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  1. Loyd Ervin is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 8:43am

    Business Class Supporting Member
     7th Planet Jiujtisu 

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Learn to Defend the 7th Planet!

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    Are you ready for the ultimate in Self Defense training?

    I'm Loyd Ervin, traveler from the future and commander of the Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force. We have paid Bullshido many tons of what you people in the year 2013 refer to as "gold", to present you with this amazing offer of my experience.

    As a traveler from the year 3184 and the commander of R-Force, I have had many adventures and am a veteran of many legendary wars. But nothing was more intense than my than the battle for the 7th Planet of our solar system.

    The Greatest War Story Ever Told

    It is a long and harrowing story, and you can only handle it if you're one of the 3% who are winners, not the 97% of the population who are losers! Decide which group you want to join now, recruit!

    The war was set to last 10-15 years, but with good behavior it was reduced to 7. On arriving to that sector of space, the enemy, a race of vicious tripod creatures known as the C'llmaytes, loudly and persistently threatened to invade the 7th planet. But I put up a fight, resorting to tactics never before seen in the history of space warfare.

    I will teach these secret tactics to you!

    Now I can't say that I escaped from the battle with the C'llmaytes unscathed, but what I can say is that my techniques for defending against their onslaught will ensure that you, in the year 2013, will never suffer as I did.

    My tragedy becomes your success!

    After the 7-year battle I was told I would never walk again, at least, not as a normal human should walk. But you on planet Earth in this timeline, do not have to face such an extreme threat. My system is guaranteed to keep you safe against any attacks by other humans, especially the most dreaded and heinous assaults a man could ever encounter.

    You may never have to face the spitting venom technique of a three-legged C'llmayte, but if you follow my training, no threat on two legs will ever be a danger to you.
    Would you like to know more?

    Click here and I will show you how to defend the 7th Planet!



    Instructors! Are you looking for a guaranteed way to keep students engaged and loyal to your school? Do you want to add something new to your school that's going to ensure your classes are filled day in and day out?

    Well then you need to join as an Affiliate Commander of the R-Force! As an R-Force Affiliate Commander, you will learn how to recruit and enlist soldiers into the Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition army.

    Learn the one secret to student loyalty!

    Our exclusive program involves intense one-on-one sessions where we "audit" each student's progress, and cutting edge supplements that you can sell in your pro-shop to raise extra funds. Your students will love the supplements... at least the male ones will!

    Be among the first schools in this timeline to offer our exclusive program and watch the profits roll in!



    Disclaimer

    *"Loyd Ervin" surprisingly enough really is from the future, and even more surprisingly knows a lot about self defense. However, he is not from the year 3184. As you can tell, he is suffering from post-traumatic stress from barely missing a prison sentence due to "performance anxiety". This has caused him to cope with his experiences by inventing a space ranger persona in order to both battle his own inner demons, and sell his self defense system to pay off extensive debts from bad investments. How he got a hold of a time machine is anyone's guess, and someone should probably look into that. But in the meantime, he did pay us a lot of money and even gave Phrost a yacht, which he has since renamed the SS Parody in honor of this April Fool's prank which has absolutely nothing to do with any other individual that may have a similar-sounding name.
    Loyd Ervin - Commander, Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force
    Veni Sol!
  2. submessenger is offline
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    Transmaniacon MC

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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 8:50am

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Loyd, I've never been able to "engage," female c'llmates. Is that something your program can help with?
  3. Loyd Ervin is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 8:53am

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     7th Planet Jiujtisu 

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by submessenger View Post
    Loyd, I've never been able to "engage," female c'llmates. Is that something your program can help with?
    Well Son, that's probably because you're unaware of the one big secret about C'llmytes!

    There are no females!

    The entire race of tripod-people is male, and their reproductive habits are even more terrifying than their combat prowess!
    Loyd Ervin - Commander, Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force
    Veni Sol!
  4. Devil is offline
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    His heart was visible, and the dismal sack that maketh excrement of what is eaten.

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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 9:00am

    supporting member
     

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Loyd, I have heard that no really means yes. Will your DVD help me educate my neighbor's 19 year old daughter about this?
  5. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Bahstun
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 9:05am

    supporting member
     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Learn the one secret to student loyalty!
    Electro Shock Genital cuffs?
  6. Loyd Ervin is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 9:31am

    Business Class Supporting Member
     7th Planet Jiujtisu 

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by bobyclumsyninja View Post
    Electro Shock Genital cuffs?
    Any and all questions like this can be answered in my AMA:

    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=120358
    Loyd Ervin - Commander, Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force
    Veni Sol!
  7. Stickybomb is offline

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    Slovenia
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 9:37am


     Style: judo, boxing -noob

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I had a really tough time deciding to train ninjitsu or wing - chun. I was probably go for ninjitsu, because of cooler outfits and belts but I think this is far more awesome.

    I shall immediately pay whatever you want me to pay, so that I may change my facebook status into 'the defender of the 7th planet'. I also solemenly swear that I shall not use any of these secret techniques in the street fight, since they are far too secret and deadly for any human.

    Do I get a grandmaster's belt for extra $10? What colour is the grandmaster's belt? Does it come with a diploma, so I can show it to all insolent unbelievers and convince them that this is super cereal?
  8. Loyd Ervin is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 9:45am

    Business Class Supporting Member
     7th Planet Jiujtisu 

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Stickybomb View Post
    I had a really tough time deciding to train ninjitsu or wing - chun. I was probably go for ninjitsu, because of cooler outfits and belts but I think this is far more awesome.

    I shall immediately pay whatever you want me to pay, so that I may change my facebook status into 'the defender of the 7th planet'. I also solemenly swear that I shall not use any of these secret techniques in the street fight, since they are far too secret and deadly for any human.

    Do I get a grandmaster's belt for extra $10? What colour is the grandmaster's belt? Does it come with a diploma, so I can show it to all insolent unbelievers and convince them that this is super cereal?
    The Grandmaster's belt is only awarded for gallantry in the face of danger. The last one was given to Tech Specialist M. Maldonado for his valor in chasing the Me'dals out of the galaxy.

    It's a shimmering green belt.

    But welcome Son, into the R-Force. We will get you trained in no-time and you will never have to worry about defending the 7th planet like I did!

    Just send 2500 in your "dollars" to me in Bitcoins, which have become the standard galactic currency in my time.
    Loyd Ervin - Commander, Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force
    Veni Sol!
  9. Loyd Ervin is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 12:59pm

    Business Class Supporting Member
     7th Planet Jiujtisu 

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Devil View Post
    Loyd, I have heard that no really means yes. Will your DVD help me educate my neighbor's 19 year old daughter about this?
    You won't want to show the DVD to anyone who isn't authorized to see it. But rest assured, with my patent-pending line of space age supplements, the ladies won't have any issues with you for 8-24 hours.
    Loyd Ervin - Commander, Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force
    Veni Sol!
  10. DKJr is online now
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    Fasten your seat belts, and prepare for lift off

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    Dallas
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    Posted On:
    4/01/2013 1:30pm

    supporting member
     Style: Combat Cuddling

    3
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Master Perve'n one of my students DG Jackson is a top lightweight black belt, but he caught a sexual assault charge and has a warrant out for his arrest in Iowa. How can I cover this up and still use him to make me a lot of money?

    Also how many times should I make him wash my car a week?
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