Learn to Defend the 7th Planet!
Are you ready for the ultimate in Self Defense training?
I'm Loyd Ervin, traveler from the future and commander of the Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition force. We have paid Bullshido many tons of what you people in the year 2013 refer to as "gold", to present you with this amazing offer of my experience.
As a traveler from the year 3184 and the commander of R-Force, I have had many adventures and am a veteran of many legendary wars. But nothing was more intense than my than the battle for the 7th Planet of our solar system.
The Greatest War Story Ever ToldIt is a long and harrowing story, and you can only handle it if you're one of the 3% who are winners, not the 97% of the population who are losers! Decide which group you want to join now, recruit!
The war was set to last 10-15 years, but with good behavior it was reduced to 7. On arriving to that sector of space, the enemy, a race of vicious tripod creatures known as the C'llmaytes, loudly and persistently threatened to invade the 7th planet. But I put up a fight, resorting to tactics never before seen in the history of space warfare.
I will teach these secret tactics to you!
Now I can't say that I escaped from the battle with the C'llmaytes unscathed, but what I can say is that my techniques for defending against their onslaught will ensure that you, in the year 2013, will never suffer as I did.
My tragedy becomes your success!
After the 7-year battle I was told I would never walk again, at least, not as a normal human should walk. But you on planet Earth in this timeline, do not have to face such an extreme threat. My system is guaranteed to keep you safe against any attacks by other humans, especially the most dreaded and heinous assaults a man could ever encounter.
You may never have to face the spitting venom technique of a three-legged C'llmayte, but if you follow my training, no threat on two legs will ever be a danger to you.
Would you like to know more?
Click here and I will show you how to defend the 7th Planet!
Instructors! Are you looking for a guaranteed way to keep students engaged and loyal to your school? Do you want to add something new to your school that's going to ensure your classes are filled day in and day out?
Well then you need to join as an Affiliate Commander of the R-Force! As an R-Force Affiliate Commander, you will learn how to recruit and enlist soldiers into the Ranger Alliance Planetary Expedition army.
Learn the one secret to student loyalty!
Our exclusive program involves intense one-on-one sessions where we "audit" each student's progress, and cutting edge supplements that you can sell in your pro-shop to raise extra funds. Your students will love the supplements... at least the male ones will!
Be among the first schools in this timeline to offer our exclusive program and watch the profits roll in!
*"Loyd Ervin" surprisingly enough really is from the future, and even more surprisingly knows a lot about self defense. However, he is not from the year 3184. As you can tell, he is suffering from post-traumatic stress from barely missing a prison sentence due to "performance anxiety". This has caused him to cope with his experiences by inventing a space ranger persona in order to both battle his own inner demons, and sell his self defense system to pay off extensive debts from bad investments. How he got a hold of a time machine is anyone's guess, and someone should probably look into that. But in the meantime, he did pay us a lot of money and even gave Phrost a yacht, which he has since renamed the SS Parody in honor of this April Fool's prank which has absolutely nothing to do with any other individual that may have a similar-sounding name.