Puts away pen, closes notebook.*
They probably don't, you're right. I'm more anecdotal than allegorical when I share, though, attempting to entertain. Or I want the opinion of, or just to bounce thoughts off, a trusted friend, of which the mat provides. I've noticed I haven't had to do it as much recently, the focus of fighting means other **** takes a back seat, also the lack of drama in my outside life. Progress.Quote:
I'm guessing it's more about the people you surround yourself with. You go around talking freely about your past etc but I wonder if your associates are as open too. At any rate, it sounds like there's some friction between your training and non-training lives, and something about honesty is at the crux of you wanting to train rather than do other things. I don't really know enough about you to say much else.
I even find myself waving off the current "drama" of being made redundant as a lead in to talk about training, "oh yeah, it was a good job and all, but the big company came in and changed the structure, so my position was made redundant, it sucks but I've survived worse, it just means I get to spend more time here!"
Yes, but I know where you are. I know you have a strategy to deceive. And I know that you're not going to stomp on my face, knife me in the back and in the end will likely show me the respect of engaging in battle with you. The pain I experience is not some stress symptom that eats away at my mental health, barely diagnosable and ongoing.Quote:
Hell, even the basic premise is debatable- when I'm sparring, I'm constantly trying to trick my opponent, "lying" to them with my eyes and body and apparent focus. I'll look down at your legs while I hit your face, hoping you believe the information I'm giving. If someone's bodyshot hurts me, I'll try my best to look like I didn't even feel it. I'll throw a fake kick to open up a superman punch, etc. Although this is outside the scope of honesty in terms of what will work and what won't.
So it kinda sounds like there's a lack of harmony between the martial arts part of your life and the other parts.
On the contrary, my non-training life has simplified and harmonised due to my increased involvement in fighting. No longer chaotic, I am able to plan for myself. I have structure, I have goals. I am respected as a hard working and intelligent employee, my prospects for future employment in any field I choose are excellent.
Consider when I joined the site I was a hard drinking, hard smoking, hard drugging loudmouth who believed that because I had a few scraps in bars I was some sort of world beater. I lived a lie I couldn't see it at the time, because I deceived myself. I was engaged to a girl whom I cared about, but did not love, worked in a job that I didn't like and this lead me to ramp up my involvement in training. Over time, training to fight humbled me. Now I'm a non drinking, non smoking, non drugging loudmouth, whose previous kinks in life have all but completely ironed themselves out.
The current household I live in is friction-less, my housemate is a 35 year old cop and Army Reservist with two boys aged 8 and 12 who stay with us every other week. There is mutual respect from all parties and I am able to provide something of a role model to the boys. The current role I'll be wrapping up at the end of tomorrow, one that I loved because I helped charities to raise money for their good works, gave me tools that I previously never had and that are congruous to my goals. On top of that, I have references from my employers of the highest regard.
Someone said to me late last year on this site that I maybe "have a dependency issue", in relation to the fact that I seem to be a serial monogamist with women. I agreed and also noted that it was to my detriment. As you are probably all aware due to the countless threads I have posted about women, in the past I placed a lot of my identity in picking up and also in fucking, not to mention the size of my dick. Some of it is even evident in my original post above. I recognised that I was basing at least some of my self worth on the attention that women gave me. In my focus on fighting, I have released myself from this affliction.
Obviously all these things have had "corrections" of sorts, but I see it like most growth charts, there is an upward trend, sometimes it dips and sometimes it spikes.
There is little to no friction in my current non-training life because there is nothing rubbing me the wrong way. And that I attribute to fighting.
You're right, you can't fight abstract concepts or people's baggage, this is precisely the reason for the thread. When focussed on fighting, those things are inconsequential.Quote:
From that, it sounds like what draws you to fighting is the concrete, cut-and-dry nature of it. I've certainly wished that I could just physically engage some jerks over the years, rather than have the conflict just float around in the spirit world until someone gets hungry or something. It certainly would be nice if we could go around like superheroes, punching evil, but you can't fight abstract concepts or other people's baggage. In this perspective, fighting can end up being an escapist activity from a world where evils aren't as simple as dragons to slay; where you escape to a world where the righteous kung fu warrior really can right wrongs with roundhouse kicks. When you're done fighting though, and the nebulous problems continue, it may seem more like you're escaping the truth rather than embracing it.
There is no escapism, my opponent is not an evil foe to be vanquished, he is a respected martial artist testing his skills against me as I do the same against him. He is not representative of my outside woes (NB: I just had a revelation). He is not the personification of the struggles of my life. If he was I'd kill him (that's a joke).
Furthermore, those "nebulous" problems have not continued. They have, slowly, vanished from my life as a result of fighting.
Agreed. It would be great if I lived in a world filled with fighting martial artists.Quote:
Fighting with someone you've got some conflict with can also be cathartic. I remember back in the day my brother and I would have some long, drawn out fights but actually feel better afterwards. Or, how a long argument with a girlfriend can lead into great sex. I think your training may let you let out some of the frustrations that the world is different than you want it to be.
These are both things that fighting martial artists intuitively realize, so it can be frustrating living in a world where so few appreciate the therapeutic benefits of fighting. That fact may contribute to the frustrations, which will make you want to go and train more probably.
One thing I probably should throw out there, my involvement in fighting has directed me to seek further involvement in fighting, on an employment level. Since I was young, I wanted to be a martial arts teacher, have my own studio, etc. And in my younger days, as youth is wont to do, I wanted it yesterday, with as little work as possible. Obviously I am nowhere near instructor level, no doubt, but a few things have changed. Mainly I don't want it right now, I want to earn it through sweating and bleeding, I finally recognise that it is hard work, dedication and commitment. I have a 10+ year vision for that now. I will train hard now.
In the meantime, however, I have a couple of options that would allow me to work in and around the world of fighting. I have developed certain skills that I can work with in the peripheral of the fighting world. I have literally been sought after for this particular skill. As I haven't yet been given the job, I can't discuss it, but it is the culmination of my injecting myself into the fighting world through various mediums.
Hopefully I will be able to live in a world of fighting martial artists.
Careful bro, you get too deep into that "opponent is not my enemy" thing and you'll stumble into that "futility of violence" thing.
After that I think you have to do an acid dance and make love to a pile of fertile soil or something...
What good is feeling compassion when it benefits some bum on the street you give a dollar to more than it benefits your own flesh and blood who you can't provide a stable, secure, nurturing life for?
I say if you want to make the world a better place get your **** together, build a real family that doesn't include a steady procession of whores, be their champion every day, and send them out in the world to do the same themselves.
They don't need you to be self absorbed and cry about your feelings.
By the way, battlefields. I think I've read enough of your posts to know you aren't a dummy. I have no doubt you're smart enough to look past the abrasiveness of my comments in order to see the truth in them.
This time I'm going to use my powers for good instead of E-Ville and transform battlefields into a productive and manly citizen. I may even become his mentor if he asks nicely.