them down, keep them down, without the consequences of an all out battle.
    I want to make sure he is taught responsibly and learns to focus and be confident in himself without feeling the need to be violent. Control.
    Can anyone give me some ideas of the respected schools in the Tacoma area that will be best for a 12 year old?
    Thank you for any advice you can give.
    I suggest finding a good Judo school, and making sure the school and other authorities are aware of what is going on.

    Get the names of the kids doing the bullying and file complaint with the local police or sheriff's office as well.

    It's unrealistic to expect your son to learn how to do what you describe in any reasonable length of time.

    Judo will be good for his self confidence and is useful in self defense, although self defense is not the focus of kids Judo programs.

    I know these guys, they run a good program. http://www.leaguelineup.com/welcome....&sid=246512007
    Falling for Judo since 1980

    "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

    "The best part of getting you worked up is your backpack full of irony and lies." -It Is Fake

    "Banning BKR is like kicking a Quokka. It's foolishness of the first order." - Raycetpfl

  4. #4

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    Moved to Newbietown forum from Bullshido.

    @taebotoni - I commend you on recognizing there is a problem and looking to do something about it. There are many parents on the forum as well that have kids that have been in a similar situation.


    Here's a great article on Finding a good martial arts school. Covers McDojos, Bullshido, warnings signs and choosing a school for your kid. Share it with your friends!

    http://www.bullshido.org/Finding_a_g...al_arts_school

    Good luck.
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  5. #5
    jspeedy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taebotoni View Post
    Good afternoon. I am hoping to get good feedback on Jiu-Jitsu schools/academy's in Tacoma. There are quite a few that "look good" on the serfice, but experience tells me the cover can hide alot. I have a 12 year old son, small little guy, who is allready starting the school year at his bus stop with a bang. I received a text to let me know one child is lobbing crab apples at him while another is bashing him with a stick (mom-hulk anger in 3...2....1). Obviously i got on the phone to make sure he stayed safe until the bus arrived and then talked him into the office, still waiting on a call from the pricipal.
    I am fed up. Bullying is getting worse and the bullies keep getting bigger while my son stays the smallest child in middle school. He is kind hearted and very intelligent but feels very defeated. I want him to learn to defend himself from the bigger guys without having to hit/punch his way out. The abillity to defend without harming seems to be the way to go. Take them down, keep them down, without the consequences of an all out battle.
    I want to make sure he is taught responsibly and learns to focus and be confident in himself without feeling the need to be violent. Control.
    Can anyone give me some ideas of the respected schools in the Tacoma area that will be best for a 12 year old?
    Thank you for any advice you can give.
    Good for you Mom for coming to the right place to ask bout martial arts for your son. I think the right martial art could really help your son. Of course, the wrong martial art could do a lot of damage. Some styles brood a cultish tough guy mentality that their style is too deadly for competition. They preach self defense and frown on competitive or sport based systems. A lot of these negative types are introverts or outcasts themselves who have been bullies and thrive on nerdy or weaker kids they can impose authority upon. It sounds like what you may be looking for is a Brazilian Jiu Jitusu school (aka BJJ). Judo is also good and tends to be more affordable. The learning curve for BJJ is a little quicker than judo. BJJ focuses on ground fighting where smaller guys like me often end up when pushed around. Within 6 months to a year your son should have the knowledge to escape most unfavorable positions, in additon he will learn some decent takedowns. Judo has groundfighting as well but has more emphasis on takedowns. BJJ teaches no strikes as far as I know.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bulldog1 View Post
    I'm not familiar with the area that you're in, but I will say that you're only fooling yourself if you think that he won't be taught to punch or kick at a ju-jitsu school. Self defense begins at home in my opinion too. Let him know that's it's ok to defend himself. Perhaps toughen him up a little bit at home. The good ju-jitsu schools won't teach children, even 12 year olds, a lot of submission holds and restraint holds because it is too easy to seriously injure someone else. He will be taught to control his strikes and not be overly violent, but he WILL be taught how to strike.

