12/05/2010 2:23pm, #1
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
Stupidest Fight You've Ever Been In?
Now, we all encounter bullshido in our lives. It could be at McDojos, it could be at competitions, or it could be in actual fights. This thread is about bullshido in fights. What is the stupidest fight you've ever had? It could be stupid because of how your opponent fought, or it could be stupid because of how it was started. Bottom line is: This was a stupid fight. It could be at a competition, or in sparring, or even a street fight.
My stupidest fight was just recent for me, actually. Just a few weeks ago. You see I have... well I am hesitant to call him a friend, so we shall call him an acquaintance. A friend of a friend, in actuality. We shall call him Naruto, for he is a huge anime-tard. Naruto has a condition. The scientific name for this condition is, I believe "Super dickhead". Because, well, he's a huge dickhead.
Anyways, I've been learning HEMA for about four months. I've been working with rapier, dagger and longsword for fun, and unarmoured grappling, throws and take-downs for practicality. I may only be learning the weapons portion for fun, but I do take my study of it seriously, since European swordsmanship is a part of my culture and heritage. Anyways, Naruto has a very low opinion of European swordsmanship. He's an anime-tard, this is to be expected.
"Why are you learning that European ****? Teh [Author's Note: He really said teh, not the, teh] Japanese sword is way better and they're way more skilled" He said to me a few weeks ago.
"Really now?" I replied, quite doubtful of his claims "How would you know?"
"'Cause I'm taking ninjutsu and kendo! I could totally whup your ass with a sword"
"Care to prove it?" I ask. He accepts my challenge to spar, and we set a day and time at a park not far from my home.
The day arrives, and I go to the park with a few of my HEMA buddies. We don't really have any uniform for our club, so most of us, me included, wear a fencing mask with a padded hockey shirt and some leather gloves. This gives us some padding so we can go full contact, but we still feel the blows plenty. I also bring my waster, a wooden sword carved to look, feel and weigh about the same as a longsword of the period.
Naruto shows up in jeans, a t-shirt and carries a bokken. Now, I don't much about bokken, but if I had to guess, I would say that this was a replica of some anime character's bokken, rather than an actual sport bokken. I refuse to wail on him with my waster without him wearing any protection, not because I actually care about his safety, but because I don't want to get sued. Luckily, my HEMA club was going to have a sparring meet after my match with Naruto, so one of my buddies could lend him a fencing mask and a padded shirt.
Thus armed, we both took up spots a few yard away from each other. I held my sword in what the Italians called Posta Breve, a defensive guard, since I'm not entirely sure what Naruto is going to try. His guard is... well, it was unique. He held his bokken behind him, with the blade projecting straight outwards from his arm, while he held his other arm straight outwards towards me, hand open like he was doing an unelevated Nazi salute. His forward leg was straight, and his backward leg was bent at a 45 degree angle, like he was stretching out or something.
We circle each other for a bit, looking for opportunities, me moving smoothly and naturally, him shuffling in his ackward pose. Finally, he takes his bokken in both hands, screams "KIAAAAAAAAAA!" and swings it downwards towards my head. This was the most telegraphed slash I had ever seen in my life, so I easily parry it, batter his sword away, and then punish him with a quick beat on his helmet.
"What!? You can't do that!" he exclaims, ripping his fencing mask off.
"Why not?" I ask, honestly confused. He had attacked, I parried and countered. Where was the problem here?
"Cuz if this was real, my katana would've totally cut your sword in half!" he replies. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not, he honestly said this in all seriousness.
It took me about 20 minutes to explain to Naruto that it is exceedingly difficult to cut a steel blade with another steel blade, even if you had a katana. Finally, he accepts this and we face off for another pass.
This time I decide to go on the offense, and I rush forward, cutting for his shoulder. He clumsily, barely parries, so I push our swords into a bind and then close the distance. What I did was: I pushed the bind across his torso, so that my left arm was across his body at about throat level, and I stepped so that my leg was behind his legs. Using my leg as leverage, I pushed back suddenly with my arm, and took his stupid ass down.
