Guy Who Does Curls in the Squat Rack: Douchebag of the Month - May 2009
In this article there will not be any long-winded introduction, no witty insights or attempts at topical humor. There will only be glorious, righteous rage.
The kind of rage fueling the right hook of Buzz Aldrin after being told by a nutjob that he's lying about landing on the moon. The kind of righteous anger in the heart of Eddie Bravo on finding out they managed to permanently remove all THC from hemp plants.
The kind burning in the eyes of a temple guard chasing down a Philistine who took a **** in the Ark of the Covenant.
That kind of rage.
Ok, maybe not that last one, that's a bit much in comparison to:
THAT GUY AT THE GYM WHO DOES CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK
Let's talk about THAT GUY for a minute. He's the stuff of Douchebag Legend, occupying a rack designed for doing one or more high-weight olympic lifts, with his creampuff little plates on the end of a bar... because he's too goddamn lazy to bend over and pick up the damn bar.
Oh, you're one of the fortunate few who hasn't run into this ubiquitous asshole? Well I managed to capture pics of this creature in the wild, yesterday:
If you look closely you'll notice the reflection of your intrepid author in the reflection, standing in the middle of the weight floor taking the picture of "THAT GUY". For the record, he was curling 75lbs. The 24 Hour Fatness I currently go to has both Ez-Curl, and straight-curl bars, all the way up to 100lbs.
You'll also notice the 2
75 in the power cage next to him, which is what your diligent journalist was there to squat for reps, in the squat rack, as Odin and Krishna intended. That's why instead of two noodly little bars like they have in the power cage, the squat rack has thick, reinforced bars that don't occupy your thoughts with useless concerns about the possible consequences of catastrophic structural failure if that last rep just doesn't go well. 275 may not be a remotely epic weight for squatting, but it's enough to compel you to seek out a set of crash bars that are thicker than your finger.
And regardless, the main reason why curling in the squat rack levels you up to Champion Hero Douche is because there is no curling exercise that can be done by a healthy human being that requires such weight as you cannot lift it off of the ground yourself to begin the exercise, necessitating the use of a rack.
Nope, none. Zero. Zip-ity fucking doo-da, go grab a Gin and Colonic and die of alcohol poisoning you developmentally stunted fratboy ****.
Now we here at Bullshido aren't the types to just complain about a problem; we provide solutions. So here's my solution to the problem of THAT GUY WHO DOES CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK:
It looks just like a squat rack, you don't have to do all that horrible, deadlift-like movement of bending over and picking up the bar, and the best feature is that it won't cost your gym much of anything at all since it's made out of the same stuff as a Little Tyke's playhouse because it only needs to support the weight of a chubby toddler and his Big Kids Meal.
That means your gym only has to shell out about $50 or so, for you to have your own little squat rack-looking device for you and the other cupcakes who are afraid of a little extra exertion at the motherfucking gym.