1. #1
    Evergrey's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Sexual predators in your community.

    This applies to a lot of communities. ANY community, really. A gym or dojo. A motorcycle club. A fuckin' church. No, ESPECIALLY a fuckin' church. Also, any group that doesn't want to draw outside attention is especially vulnerable, like gay people in a homophobic area, people who are a part of a spirituality that their larger community is openly hostile against, people in the BDSM community, etc, etc.

    So, you've heard from a number of different people that someone is bad news. They've attacked people, sexually assaulted people, harmed people, threatened people, silenced them.


    They show up at something. They seem to be behaving themselves. Do you let them in?


    It depends. Would you rather "make the peace" and make the place safe for the predator to hunt, or would you rather protect the innocent and vulnerable members of our community who are their potential victims?


    Predators see themselves as being entitled to anyone they desire. They see their victims as lesser beings, and become enraged when their vics don't "know their place" and give themselves to them like they "should."


    So, they go on the attack. They will try to rip apart the vic's life to "punish" them, any way they can. Depending on how far down the rabbit hole they are, it might be petty small things, at least at first, but if someone like this goes unchecked? They will escalate. They have probably done things that you and the community are not even aware of, because they're good at silencing their victims, making them feel powerless, making them feel like their lives will fall apart if they tell anyone.


    As they get more bold, more crazy, more angry, they'll do worse things. It might or might not end with a body, but if he isn't stopped, and if they are allowed in, it will end with shattered lives.


    LISTEN.


    If you are hearing from MULTIPLE SOURCES that someone has done **** like this, don't give them a chance, don't let them in just because at that time they are "behaving!" Yeah, of course they are.


    The predators you really have to watch out for aren't gonna run in the room with their junk out shouting "I'M'MA RAPE EVERYBODY!" They pick their targets, they calculate, they make them insecure, they isolate them, they find a way to take them and find a way to silence them. They use social engineering and gaslighting, as well as blackmail. They wait until they are alone.


    It's really easy to blame the victim and say "the last person should have stopped them."


    Easy when it isn't your entire life, survival, and livelihood on the line. Easy when you aren't in the midst of freshly suffering the trauma. Easy to say they should just "get over it" when they're having flashbacks and have a hard time even holding on to when and where they are, and they're being cross-examined by police who might or might not have any sympathy, who might decide that you must be lying. Easy to say "well it's your fault then if the next person gets attacked."


    NO. No it's the perp's fault. And NO, all too often, it is the vic's life who gets ruined, not the perp's. Even with a conviction, it is far more than "indignity." It can completely shatter the victim who is already badly damaged and falling apart.


    It takes an entire COMMUNITY to stand up to a predator. To stop him. None of that "well they haven't done anything to ME PERSONALLY" ****. None of that "oh I just don't want to deal with the DRAMA" ****. Do you think someone's life being in danger is petty drama? Do you?


    Don't be a fucking bystander. Evil thrives when good people do NOTHING.

  2. #2
    My dog is cuter and smarter than yours. Join us... or die
    BKR's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Evergrey View Post
    This applies to a lot of communities. ANY community, really. A gym or dojo. A motorcycle club. A fuckin' church. No, ESPECIALLY a fuckin' church. Also, any group that doesn't want to draw outside attention is especially vulnerable, like gay people in a homophobic area, people who are a part of a spirituality that their larger community is openly hostile against, people in the BDSM community, etc, etc.

    So, you've heard from a number of different people that someone is bad news. They've attacked people, sexually assaulted people, harmed people, threatened people, silenced them.


    They show up at something. They seem to be behaving themselves. Do you let them in?


    It depends. Would you rather "make the peace" and make the place safe for the predator to hunt, or would you rather protect the innocent and vulnerable members of our community who are their potential victims?


    Predators see themselves as being entitled to anyone they desire. They see their victims as lesser beings, and become enraged when their vics don't "know their place" and give themselves to them like they "should."


    So, they go on the attack. They will try to rip apart the vic's life to "punish" them, any way they can. Depending on how far down the rabbit hole they are, it might be petty small things, at least at first, but if someone like this goes unchecked? They will escalate. They have probably done things that you and the community are not even aware of, because they're good at silencing their victims, making them feel powerless, making them feel like their lives will fall apart if they tell anyone.


    As they get more bold, more crazy, more angry, they'll do worse things. It might or might not end with a body, but if he isn't stopped, and if they are allowed in, it will end with shattered lives.


    LISTEN.


    If you are hearing from MULTIPLE SOURCES that someone has done **** like this, don't give them a chance, don't let them in just because at that time they are "behaving!" Yeah, of course they are.


    The predators you really have to watch out for aren't gonna run in the room with their junk out shouting "I'M'MA RAPE EVERYBODY!" They pick their targets, they calculate, they make them insecure, they isolate them, they find a way to take them and find a way to silence them. They use social engineering and gaslighting, as well as blackmail. They wait until they are alone.


    It's really easy to blame the victim and say "the last person should have stopped them."


    Easy when it isn't your entire life, survival, and livelihood on the line. Easy when you aren't in the midst of freshly suffering the trauma. Easy to say they should just "get over it" when they're having flashbacks and have a hard time even holding on to when and where they are, and they're being cross-examined by police who might or might not have any sympathy, who might decide that you must be lying. Easy to say "well it's your fault then if the next person gets attacked."


    NO. No it's the perp's fault. And NO, all too often, it is the vic's life who gets ruined, not the perp's. Even with a conviction, it is far more than "indignity." It can completely shatter the victim who is already badly damaged and falling apart.


    It takes an entire COMMUNITY to stand up to a predator. To stop him. None of that "well they haven't done anything to ME PERSONALLY" ****. None of that "oh I just don't want to deal with the DRAMA" ****. Do you think someone's life being in danger is petty drama? Do you?


    Don't be a fucking bystander. Evil thrives when good people do NOTHING.
    Are you writing about someone who is a registered offender (in case of sexual offenses)? Because if it's a registered offender, they are a convicted I'd have no problem advising people about his/her status. It's public information anyway.

    I concur with what you write about victims. I've seen it all too often in the aftermath of court cases, some of which go to trial, most of which get plea-bargained, but usually with some sort of guilty plea.

    Just sat through a rape trial, perp was convicted. Multiple prelims on rape, sentencing yesterday on a murder and L&L case.

    The degree of fucked-upedness that circulates in the human race is astounding.
    Falling for Judo since 1980

    "You are wrong. Why? Because you move like a pregnant yak and talk like a spazzing 'I train UFC' noob." -DCS

  3. #3
    Holy Moment's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The predators you really have to watch out for aren't gonna run in the room with their junk out shouting "I'M'MA RAPE EVERYBODY!"
    Dan Severn: You just lost a whole lot of credibility.

  4. #4
    Evergrey's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Holy Moment View Post
    Dan Severn: You just lost a whole lot of credibility.
    We can make an exception for your favorite slashfic character I guess, HM.

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