    You say "Take them down, keep them down, without the consequences of an all out battle", but I want you to think about that. What is he supposed to do after he takes someone down? Wait for help? Wait for a teacher? If a teacher walks in on the middle of that fight, and sees your son in the dominant position, on top or restraining another student, the teacher will put a majority of the blame on him unless the teacher knows him personally and knows the bully, believe me, I know from experience. Otherwise he'll be the one in most of the trouble at school. And what if help doesn't come? How long do you think your "small" son will be able to keep a bigger kid down with out doing anything else to him? Not very long. It's ok to want your son to defend himself, but you as the parent need to realize that striking comes with the territory. He WILL come home with a black eye one day. As Mr. Miyagi once said, "it's ok to lose to opponent, it's not ok to lose to fear......". Have him learn how to defend himself, then turn him lose. Just my opinion though.
    Taebotoni or "Mom" don't listen to bulldog1 he's new here and speaks from a limited perspective. I assuming his comment about learning punches and kicks in jiu jitusu relates to japanese jiu jitusu. Japanese jiu jitusu can be decent but varies widely in quality and each school must be examined individually. At a Brazilian Jiu Jitusu school your son will not be taught how to strike only how to block and defend a strike and get to a dominant position. As far as good schools not teaching kids under 12, that's complete BS. Plenty of very good schools teach middle schoolers and younger. My BJJ school teaches kids arm locks, chokes ect. and has no problems. Bulldog1 states your small son will not be able to get someone down and hold them, wrong again a moderately experienced BJJ practitioner will have no problem holding a bigger inexperienced guy down. Then Bulldog1 ends his crapfest post with a Mr. Miagi Karate kid movie quote, sorry but the karate kid movie is not real. Anyone knowledgeable in martial arts realizes Mr. Miyagi's training methods in the movie are impractical but that's why it makes a decent movie.

    I seriously recommend you check out BJJ for your son. Most schools will enter competitions occasionally which will be good for your son, they will give him confidence even if he looses. Your son won't get bruised up at practice. Most likely he won't have to use much of his BJJ outside of class. All it takes is a little confidence and the bullies move on to someone less confident. You just want a school no matter what style, that actually trains alive or spars. In BJJ it's called rolling and in judo is randori. Alive training just involves practicing moves against someone who is also practicing moves and dosen't want to let you do your moves (follow me?). Many schools never train alive, they practice moves on compliant partners but never move on. The result is false confidence and a big problem for your son. No matter what you find post a link to the schools website here and get some feedback from the more experienced guys here (aka bullies..get it bullshido..our mascot is a bull..we don't advocate real life schoolyard asshole bullies)) Oh yeah, almost forgot wrestling is a good option as well for school aged kids.

    Here's a good looking BJJ school in Tacoma
    http://www.southsoundbjj.com
    Last edited by jspeedy; 9/09/2011 4:48pm at .

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by jspeedy View Post
    Good for you Mom for coming to the right place to ask bout martial arts for your son. I think the right martial art could really help your son. Of course, the wrong martial art could do a lot of damage. Some styles brood a cultish tough guy mentality that their style is too deadly for competition. They preach self defense and frown on competitive or sport based systems. A lot of these negative types are introverts or outcasts themselves who have been bullies and thrive on nerdy or weaker kids they can impose authority upon. It sounds like what you may be looking for is a Brazilian Jiu Jitusu school (aka BJJ). Judo is also good and tends to be more affordable. The learning curve for BJJ is a little quicker than judo. BJJ focuses on ground fighting where smaller guys like me often end up when pushed around. Within 6 months to a year your son should have the knowledge to escape most unfavorable positions, in additon he will learn some decent takedowns. Judo has groundfighting as well but has more emphasis on takedowns. BJJ teaches no strikes as far as I know.



