Purple Belt Blues Sucking all the Fun out of Grappling
I thought at first I'd post this in the advanced grappling forum but then I thought maybe it wasn't terribly relevant there. Plus, since this post is basically about how I suck (or perceive myself to suck), YMAS is likely more appropriate.
First off a little background: I'm a purple belt whose been training just over 5 years. I'm a 5'4'', 145 lbs female who trains anywhere from 4-6 times a week at the club, along with a couple of strength and conditioning workouts during the week to supplement.
Here's my stinkin' deal: I am not having fun grappling anymore.
I feel that my skills have been stagnant for about a year or more now (basically since I got my purple). I feel I am not growing as a grappler, making the same mistakes over and over and over again.
I base these conclusions on the results during open mat and free rolling. I rarely submit the guys at my gym. I still rarely sweep with any effectiveness. I basically play bottom-game defense. all. the fucking. time.
More importantly, in the last two months or so, I've been completely smashed by a few blue belts at my new bjj club. My technique is too shitty to effectively counter both their technique and more importantly, their strength. This isn't to say, purples, browns or blacks don't **** me up, it's just a different kind of fucking up and I don't get nearly as butt-hurt over it.
To try to address this issue, I have been setting up specific training sessions to just drill and I have also started a lifting program supposedly meant for grapplers (http://bjjtoday.net/bigger-stronger-technical/) to increase my strength (it seems to be working a little..I guess)
All of this is highly disturbing to me and makes me fucking depressed. I keep getting stripes based on I guess, my time/attendance, but I don't even want to think about getting my brown when I even can't handle (i.e., school) blue and purple belt dudes.
What has been your experience for this kind of thing? Is it normal for intermediate grapplers to feel inadequate? Is this just a reflection of my own insecurities towards shitty blue belts?
What advice do have for a small, widdle purple belt whose is getting her ass kicked nearly every class? Is there other conditioning I should be doing? Drilling certain ****? Should I just suck it up and stop being a little bitch about it?
Let the trolling ensue!