You sir are a god of parody. This was hilarious the whole way through. Everything from the word choice to the stance in the photos was pure Phil Elmore style masturbatory paranoia speak. I think you really need to let this one build up into a regular discussion topic and/or regularly accepted truth before exposing just how tragically stupid good 'ol Phil is.
Once again, brilliantly done kickcatcher, you get a gold star AND a smiley face.