Peace bro, thanks for speaking out. :(
Originally Posted by battlefields
My ex girlfriend once bit my neck while we were making out. Does that count?
Ouch, sorry if I misunderstood. Either way, that **** should never fly.
Originally Posted by War Wheel
The moment she picks up a knife, you are no longer in a safe environment (for the duration of the relationship.)
@ battlefields, dude, that's harsh. Did she ever get psych treatment? Hope you got away relatively pain-free (in as much as that is possible.)
All this stuff kinda makes me realize how lucky some of us are, where the worst we have to deal with from our significant others is being forced to go shopping for hours, and running to the drug store for midol.
Still, it's the bat-**** crazy ones who do the craziest/naughtiest/illegalest things to you while you're chained to heavy objects with a ball gag in your mouth.
Yes, this is bringing back memories of both my spouses. Not good ones either.
No way I would EVER get into a relationship again.
Mr. Tripp, you need to coach the Ultimate Surrender girls in Judo. I think it will make everyone happy.
Mark, I understand how you feel, and I have been there myself. It took me 3 years of soul searching before I was willing to toss my hat into the ring again, and a full year before I could even watch people kissing on television without feeling like someone just walked over my grave. It can get better, but only if you prove to yourself that not all women are dangerous like that. To do that you have to be willing to trust people again.
Originally Posted by Mtripp
Do not forget that human beings come in many variations, and that not everyone in the world is an abuser. My advice, if you experience even the first hint of violence (slapping, pushing, etc.) make it absolutely clear that you WILL defend yourself, and that she WILL NOT like it. This is the single really useful self defense application for pressure points and wrist locks, as you CAN NOT leave any bruises on her, but you sure can show her what pain feels like. It hurts, right? Welcome to the real world Princess.
Remember, your dad told you not to STRIKE them. No one ever said you couldn't give her an anatomy lesson on the weak points of the human body.
If it happens again, do what you have to do to keep yourself safe, and LEAVE. Do not get into situations you can not easily get out of; do not leave yourself without resources to leave the home. Do not worry about your possessions. The situation is exactly like a house fire. There is nothing in the home worth risking your safety (or your sanity) over.
This is very important if you are male because there are no shelters or support infrastructure to help you, and there is not likely to ever be. And be honest, you probably couldn't bring yourself to use it if it did. You have to be prepared to take responsibility for your own well being.
I honestly am starting to believe (as I said earlier) that a woman who feels inadequate or powerless may be more llikely to abuse an accomplished martial artist than a spineless wimp. If she sees you as powerful, her ability to abuse you makes her powerful in her own mind. I suspect such a woman could become addicted to such a feeling.
One last comment on the whole cage of morality that is enabling all this tragedy: You have a moral duty not to harm people weaker than you. EXCEPT IN SELF DEFENSE. The prohibition on hitting women is part of the social contract, and anyone who abuses another person is breaking it. All bets are off. A real woman would not do this to you; you are dealing with a sociopath and a Neanderthal. "She" is not a "woman" covered by your moral code; "She" is a female of another species. Protect yourself just as you would from a mad dog. If the SPCA throws you in jail for doing so, at least you have your life, your health and your dignity.
If you want to find the diamonds mixed in with the garbage, present yourself as having a realistic attitude about your own safety, and the abusers will move on to easier prey.
@All female members of this site: You are a trained person. Protect.
Thank you... but its never going to happen.
I will die, and am willing to die, alone and empty before I would EVER open up again.
That is never going to change.
Sounds like Failure To Adapt. Get back on the mat, soldier. If things go wrong, you can always bite her on the nose ;)
Originally Posted by Mtripp
There is nothing wrong with taking breaks. There is nothing wrong with fucking pros to keep your head on straight if you choose/want/need to. But you can not give up on life. G-d did not give you a heart so you could waste it.
If you get in trouble, tap, but eventually you need to get back on the mat.
continuing from the above... for what it's worth this is how I have tried to work around these feelings: I accept that while the responsibility for being violent rests with my ex wife, the thing generating the fear was my seeming lack of ability to spot a psycho. This is what other people are for; this is what your friends are for. Your friends (hopefully) are not stuck on your new girl. Introduce her, and they'll tell you if this one pings their PsychoDar. It is very difficult to see clearly when you are stuck on someone, even if they are damaged. I am stuck on such a person right now, but I have FINALLY got my PsychoDar up and running, and I will not go there. Even I learn, if slowly.
Mark, it's none of my business, but I have been down the same road you are on right now and there is nothing to be found there except anger and self-loathing (and video games). At the end of the day I started to realize that I was just perpetuating her abuse by tormenting myself, and that violates Axiom #1: Do Not Let The Bitch Win. EVER.
Hope you have a better day, Mark.
don't get me wrong but you guys are too sensitive.
emotionally i mean.
if a gf pulls that **** with me she has another thing coming, not because im a superawesome badass, but trough my childhood which was somewhat troubelng ive learned to switch off any affection of any kind instantly.
a gf can slap to vent anger, tats allright with me, but when it becomes a pattern and its not out of anger it will have to end.
i've had two ocasions of weird exes, allow me to tell two amusing stories.
no1 was a stereotypical black chick like you would see in comedy movies with martin summin summin playing that fat black chick.
she'd be superjealous, and suddenly have outbursts etc.
now i learned from that relationshp that jealous people are actually more prone to cheating themselves, thats why they have so little trust in others.
things went sauer, i broke it off, she went weird,suddenly had a bf, i phoned her to ask some of my books back which were at her place, this guy picks up the phone:'uhm, yeah she is under the shower now..'
it was ON!
so we met up, talked a little and she wasnt very clever so soon enough i found out she'd already messing with him while with me.
she'd go on a holiday with him to greece etc etc
so the week before greece she came to my place dropping off stuff or picking up, cant remember.
i planned that.
i sat her down and did the ' so this is it then' story, it was worthy of an oscar, i concluded:i just want YOU to be happy...
she said:you really love me huh?
so she went home, and she went on holiday.
i texted her something sweet on the day she'd leave.
my planworked like a charm:she called me from greece and said: look...can we work it out if i break it off with this guy?
i said yes and she dumped him in the middle of fucking greece, tooka flight to lolland and went to my place:
we had the most dirty nasty unnatural sex session you've ever seen on youporn.com, i mean semen everywhere, bedsheets soaked with all kinds of fluids and what not.
then when i had put all my clothes on i smiled and said: get the **** out of my house.
i say when its over, not you, you dirty cheater, now get dressed and **** off.
i wonder if she's lesbian today.