Just between us girls....
As much as we ("we" being, of course, God's chosen people, the BJJites) like to give our little lectures to the new guys about practicing their elbow escapes, and training regularly, and the importance of drilling and all that ****, I think it's about time we came clean and were honest with ourselves. It's okay, Aeso's pretty much sent the kids to bed so now us grownups can speak freely without fear of corrupting their pure, innocent, reverse omoplata-less minds. And I know I, for one, have something to say.
Mount escapes are for pussies.
Yeah, in class I play it nice like a good little boy and work my upas and my elbow escapes. But deeply, secretly, niggling at the back of my head is the feeling that I'm being dishonest. I'm lying to myself and to my partners and, worst of all, to the Internet. And so begins the cycle of guilt that succeeds every mount session.
In competition it's different. I've been mounted in every tournament I've been to, and in each case the mount never lasted for more than a couple seconds. It's not because I have outstanding explosiveness, or because I never let my opponent settle into position. It's because I know a perfect, foolproof mount escape that, so far, has both a 100% success rate and gets hilarious looks from your partner.
I don't have pictures, so you'll have to bear with me:
STEP 1: My opponent is mounted on me.
STEP 2: I slide my foot behind his belt and kick him off.
STEP 3: Miller time.
So far this move has never failed me, and the look on their face as you launch them off you is priceless. Most people have never seen it, so they have no idea why you're sitting up into them and grabbing their belt. Doesn't he know he should keep his head to the mat?? Does he WANT me to Ezikiel choke him?? After this match you and I are going to have a very stern talk about your basics, young man! >:-()
There are downsides, I suppose. You almost invariably wind up in some bizarro standing half-guard instead of the relative stability of full guard. The odds of you twisting your knee feel abnormally high, although I can't back this up with any biomechanical evidence. It doesn't work late in a match, when their belt is falling off, or if your opponent is not wearing a gi. However, keep in mind that all of the above only apply if you're a total *****.
It's important this technique never leave this thread. Even though I have just singlehandedly rendered the bridge and the knee-elbow escape permanently obsolete, we need to keep the dream alive. If not for me, for all the little white belts out there that believe staying after class and drilling elbow escapes with a heavier, technically superior partner will somehow make them a better grappler.