Door-to-Door karate salesman. a touching story.

**bobyclumsyninja** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 12:36am

Originally Posted by Styygens

I'm really disappointed.

From the title, I was expecting something more like a Penthouse Letters type story that involved... you know, "touching."

Could someone less lazy than I am make up such a story about a door-to-door karate salesman? Here, I'll get you started:

"Dear Penthouse, I never thought this could happen to me, but one day while out selling karate lessons door-to-door..."

I'm on it

**JKDChick** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 3:34am

My brother once opened the door to the JW's and shrieked: "Do you mind! I'm robbing this place!" and slammed the door.

They called the cops. I sat in the living room unable to help him prove he lived there because i was choking to death laughing.

**syberia** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 6:06am

Originally Posted by JKDChick

My brother once opened the door to the JW's and shrieked: "Do you mind! I'm robbing this place!" and slammed the door.

They called the cops. I sat in the living room unable to help him prove he lived there because i was choking to death laughing.

Lol. Fucking Genius.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 7:34am

Originally Posted by Smoke

I'm just curious, with this response do you guys usually carry firearms with you when someone knocks on your door, or do you quickly return back with one?

Depends on who's at the door.

If it's a religious call, I actually invite them in, make tea, have a long civil conversation that goes in circles for a minimum of 4 hrs, and then they leave.

If someone were to say something like "are you afraid for your life", I would definitely take it as a threat. In all seriousness, I'd probably slam the door, and get the gun just to be on the safe side. That's why doors come with chains. Gotta let the right one in.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 7:38am

Originally Posted by Styygens

I'm really disappointed.

From the title, I was expecting something more like a Penthouse Letters type story that involved... you know, "touching."

Could someone less lazy than I am make up such a story about a door-to-door karate salesman? Here, I'll get you started:

"Dear Penthouse, I never thought this could happen to me, but one day while out selling karate lessons door-to-door..."

Here's your basic outline.

1. Selling karate door to door
2. Someone goes "naw, my BJJ keel your karate"
3. Challenge accepted in basement, low lighting, Barry White in background
4. Dear Penthouse...

**Permalost** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 10:50am

I've decided that if I see a karate salesman at my door, I'll sneak around the back so I can surprise him with a flying side kick and a thunderous kiai.

**bobyclumsyninja** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 11:40am

Honestly, if someone large came to my door and asked me if I'd ever been afraid for my life, I'd give them a wild-eyed down-up looking over, and probably get a bit frosty.I might point out to them, that were I in fear for my life, I'd have kicked their balls up into their bladder, and likely flung them off the porch by their earlobe, or a nostril, and that saying such things could make a temperamental person do bad things. Cavalier threats are a pet peeve of mine.

When people make like they're going to steal my(our) tips, while we're playing, I inevitably make something loud out of it. No one's ever stepped to the worked-up, red-faced, veins-up, shaking-mad version of me, out there.

The last guy who took some of our tips got chased, football tackled by an onlooker, and rolled up into a ball by moi. I let him go, when he didn't come up swinging, but he got himself arrested 2 days later, trying it with another player, in front of an undercover.

What you did Colin, was magical. I'd never, myself, as I'm perhaps not as cunning, or ballsy.

They may as well be going up to doors asking
"Hi, have you ever been raped at gunpoint?"

eediots.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 11:52am

Originally Posted by bobyclumsyninja

"Hi, have you ever been raped at gunpoint?"

This may be the single greatest sales pitch for womens defense class.
Are you copyrighting?

**Ignorami** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 1:56pm

It's a pretty good sales pitch for toilet paper too :-s

**tao.jonez** · Posted On: 4/14/2011 2:27pm

Wait, if someone comes to my door (in the US) and asks if I've ever been afraid for my life, can I legally kick their ass on my front lawn? Implicit threat and all that...