Quantum Polarized Sports Pendant!
Fizogen has a fantastic new product they'd like to tell you about.
So what is 'the strap"? How does it add +1 to all stats and saves? Well it's not a magnet, oh no, not something you'd hang finger pained pictures on your fridge with at all. it's a "Quantum Polarized Sports Pendant". That's a lot better than magnet isn't it since everyone knows magnets are bullshit voodoo.
Get ready to experience the IMPOSSIBLE!
Enormous increase in maximum power and reps during your workouts, within SECONDS of wearing this amazing product plus dramatically enhance your energy, mental focus and endurance levels.
THE STRAP is simply the most powerful performance enhancement innovation in the history of mankind! The extreme and INSTANTANEOUS effect on endurance, strength and mental focus is unlike anything ever to hit the market before! Fizogen has once again kicked down the door of possibilities and introduces the most powerful Unfair Advantage in the history of sports and bodybuilding.
So how does this magic pendant work? Steroids? nano-bots? Some new scientific breakthrough?
Well, what would you say if I told you it can focus your chi?
THE STRAP utilizes specialized quantum physics, geometry and vibration harnessing technologies to help synergize the power of the human body's bio-energy system and allows it to run with optimum performance. Known as chi, or life force, energy flowing through meridian points in some cultures, THE STRAP technology actually helps to repel interference frequencies that block the free flow of this energy throughout the body. Similar to upping the watts in a light bulb...THE STRAP may help to instantly and dramatically increase the connectivity, flow and communication of your energy system! Simply place THE STRAP on your wrist or wear it as a necklace, when exercising or competing, and experience a charge of mental focus, strength and endurance of mind-blowing proportions! You simply can't believe how powerful it is! Words almost can't describe as you will shock and amaze yourself and everyone you know the very first time you train or wear it in the gym!
Perform more reps...acquire more endurance...feel more mental focus...harness more power! Simply destroy your competition and annihilate your previous limitations within seconds of wearing it! Race to your local supplement store right now and TAKE THE STRAP TESTS to instantly feel the effects! You will be amazed! Be sure to ask for THE STRAP by name! It's time to try something new that works...It's time to GET STRAPPED!
Sounds great huh? And the bargain price is ONLY $129! But how did I come to find out about this? The weasel words of the Natural. I saw Randy's mug in an ad in the back of a Stuff mag with this text. That's right - Captain America, Randy Couture added his brand of testimonial.
I don't know if he got paid for that double-speak or not. I don't think I would have paid him. That endorsement is so filled with qualifiers it comes across as ridiculous.
"To train at the high intensity level required to become a 4 time UFC Champion, I must always incorporate new strategies and research into my training regimen. Learning about new and innovative technologies, training techniques and dieting methods has enabled me to remain at the top level of my sport at 42 years of age. Performance enhancement through bio-energy technologies, including acupressure, has always played a big part of my competitive career to help fix and prime my body.
THE STRAP is an innovation that taps this bio-energy technology with strength and balance effects that can be instantly felt! The performance enhancement effects are so extreme, it just doesn't seem to be real. THE STRAP is definitely something I would highly recommend to anyone. I'm sure the guys back in training camp will be fighting to get their hands on one once I test them!"
There's more - like the raw data from their massive 5 person study, other just-as-vague testimonials, a bitchin commercial, proper instructions to take your own strap test, and of course "pendant stacks" - massive quantities of supplements that will enhance your Quantum Polarized Sports Pendant. Enjoy!
And remember kids
Use in conjunction with a well balanced diet and intense bodybuilding exercise program. Individual results may vary. Consult with a physician prior to use. Not for use by individuals under the age of 18. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.