Perfect Onion Article: "Karate Lessons Give Child Self-Confidence To Quit Karate"
: Today's frontpage article.
ENGLEWOOD, CO—After months of being taught to develop courage, inner strength, and other values of the martial arts, Daniel Finkelstein finally achieved the self-confidence necessary to stand up to his parents and quit taking karate lessons, the area sixth-grader reported Monday.
"I never thought I had it in me," said Finkelstein, who claimed he was prepared to use physical aggression only as a last resort to drop out of the martial arts class. "It was just like Sensei Steve used to say: 'Only by believing in yourself can you overcome the obstacles that lie ahead.'"
Added Finkelstein: "Thank God I don't have to listen to that crap anymore."