I Have 2 Cocks

[Evergrey]

Oh man okay so I'm a pastor's daughter, and when I was a teenager the bishop came for a visit. My parents decided it would be great to have a lovely dinner party in the family room for him, since that was the only room that could fit our large dining table at the parsonage.

I had this cockatiel named "Nibbles." Nibbles was a total perv horndog. Not that I blame him, he had no other birds for companionship and pretty much nothing to do in the cage he lived in. Now that I know more about birds, I feel really guilty about this.

Anyway, since he had **** all to do all day, Nibbles had honed bird masturbation to an art. He had this mirror with a bell on it hanging next to his perch. He'd squat down on the perch, one leg spread out, the other foot clasping the bell... and he'd go to town on that perch, making "URPH URPH URPH URPH" noises while the bell went DING DING DING DING DING!!!!

Of course, having a bunch of people in the family room was really exciting for him, so I guess he decided "hey, I bet if I masturbated furiously, this would rock EVEN MORE!"

So all through that dinner with the bishop, we were treated to URPH URPH URPH and DING DING DING while everyone tried to pretend it wasn't happening.

The bishop never came back for another visit.

[Larus marinus]

Oh man okay so I'm a pastor's daughter, and when I was a teenager the bishop came for a visit. My parents decided it would be great to have a lovely dinner party in the family room for him, since that was the only room that could fit our large dining table at the parsonage.

I had this cockatiel named "Nibbles." Nibbles was a total perv horndog. Not that I blame him, he had no other birds for companionship and pretty much nothing to do in the cage he lived in. Now that I know more about birds, I feel really guilty about this.

Anyway, since he had **** all to do all day, Nibbles had honed bird masturbation to an art. He had this mirror with a bell on it hanging next to his perch. He'd squat down on the perch, one leg spread out, the other foot clasping the bell... and he'd go to town on that perch, making "URPH URPH URPH URPH" noises while the bell went DING DING DING DING DING!!!!

Of course, having a bunch of people in the family room was really exciting for him, so I guess he decided "hey, I bet if I masturbated furiously, this would rock EVEN MORE!"

So all through that dinner with the bishop, we were treated to URPH URPH URPH and DING DING DING while everyone tried to pretend it wasn't happening.

The bishop never came back for another visit.

lol

I just searched for 'cockatiel masturbating' on YouTube on account of you, yaknow? Whatever will MI5 think when they read through my internet logs?

Your story is not unfamiliar. One of my pet budgies would hook his tail under his swing or mount his toy ball and enthusiastically ransack his dignity at least ten times per day. I thought that it might be a good idea to buy a female bird - but what did the little guy do? You guessed it - he'd just carry on with the self-stimulation whilst staring at the lady budgie, whom he never really allowed to get close to him.

Sometimes one can remain isolated for too long.

[ermghoti]

Dolphins are worse.

I nominate "Raped by Dolphins" as an Eargrynd song.

[doofaloofa]

then ammount of sexual violence perpertrated by cute fluffy animals is shocking
My breeding buck rabbit will shag his own sons if given half a chance
The gander likes to drown his sexual conquest during sex where ever possible
and chicken gang rapes are quite common

The hens seem quite stoic about it. They just fluff up thier feathers,shake themselves and carry on scratching and pecking

[Ignorami]

This particular twist of the thread reminded me of "March of the Mallards"

[Lebell]

Oh man okay so I'm a pastor's daughter, and when I was a teenager the bishop came for a visit. My parents decided it would be great to have a lovely dinner party in the family room for him, since that was the only room that could fit our large dining table at the parsonage.

I had this cockatiel named "Nibbles." Nibbles was a total perv horndog. Not that I blame him, he had no other birds for companionship and pretty much nothing to do in the cage he lived in. Now that I know more about birds, I feel really guilty about this.

Anyway, since he had **** all to do all day, Nibbles had honed bird masturbation to an art. He had this mirror with a bell on it hanging next to his perch. He'd squat down on the perch, one leg spread out, the other foot clasping the bell... and he'd go to town on that perch, making "URPH URPH URPH URPH" noises while the bell went DING DING DING DING DING!!!!

Of course, having a bunch of people in the family room was really exciting for him, so I guess he decided "hey, I bet if I masturbated furiously, this would rock EVEN MORE!"

So all through that dinner with the bishop, we were treated to URPH URPH URPH and DING DING DING while everyone tried to pretend it wasn't happening.

The bishop never came back for another visit.

Or that bishop was dissapointed your parents didnt have any boys.
Ever thought of that? ;-)

Anyway i'm surprised nobody came up with that cock from Family guy, he put up some epic fights.

[Larus marinus]

then ammount of sexual violence perpertrated by cute fluffy animals is shocking
My breeding buck rabbit will shag his own sons if given half a chance
The gander likes to drown his sexual conquest during sex where ever possible
and chicken gang rapes are quite common

The hens seem quite stoic about it. They just fluff up thier feathers,shake themselves and carry on scratching and pecking

Aren't mallard drakes rather notorious for gang rape and necrophilia? Sure that I read that once.

<searches>

Oh, it was homosexual rape of a corpse.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/...ation.research

As he recounts in his seminal paper, The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard anas platyrhynchos, he was in his office in the Natuurmuseum Rotterdam, when he was alerted by a bang to the fact a bird had crashed into the glass facade of the building. "I went downstairs immediately to see if the window was damaged, and saw a drake mallard (anas platyrhynchos) lying motionless on its belly in the sand, two metres outside the facade. The unfortunate duck apparently had hit the building in full flight at a height of about three metres from the ground. Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head.

Ducks *look* so innocent, don't they?

Also:

His findings have provoked a lot of interest - especially in Britain for some reason - but no other recorded cases of duck necrophilia. However, Mr Moeliker was informed of an American case involving a squirrel and a dead partner, although in this case it is not known whether the necrophilia observed was homosexual or not as the victim had been run over by a truck shortly before the incident.

[doofaloofa]

The hens have got themselves a new blood sport
I dont know what they call it, but it involves catching frogs and then tearing them apart limb from limb whilst still alive.
I think the hen that ends up with the biggest bit is the winner, though it is hard to tell!
And mecifull they do not try and sex up the twitching remains

[yli]

I can't believe nobody's actually asked this in #58 posts. It's almost obligatory that someone asks this, despite it being painfully awkward.

"Are your cocks big?"

[Larus marinus]

I can't believe nobody's actually asked this in #58 posts. It's almost obligatory that someone asks this, despite it being painfully awkward.

"Are your cocks big?"

"How are your cocks around the chicks"?