"What the hell was that crap?" he said from the ground.
"What's the problem now?"
"That wasn't swordsmanship! That was wrestling!"
"So? I still took your ass down"
We lined back up for another pass. Again, I went on the offense. I feinted with a strike towards his shoulder, he parried, and again I bound our swords. This time, I released one hand from my sword hilt and stepped around the side, using my swordhand to keep his wrist controlled between the blade and the crossbar of my waster. I then pushed down hard on his shoulder, bringing him down and his forearm onto my knee. I didn't actually break his arm, but I could've.
"That's still wrestling!" he whined. He didn't quite understand that European swordsmanship included a lot of grappling.
"So? I still could've broken your arm"
We continued on for another half hour or so. I basically schooled him. Every time I did something that you wouldn't see in your average movie or anime, like half-swording (Oh, this jerkoff HATED half-swording, hahah), he'd complain about it. If he had actually been a kendoist, he probably would've been an actual challenge, since those guys have some serious skill. Instead, he was some ass who thought he could fight because he watched a lot of stupid anime. Finally, he calls us all gay and goes home.
Stupidest sparring match I've ever had, so far.
12/05/2010 2:41pm, #2
(I don't feel like going into details)
Stupidest "Fight" I've been in was having a conversation with a MMA "Fighter" who thought he knew what a real fight was. I told him I could beat him in a real fight without punching, kicking, submitting him or taking him down. He took me up on the offer and I told him to get ready and get into the cage. I came back with a live knife. End of fight.
12/05/2010 3:29pm, #3
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- 0.5 inches from the screen
The stupidest fight I have been in happened a month ago.
At school, we have this jerk with exess testosterone, and masks it up and drains it by calling everyone illiterate rednecks and traitors, but he's an itellectual.
However, he's also not much of... well, anything. Especially an athlete. I have yet to see him run, let alone pick up a basketball.
So on this particular day, he goes off on his usual routine. People start talking, use some word he does not condone, and presto! Instant BS.
Because I was among these people, and he especially likes to bash my language, I get sick of it after about 5 seconds.
I decide to turn the tables on the passive agressiveness, and tell him that I feel sorry for him, because he is restricted to being a hypocrite to gain attention.
He yells: "I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU TOO!"
I ask: "Why?" He looks confused, and walks away.
fastforward 5 mins - I'm throwing around a paper plane to my pals.
The plane lands near him, and he jumps, crushes it into a ball, puts it in his pocket. I realise that he's just trying to provoke me, since he has a face like he won an Academy Award.
I immediately take a second piece of paper, and start making another one.
Then, I see that he took the "ball' from his pocket and is aiming to hit me.
I move, and he...
After this, he sits down, and calls me a redneck, and I ask him: "What are you when you are taking other people's things, try to hit them, and MISS FROM 10 FEET?"
He stands up, and walks over to me, trying to push me in the process.
If he moved me an inch, he's making progress. After the pushing fails, he throws a punch to my face and...
This time, he missed from 10 inches, since we were clinching, and my friends separate us (actually, they separate me from him).
Anyhow, after 2 misses, the second being from 12 times less the distance, I decided that beating up a disabled dick wasn't worth my education and future.
However, we gave him a good verbal trashing in front of our teachers
when he reported that my two friends were causing disturbances on a class they weren't on in the first place.
Vengeance is sweet.
12/05/2010 3:47pm, #4
When I was young and had just discovered the wonders of booze.
12/05/2010 4:37pm, #5
- Join Date
- May 2009
I once talked **** to about seven guys at once. Figuring I'd just maim the **** outta the first couple and the rest would leave scared. Thankfully they were older and wiser and didn't kill me. They did beat some of the stupid out of my ass though.