    Taebotoni or "Mom" don't listen to bulldog1 he's new here and speaks from a limited perspective. I assuming his comment about learning punches and kicks in jiu jitusu relates to japanese jiu jitusu. Japanese jiu jitusu can be decent but varies widely in quality and each school must be examined individually. At a Brazilian Jiu Jitusu school your son will not be taught how to strike only how to block and defend a strike and get to a dominant position. As far as good schools not teaching kids under 12, that's complete BS. Plenty of very good schools teach middle schoolers and younger. My BJJ school teaches kids arm locks, chokes ect. and has no problems. Bulldog1 states your small son will not be able to get someone down and hold them, wrong again a moderately experienced BJJ practitioner will have no problem holding a bigger inexperienced guy down. Then Bulldog1 ends his crapfest post with a Mr. Miagi Karate kid movie quote, sorry but the karate kid movie is not real. Anyone knowledgeable in martial arts realizes Mr. Miyagi's training methods in the movie are impractical but that's why it makes a decent movie.

    I seriously recommend you check out BJJ for your son. Most schools will enter competitions occasionally which will be good for your son, they will give him confidence even if he looses. Your son won't get bruised up at practice. Most likely he won't have to use much of his BJJ outside of class. All it takes is a little confidence and the bullies move on to someone less confident. You just want a school no matter what style, that actually trains alive or spars. In BJJ it's called rolling and in judo is randori. Alive training just involves practicing moves against someone who is also practicing moves and dosen't want to let you do your moves (follow me?). Many schools never train alive, they practice moves on compliant partners but never move on. The result is false confidence and a big problem for your son. No matter what you find post a link to the schools website here and get some feedback from the more experienced guys here (aka bullies..get it bullshido..our mascot is a bull..we don't advocate real life schoolyard asshole bullies)) Oh yeah, almost forgot wrestling is a good option as well for school aged kids.

    Here's a good looking BJJ school in Tacoma
    http://www.southsoundbjj.com


    Jspeedy,

    Once again we see here that people who study BJJ think that they know everything above everyone else. Guess what, BJJ isn't the best "self defense" art out there, and I don't need to be a "veteran" on this forum to know that. My 30 year martial art career tells me that. And another thing, quoting Mr. Miyagi is not taking on his training methods, but if you understood the quote correctly, you would have known that but I'll explain it to you since you didn't understand it. All the quote meant was that it's ok to standup for yourself and lose a fight, but it's not ok to constantly run from fear and bullies, otherwise you'll be running your enitre life. Also, JJJ teaches you how to punch, kick, block and so on which will make ANYONE more well rounded, BJJ not so much. Besides, if BJJ was the "ultimate" in self defense, how come the Gracie's had to create Gracie Combatives, the self defense version of their BJJ?? How come just about everyother BJJ student suppliments their training with some form of striking art??? Because just like almost everyother art, it's incomplete. So why start with an incomplete art? Why not learn as much as you can when you start??

    And as for my "crapfest" post I have seen BJJ students try to hold some one down for a while on the street, guess what, they were picked up and slammed into the cement time and time again until their head split open. Not all BJJ students are great at the art, some may be just average and when you limit that average students choices to just wrestling around on the floor without teaching him how to punch and strike, they can be in real danger.

    On a very serious note, bullies often travel in packs because of their insecurity. My cousin and 3 of his friends were jumped at Penn Station in NYC by 6 other guys. My cousin is good at BJJ and had been studying the art for 3 years. While he was on top of the guy he was fighting getting ready to put a choke hold on him, the guy's friend came up behind my cousin with a razor blade and sliced his face open 3 times. My cousin almost bled to death. This guy then went to my cousins friend who was also winning his fight and cut his throat from behind almost killing him. That's what real bully's do. So it's better to learn as much as you can from an early age then to try to pick up the pieces later on in life.

