Can't say I've ever really lost my temper. I told one asshat off after he jumped to a straight ankle lock from open guard with full force torque from the start. Otherwise I have actually spent considerable amount of time to develop a bit of temper, because controlled amounts of emotion actually seem to help me be a bit better on the mats. Passion, man!
On the other spectrum of feelings I did cry once. After about six months of training I was having a crappy day for whatever reason and one big purple belt without any real cause decided to go balls to the wall with me. I got repeatedly tapped out to semi-cranked or pain related (slicers) subs and enjoyed quite a bit of quality knee on stomach time from a 100kg guy. I kept tapping and restarting but after the round was over I had to take a minute. Crappy day + frustration * total feeling of helplessness = crybaby.
Don't be afraid to talk to your instructor if someone in class is hurting you or not being respectful. Unfortunately, it is fairly common to find people who want to use class as an opportunity to hurt people, and it can be very frustrating when you get paired up with them. Lots of students feel like if someone is hurting them, and they cannot handle it themselves, it is a sign of weakness, so they keep quiet and get frustrated.
Usually, if an instructor sees it, they will take care of the situation immediately and severely, because they know that sort of behavior is pretty much the fastest way to lose new members.
If you can't bring yourself to explain the situation to your instructor, just bow out, and tell your instructor you are not feeling well, and you would like to sit this one out "until we change partners". If your instructor is not completely dense, he will understand, and take care of it.
I haven't lost my temper during training per say but I have been frustrated to the point of not getting anything out the randori. I normally just wait for a good throw or lul in the match the just bow out shake hands and take a bit to clear my head.
About a week ago after my brown belt promotion they had me work with one of the new white belts who had been wrestling his whole life. Even though he had 40 pounds of solid muscle on me and probably more martial arts experience over all, I was getting still frustrated at the amount I was getting muscled. I just finished the round and sat out for the rest of the night.
Sounds like you have the matter well in hand, good for you !
Originally Posted by Katje
^A neckless adult with a metre-wide head?
Originally Posted by goodlun
I think Shannon Ritch has the best approach to dealing with anger in training. Just wait until class is over and take your rage out on everyone who crosses your path from then on out.
I agree. If you're replying to me, let me restate: he didn't come out to hurt me, he was just applying purple belt competition level intensity. Overall it was actually a very good learning experience since before that I hadn't any idea what real BJJ pressure is. If it hadn't been an otherwise bad day I would have been completely OK.
Originally Posted by Dr_Awesome
In general I do agree.
There is something interesting in what your saying, its easy to get sort of complacent with the low level of intensity that higher belts often try and use when rolling with lower level belts. Even when you know they are going easy it still builds up sort of a bit of false confidence in that you lasted the whole round without being tapped or you got that pass or whatever. It is good to experience the total ownage every once in awhile that is if you don't get hurt in the process.
Originally Posted by hpr
I can think of two specific examples of when I lost my temper. One was recent, I was MMA rolling with a mate, the purpose of the exercise was literally to get up out of being mounted. Now, my mate is a high level blue, has limbs like a spider and is strong as ****. We were both able to punch each other and just as it got to the end of the exercise, I managed to make it out of his mount and as I was standing up, time was called, so I dropped my guard. BAM! He swung a massive uppercut that connected full force, head ringing and eyes stinging from the contact made to the nose. Instant reaction was, "**** you if that's how you're playing it."
Firstly, it was mere seconds after time was called, I dropped my guard too early, he acknowledged and profusely apologised for the late hit, it wasn't malicious. Secondly, this is a guy who outranks me on the ground and literally has a reach advantage akin to a spear vs dagger, although we are similar level in stand up, I rarely put anything on him due to his range bombing ability. Thirdly, he is several weight categories above me. Losing my temper was not going to work out well for me.
Fortunately the next round I was scheduled to sit on the sideline, my mate still apologising as much as he could. Within seconds I had calmed down. Then people started coming up to me and saying **** that made me feel even better. One guy said he was watching what had to be the coolest thing ever, that I had taken this massive punch to the face and shook it off like it was nothing. That went far in cooling me down further.