12/05/2010 5:53pm, #6
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Stupidest fight I had ever been in was an attempted mugging by a piss drunk hobo. He asked me to give him my money, and when I refused, he tried grabbing my shoulders. I then used the Tai Chi Ward Off movement, knocked him to the ground, and got the **** out of the area.
This situation made me over confident in my Tai Chi abilities. A month later, I spontaneously decided to enter a Sumo tournament. I got my ass handed to me by a man who was twice my size, and had been training all year for that specific day. The details of that day can be recounted in this thread.
12/05/2010 6:48pm, #7
The stupidest fight I ever had happened a few days ago in the snow.
My housemate got the arse when I hit him in the face with a snowball and tried to take me down. I sprawled and shoved so much snow in his pants that he couldn't do anything except jump up and down on the spot and scream like a girl.
I then double legged my other housemate into the snow.. just for lulz."The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero projects his fear onto his opponent while the coward runs. 'Fear'. It's the same thing, but it's what you do with it that matters". - Cus D'Amato
12/05/2010 7:22pm, #8
Stupidest fight ever has to be, without a doubt, my first fight in full goalie gear as a Pee Wee hockey player.. (12 yrs old) .
A line brawl breaks out in a game we were winning quite handily..6-1 or something. If you know anything about hockey fights at that age, they are hilarious to watch, more often tha not its just two kids wailing away with gloved hands on each other's caged helmets. The odd time guys would remove their helmets and gloves, but most of the time, the refs got in way before that to prevent the kids from hurting one another or tripping over themselves and cracking their heads on the ice.
In this particular case, all 5 forwards on the ice were engaged in a skirmish of some kind, so the refs had their hands full trying to control 10 kids, plus the goalies.
Now, most times in this situation the goalies don't get involved and rarely skate the length of the ice to fight one another. BUT, since this kid's team was losing and he had been embarassed so bad, he decided he wanted a piece of me to redeem himself a bit. Fair enough.
I see him skating down the ice toward me and dropping his blocker and catcher on the way..I think to myself "Oh, ****..this guy REALLY wants to fight." and he was quite a bit bigger than me too. I drop my gloves, but leave my helmet on, as does he (the idea is to see who can tear the other guy's mask off first and have the advantage..) so we are sort of circling, circling, circling and I am content to circle because I am scared and have never fought with all my equipment on before. Then we grab one another and start wrestling trying to pry each other's masks off, my finger gets caught and twisted, we are too nervous to trash talk and we are just breathing heavy, trying not to be the one who gets embarassed, more wrestling..still can't get each other's masks off..then he finally pulls the snap guard and pulls mine off, I panic..still trying to get his helmet off..he punches me once, twice..then I just say screw it and try to push his mask up over his chin and up to his forehead so I can at least see his face..one strap snaps, he hits me a third time ..I can see him now!! So I punch him once, a desperate right hook..he puts his hand over my face and shoves my head back, his sweaty finger goes up my nose (that is the most vivid memory I have of the whole thing, the sweaty finger up my nose). Then, just like that..we get our pads tangled and fall down in a heap. We are rolling on the ice cussing, gasping for air..clinging to each other's jersey's. Refs and one coach come in and pull us apart...yes, the coaches actually had to come on the ice and help restore order because the refs couldn't handle 12 pee wee players having a line brawl. lol
You never forget your first hockey fight..I call it stupid because the whole thing must have looked so comical from the stands. Two kids wearing almost as much weight in equipment as actual weight trying to manage punching one another.
What a riot..but we had bragging rights back in town for a month afterwards. I even had a sprained finger and a cut on my lip to show for it..it was serious business back then.
Last edited by OZZ; 12/05/2010 7:31pm at ." If one wants to have a friend one must also want to wage war for him: and to wage war one must be capable of being an enemy." - Fr. Nietzsche 'On The Friend' Thus Spake Zarathustra
12/05/2010 9:15pm, #9
12/05/2010 9:19pm, #10