1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    643
    Style
    Stabbing the Face.
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    My Kung Fu is more powerful than your Kung Fu

    Hello, my name is Yixin and my Kung Fu is greater than your Kung Fu.

    Just kidding. I don't even practice Kung Fu.

    I practice Krav Maga, the world's deadliest martial art. Clearly, this makes me a much more badass, hardcore streetfighter than you with your sports oriented MMA horseshit. I also nutride BJJ hardcore, both figuratively and literally.

    I would completely **** your day up, but what I practice is too lethal and I wouldn't want to send any of you to the morgue.

    ~*~*~
    In all seriousness though, I ended up stumbling across these forums because my martial art(s) suck and I wanted to be around people who also think their martial art(s) suck. In the event some of you are sarcasm impaired, or in case I wasn't clear:

    1.) Yes, I practice Krav Maga. No, I am not a streetfighter, nor am I badass, nor am I good at fighting. And if someone pulled a knife on me, I'd probably get stabbed.

    I'm very thankful my Krav instructors are not hypemongers. In fact, they pretty much order you to cross train in something else, which leads me to...

    2.) I don't actually nutride BJJ, although (gay jokes aside), my face ends up uncomfortably close to the male groin region just about every class I go to.

    3.) It's cool to crosstrain. I didn't need to read Omega's sticky to know that. But I read Omega's sticky anyway. I also read MrMcFu's newbie FAQ, because I don't want to die.

    4.) I practice Parkour so I can run away from people trying to kick me in the head, or stab me over my wallet. I'm a ***** like that.

    5.) I have a background in WTF TKD, because I fail at life.

    6.) Despite religiously memorizing all 3 of Darren Levine's books, I'm still not terribly confident in my ability to execute an empty hand defense against an opponent wielding hand grenades.

    I'd provide instructions on how to use a crack pipe (because I'm absolutely fascinated by the use of illicit drugs), but I'm too lazy to post a link.

    Regards,
    Yli

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Southwest Mo
    Posts
    231
    Style
    cult of crapple, ATTACK
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You just might be our type of miscreant. Crackhead tab may be in your future.

  3. #3
    Permalost's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    14,351
    Style
    street paddleboarding
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by yli View Post
    But I read Omega's sticky anyway. I also read MrMcFu's newbie FAQ, because I don't want to die.
    This makes your kung fu better than a lot of new posters.

  4. #4
    Snake Plissken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    11,537
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    keep this one away from Lebell.

    welcome to the site!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, NC
    Posts
    289
    Style
    Kyokushin/Capoeira
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is one of the best noobie posts I've ever seen. And I even saw the one about masturbation!

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    1,587
    Style
    BJJ
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by yli View Post
    5.) I have a background in WTF TKD, because I fail at life.
    Best noob intro line ever. Welcome to the site!

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    643
    Style
    Stabbing the Face.
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Thanks for the welcome guys. I'll try to make my posts here unusually trollish.

    And who's Lebell?

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Charlotte, NC
    Posts
    289
    Style
    Kyokushin/Capoeira
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by yli View Post
    Thanks for the welcome guys. I'll try to make my posts here unusually trollish.

    And who's Lebell?
    He's a Dutchman. So he probably wears wooden shoes and can't be trusted.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Ottawa, Ontario
    Posts
    340
    Style
    Watching from the stands
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by yli View Post
    5.) I have a background in WTF TKD, because I fail at life.
    That's Grade A sig material right there.

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