There was this other guy that used to come to the gym who would do all this fancy YouTube ****, he said he didn't have any training but he was giving blues a sincere run for their money. He'd be trying subs that noobs just don't try, sweeps that are way too technical for the average white belt and was a particularly aggressive person to roll with. The first few times I rolled with him I was owned. Later I started having epic stalemate type rolls. Then I started getting basic subs on him. But throughout that he would do real dog act ****, like grind elbows into the side of my mouth, use his shin to dig in to the skin just below the nose and above the teeth, real **** acts. And at first I'd get real angry and lose it and he'd put me in a sub. Then I started getting better and I'd lose it and find myself in a superior position, but forget how I got there, completely negating the "learning" aspect of training. Then I would cop these **** acts and smile to myself, because I realised that he wasn't there to learn, he was there to sub and the only way he knew how to sub was to be a ****. It was a grand realisation when I realised that not losing my temper usually meant I got a better position which usually lead to a sub on him. I told him on a number of occasions he was being a ****, literally used the word, and said it's not cool and every time he'd act like he wasn't aware he was doing it.
After I started subbing him regularly, I decided that I wasn't going to roll with him anymore. After a while other people began following suit (or had already stopped rolling with him). Soon he didn't have any training partners. I don't see him much anymore. Same thing happened to this guy that fucked up my rib, he and his friend had been told REPEATEDLY that they needed to ease up in sparring, they head hunted kicks with force, they punched with the intention of KO, they wrestled like it was WWE, I'm sure if someone threw a chair in they'd have no hesitation in using it. This was when the agreed level of the sessions was 50-60%. They were told, kept doing it. Told again, kept doing it. Eventually coach lost his mind at them, which was a huge WTF moment, I hadn't seen that before. Thinking that they had the message, I sparred him. He was landing kicks to my inside knee, real hard. Okay, buddy, play like that. Replied with a stiff jab. Threw a massive head hunting kick that missed? Solid cross in reply. I kept calm and was winning the exchange, every time I popped him he got visibly more angry. And the more angry he got, the more obvious his intentions, the better my retaliating shots. It was when I lost focus, I wasn't angry, but I lost focus through possibly fear of his ground game (which was really good), that he capitalised and lifted me high up and pile drived his shoulder into my rib. After that (and an injury to another team mate requiring surgery) nobody wants to spar with them. They lost the chance to better themselves with other martial artists because they let their screws come loose in sparring. Don't be that guy.
The other night I was at a KFC late at night with one of my team mates. This drunk older dude with a couple of his mates came in and, as is custom, picked me as some sort of a target. He razzed me on my dress sense, a black hoodie and black track pants with a black beanie and Nikes. He asked me if I was a rapper. I said yep, that's exactly what I am. He asked what I do for a living, I said sales and marketing. He tried to belittle me in front of everyone by big noting himself and his current office. I can't remember my exact retort, but it brought the house down, everyone, including the dude, thought I was hilarious. He continued talking down to me, but by then I had everyone on my side and thus didn't need to take it any further. Even when he literally punched me in my injured rib, I flinched but I didn't go at him.
I bring this up for one reason. My team mate later told me that he was ready for me to punch on, he thought this guy was being that disrespectful that I was going to arc up and clock him. He said if that dude spoke to him like that, he wouldn't have been so polite. I replied that the guy was drunk and posed such a little threat to me physically, even though I am injured, that fighting him would've been ridiculous. I kept my cool because I train daily to keep my cool in situations far more dangerous than this. I also noted what would have happened if I had snotted him. Who is Mr Policeman going to side with in this case? I'll give you a hint, he probably wasn't going to take middle aged collared shirt civil engineer who had a couple of drinks at the pub to jail. They'd be looking at the sober, previously arrested for violence, unemployed, mixed martial artist.
I don't know if my temper has some genetic component like you Nords or Celts, and even if I did, I wouldn't bring it up because come on, seriously? I do know I can take a lot of **** before the fuse is even lit. It is a short fuse, though, so don't get it twisted. If it is lit, you better be finding some water to help me douse it ASAP. I'm more likely to snap and scream obscenities in your face nowadays than engage in malaise straight away. I did enough of that when I wasn't in control of my faculties when drinking, I consider myself much more in control now. Believe me, if I scream "****, I will fucking murder you, ****" in your face, you've probably lit the fuse and by that stage I'd suggest taking a long walk around another continent. If not and you stay in my face, well, I don't know what happens then, we can ask my previous housemate if you like.
I think controlling your temper in training is as much a part of training as the techniques. Anger clouds your vision. You can't fight if you can't see.