Thread: I got in a fight
11/08/2010 11:57am, #41" If one wants to have a friend one must also want to wage war for him: and to wage war one must be capable of being an enemy." - Fr. Nietzsche 'On The Friend' Thus Spake Zarathustra
11/08/2010 12:14pm, #42
There were too many grammatical mistakes for me to read this. I fixed your grammar in the below post, with red highlights of my changes.
Hello all. I am a bad assfucker (someone who fucks bad asses, i.e., asses that have stolen, asses that have raped, and yes, even asses that have killed) and I just feel that I should share dick crunchingly important news with the Bullshido world. For some background info, I have been training and competing in boxing for around two years, have dabbled in BJJ for a year or so, and have trained in Bujinkan for a few months prior to boxing. I also practiced Naked Karate when I was 5-13 years old. Now, onto the fight.
There is this very eccentric gentleman with unique hair that I know, and every time I encounter him, I glance at him in an odd way because his hair always different. I mean seriously guys, that hair is fucked. It's like, you take a chicken, then turn it around, then put a fire cracker in the egg hole (Note to self: Find out later if chicken's poop and have eggs out of the same hole) and let it explode while an egg is coming out so you get this like crazy blown up butthole feather head but also there's an omelette on account of the egg. I did not mean to piss him off in any way, but apparently he got a little more angry when I asked him to confirm a theory by answering if the butthole that is his head produced eggs and **** simultaneously.
One morning, I am passing by him on my way home from school. I see him and fart . He farts by. A few seconds later, I hear a yell and turn back to see what it was. Gassy emo kid decided that today, he wasn't going to tolerate my bullshit advances, and he fucks me on a DEAD HITTING RUN. When I looked back, I noticed his unique hair, black emo tattoos (what?), and, of course, HIS BALLS IN THE AIR SWINGING AT ME FROM A DEAD HITTING RUN.
I got hit, staggered back, and began sucking like I had been taught to do in BJJ. ("sucking" block, or simply performing felatio on my opponent (Fact: No man will hit you if you have his penis in your mouth), finishing said felatio, waiting for him to become hungry, fixing him a TURKEY (emphasis on turkey) sandwich for his hunger, then waiting for the tryptophan to kick in so I can escape). Plenty of people were walking on the sidewalks that day. As Mr. Emo is throwing crazy thrusts of furry fury at me, I did not peek through his thighs to see why someone hadn't broken us up yet. Apparently, people wanted to see lots and lots of gay sex. Like, seriously, a lot. Didn't you see the part about the blowjob?
I quickly spat his semen into his face. Since my spitting was straight and his penis was crazy wild, I hit him hard and fast three times before he hit me once. He staggered forward as if he was going to fall down and take a post coital nap , and thinking he was going down, I slapped his ass. I half-sprawled my legs back and looked around. People were circling up and not even throwing an effort to break the indescribably gay sex up, so I decided to have fun.
I first started to gently kiss his ribs because I didn't want to **** him too bad (knowing damn well that if the cops showed up and people were like "That guy fucking that other guy!" my explanation of self-defense would go to ****). Well, apparently he wanted to have a screw too, so he raised up his arm and tried to wrap up.
His arm couldn't quite go around my penis head, so he was content with trying to crotch gouge me. He cat-scratched under my anus, and this jacked me off. I released my anus (I couldn't put him to sleep because I didn't have his throat) and grabbed his junk. He flung his arms back to cock.I immediately began kissing the hell out of him. He stopped trying to cock me and began convulsing in ecstacy.
Once he stopped trying, I started laughing and kissing just hard enough to give him goose bumps and mess with his head. He soon realized I was playing around and decided to try and ejaculate on me . As his arms went from blocking to swiming under my hips, I dropped levels, wrapped up his legs, lifted him up, and fisted him in the butt. He immediately went limp, so I rolled off of him and stood up. THEN the police arrived, at that moment when the fight was done, and "broke us up". They also tested me for AIDS, and I'm positive that I have HIV! Get it? I'm "positive" that I have AIDS? That's pretty god damn funny.
This encounter to me was a showing of the effectiveness of Naked Karate and BJJ, even if you're blocking something so small as the fist. Sure, it is more difficult, but it can be done with efficiency. It is also a testament to how much anal sex hurts on concrete, and it works even when you have a hairybag on with a heavy ass. BTW, he is in TKD, but used absolutely no protection, so I don't think that matters very much.
Look kid, if you want to be popular on bullshido (which the question of why the hell you'd want to be is beyond me) you sure as hell won't get there by writing mediocre stories.
UNLESS YOU'RE ME LOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
11/08/2010 12:26pm, #43
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
I don't have any cool semi-believable fight stories. I've never even come close to having a real "street fight" since I tend to avoid conflict or places where it is likely to occur. Maybe I should start making some up and try to become a Dan Bowen internet follower. The closest i ever came was when I worked at krogers as a bagger when an obviously intoxicated man walked in and threatened to kick the ass of anyone who "mushed his bread" or didn't respect him since he owned half the city and was a billionair.
11/08/2010 8:36pm, #44
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
I really believe that you were provoking this guy all the time with your stares and facial expressions, and you REALLY REALLY wanted to fight with this guy.
Because you know you do REAL martial arts, and he is just an emo TKD guy, you CAN so you SHOULD beat him up.
And while fighting you were always looking around just to see if someone is watching you or not.Even while you were blocking you took your time and let him attack you just to SHOW other people that you've learned how to block in the gym before.
You got the guillotine, even that it was shitty, but you wanted to show other people that you are TRAINING UFC so just went on holding that stupid half assed choke.
You started to knee him and laugh huh?? WOW YOU ARE SO TOUGH AND COOL. Did you also exaggerate your laugh so everybody can understand that THIS IS PIECE OF CAKE FOR YOU AND YOU ARE TRAINING UFC!
What did police do to you afterward by the way?
And were you satisfied after the show? Were you like "wow everybody thinks i m super cool right now"
you re a fucking dick, that's what you are. (and no I m not that emo guy)
11/11/2010 10:11pm, #45
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
Well to me you are the ASS if is it a true story :5baby:
ok he attacked you first and from the back then you notised HE cant fight so instead of trying to calm him down and see what the prob is....no you put on a SHOW.....yea how old are you 13? how old was tho other guy? now you are going to say HE WASSSSSS 25 ahahah yea go play some ufc on the 360 some more.
Last edited by pau; 11/11/2010 10:23pm at . Reason: speling
11/11/2010 10:16pm, #46
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
ignore the others, i know its true. you did well. next time throw in a 'bite the curb' moment and you will cement your legacy.
11/11/2010 10:40pm, #47
I've been waiting for weeks for the next chapter of Holyland to be scanlated. Next time use spoiler tags, asshole!
11/11/2010 10:56pm, #48
11/11/2010 11:15pm, #49
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
11/12/2010 11:30am, #50
What an outlandish tale of faggotry.
EDIT: How did you know he did TKD? Do you follow him around, or do you make a habit out of pissing people whom you actually know?
Last edited by Kickapoo; 11/12/2010 11:36am at .