  7. #7

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    i would HOPE my 12 year old would never be int he situation to be ganged up on by knife wielding apponants! I appreciate the answers, good and bad. After doing a little more research, i have decided to enroll both my children at Lendermans academy in Tacoma, WA. while at first i was struck by BJJ, I have decided a more rounded martial arts beginning for them both at a place that seems to put great importance on teaching children self control, respect, and instilling confidence is the best way to go. We have interceded at the school as far as the bullies and went a bit further with those students AT the bus stop to hopefully ensure a bit of breathing room for my 12 year old. I am unsure if Lendermans is the best but i have heard great things, read good comments from parent review sites, etc. Self confidence is something that bullies lack, which is why they choose to pick on smaller children...to make themselves feel bigger. Perhaps giving my child a way to grow in self confidence will also make him a harder target to bullies who are looking for easy prey.
    There will always be "this one time" or "once, my cousin..." stories. perhaps after a few classes, i will have a "i tried but it was not a good fit" story. I am hoping though, instead, i will have a "you would not believe the difference in my little men" story to share. Wish me luck ...
    And boys....you get along while i'm gone ok? Don't make me put you in a corner until you calm down (*grin*)

  8. #8
    BKR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taebotoni View Post
    i would HOPE my 12 year old would never be int he situation to be ganged up on by knife wielding apponants! I appreciate the answers, good and bad. After doing a little more research, i have decided to enroll both my children at Lendermans academy in Tacoma, WA. while at first i was struck by BJJ, I have decided a more rounded martial arts beginning for them both at a place that seems to put great importance on teaching children self control, respect, and instilling confidence is the best way to go. We have interceded at the school as far as the bullies and went a bit further with those students AT the bus stop to hopefully ensure a bit of breathing room for my 12 year old. I am unsure if Lendermans is the best but i have heard great things, read good comments from parent review sites, etc. Self confidence is something that bullies lack, which is why they choose to pick on smaller children...to make themselves feel bigger. Perhaps giving my child a way to grow in self confidence will also make him a harder target to bullies who are looking for easy prey.
    There will always be "this one time" or "once, my cousin..." stories. perhaps after a few classes, i will have a "i tried but it was not a good fit" story. I am hoping though, instead, i will have a "you would not believe the difference in my little men" story to share. Wish me luck ...
    And boys....you get along while i'm gone ok? Don't make me put you in a corner until you calm down (*grin*)
    I'm glad to hear you dealt with the issue at the school as well, I hope that the place you selected works out for your child.

    And good call on putting the boys in the corner.
    Falling for Judo since 1980

    "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

    "The best part of getting you worked up is your backpack full of irony and lies." -It Is Fake

    "Banning BKR is like kicking a Quokka. It's foolishness of the first order." - Raycetpfl

  9. #9
    jspeedy's Avatar
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    Cool Taebotoni looks like you found a good place. I wish they listed the instructor's martial arts credentials. At least the guy appears to be in good shape and seems to encourage cross training. Give us an update sometime and let us no how things work out.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by taebotoni View Post
    i would HOPE my 12 year old would never be int he situation to be ganged up on by knife wielding apponants! I appreciate the answers, good and bad. After doing a little more research, i have decided to enroll both my children at Lendermans academy in Tacoma, WA. while at first i was struck by BJJ, I have decided a more rounded martial arts beginning for them both at a place that seems to put great importance on teaching children self control, respect, and instilling confidence is the best way to go. We have interceded at the school as far as the bullies and went a bit further with those students AT the bus stop to hopefully ensure a bit of breathing room for my 12 year old. I am unsure if Lendermans is the best but i have heard great things, read good comments from parent review sites, etc. Self confidence is something that bullies lack, which is why they choose to pick on smaller children...to make themselves feel bigger. Perhaps giving my child a way to grow in self confidence will also make him a harder target to bullies who are looking for easy prey.
    There will always be "this one time" or "once, my cousin..." stories. perhaps after a few classes, i will have a "i tried but it was not a good fit" story. I am hoping though, instead, i will have a "you would not believe the difference in my little men" story to share. Wish me luck ...
    And boys....you get along while i'm gone ok? Don't make me put you in a corner until you calm down (*grin*)


    Good for you and I hope your son enjoys his classes. I'm also happy to hear that you have taken the situation into your own hands by dealing with the school and bus stop kids who are giving your kids a hard time. Now, I won't say another peep because I really don't like being put in the corner!!!!

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