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  1. Conde Koma is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 4:15am

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     Style: Judo,MT,Boxing,BJJ

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Australia, 2004: Aussie Park Boyz

    Aussie Park Boyz
    Australia, 2004
    Genre: Action, Gangster
    103 minutes
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0473443/

    A pair of Australian roughnecks find themselves caught in an ever escalating series of gang fights along the country’s multi-ethnic battle lines.

    Contrary to the rave reviews printed on the DVD cover, Aussie Park Boyz is equal parts absurd, melodramatic, and altogether boring as a piece of film. The plot is hardly more than a strung together sequence of somewhat related incidents in the life of the writer/director/lead actor Nunzio La Bianca’s rough and tumble life on Oswald Park’s mean streets. The story tries to act like it has more meaning than it does, the images on screen often accompanied by La Bianca’s best Dark Knight impression, extolling something about either the dangers of being poor or some kind of commentary on the social structure of the Land Down Under. It would be difficult to imagine who would have financed the whole project, and after watching it from start to finish it quickly becomes apparent that no one did. The whole movie looks like it was shot on a handheld home video camera, and the barest hint of quality production is nowhere to be found. The photographer frequently resorts to using whatever light was available at the time of the shoot, muddying an already ruined stock of film. The score is bland and repetitive, switching back and forth between generic synthesizer beats and garage band level rock music.

    The producers lay claim that the film has won such awards as Best Actor and Best Action Film at the New York International Independent Film & Video Festival, which really begs the question of how unimpressive the other entrants had to have been. None of the actors on screen seem to know what they’re doing, and frequently look either bored or confused. They all equate quality acting with shouting, and are constantly trying to one-up each other in contests of mean-mugging and tough-posing. There are a couple of really tasteless scenes dealing with rape in the middle of the second act, and seeing a pair of pale Aussie buttocks once is more than enough for me. The movie sells itself as a no-nonsense look at the realities of life in the ghetto, but I truly wonder how accurate it is that everyone in the country seems to know karate. Perhaps a native can correct me, but I find it hard to believe that people anywhere in the world live their lives the way the characters do in this film.

    The fights range everywhere from fairly decent to completely stupid. It’s clear that not everyone in the cast has the same amount of martial arts experience in the choreography, which is a blend of what appear to be real functional techniques, slightly more flashy and impractical moves, and street fighting tactics. Regardless of the planning and execution of the fights, the most atrocious part of the movie was how poorly the action was filmed. Already a completely ugly looking piece of work from the start, the awkward and unappealing way the exciting parts were shot removes any chance at redemption. What I can’t get across is just how boring the whole thing was, from the acting to the action and back again. There was nothing engaging about the characters, nothing novel or interesting about the story, and nothing impressive or hard-hitting about the fights. Aussie Park Boyz is as useless as it is inept, and is only for the most self-loathing among us.




    This review has been brought to you by the Aquaman Foundation.
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  2. Kambei Shimada is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 7:39am


     Style: Sub-Grap/MMA

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Why anyone would choose to review this film is beyond me.

    Maybe im just a film snob.
  3. cam4276 is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 8:12am


     Style: MMA / BJJ / Judo

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    More bullshit from some wank writer who likes to make out he lives in a ghetto. The Australian welfare, education and health systems mean the only ghettos in Australia are in the heads of kids who watch too many gangster movies.

    I grew up with no money in a poor working class area and left school at 15 (like most of my friends) but instead of feeling sorry for myself and pretending to be African-American i worked hard and later in life put myself through university and made a good life for myself. Several of my friends have done the same. There are no opportunities that were available to me that are not available to all Australians.

    These types of movies annoy the crap out of me as they encourage this stupid behavior in young people. I would like to travel back in time and donkey punch the writers mother.
  4. PizDoff is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 9:41am

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    Picture association.

    YouTube - Insane Clown Posse - Miracles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kambei Shimada View Post
    Why anyone would choose to review this film is beyond me.

    Maybe im just a film snob.
    Scanning your thread history, I don't see any film reviews. Would some be forthcoming?
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  5. gregaquaman is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 11:40am


     Style: mma /boxing/muai thai

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    A couple of bits of trivia.

    1. last I heard they are in the process of making aussie park boys 2. Seriously.

    2. When I first rented this I rented sweeny tod out as well and the guy at Video easy warned me that sweeny tod was a musical and I may not enjoy it. I went off my nut at him when I returned the vids.

    I still claim this as the worst movie ever made ( And I have seen plan 9 from outer space)
    And it is in no way any sort of representation of what it is like growing up in the hard streets of anywhere.
  6. Conde Koma is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 12:02pm

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     Style: Judo,MT,Boxing,BJJ

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Go find my review of "Fatal Deviation" and "Never Surrender." "Enter the Eagles" was pretty atrocious too. For a non-martial arts terrible film, "S.I.C.K." just about takes the cake, and I'm talking about even after watching "Shark Attack 3." This movie may not have been the WORST movie I've ever seen, but it comes pretty damn close.

    It's fun to review terrible movies sometimes, and as you can see from sponsor, this one was a request. I'm open to anything vaguely fight-related, all I need is to find a copy of the film and I'll put up a review.
  7. Snake Plissken is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 12:39pm

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    I say Enter the Eagles is worse cuz it has a stronger cast and better director and should have been better
  8. Kambei Shimada is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/08/2010 5:11pm


     Style: Sub-Grap/MMA

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    Quote Originally Posted by PizDoff View Post
    Picture association.

    YouTube - Insane Clown Posse - Miracles



    Scanning your thread history, I don't see any film reviews. Would some be forthcoming?
    Sure, I work in film vfx so i'm fully entitled to my snobbery.

    Ohh yeah and introducing the BAYIFIER.

    http://bayifier.com/
    Last edited by Kambei Shimada; 10/08/2010 5:32pm at .
  9. danno is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/09/2010 5:00am

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    Quote Originally Posted by cam4276 View Post
    More bullshit from some wank writer who likes to make out he lives in a ghetto. The Australian welfare, education and health systems mean the only ghettos in Australia are in the heads of kids who watch too many gangster movies.

    I grew up with no money in a poor working class area and left school at 15 (like most of my friends) but instead of feeling sorry for myself and pretending to be African-American i worked hard and later in life put myself through university and made a good life for myself. Several of my friends have done the same. There are no opportunities that were available to me that are not available to all Australians.

    These types of movies annoy the crap out of me as they encourage this stupid behavior in young people. I would like to travel back in time and donkey punch the writers mother.
    some rural areas are pretty bad. if you're living in an aboriginal shanty town, born to unemployed alcoholic parents, there generally aren't many opportunities to improve your situation.

    i mean, i've seen it done. but it's not easy.

    otherwise i completely agree with you.
  10. cam4276 is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/09/2010 6:29am


     Style: MMA / BJJ / Judo

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    Quote Originally Posted by danno View Post
    some rural areas are pretty bad. if you're living in an aboriginal shanty town, born to unemployed alcoholic parents, there generally aren't many opportunities to improve your situation.
    This is true but you never hear about those guys. I guess they are either tired of complaining or nobody gives a **** because they are so far away that it doesn't effect the people in the cities.
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