This thread makes me a bit jealous of the amount of time you're able to devote to training battlefields.
I find it hilarious that my own training sometimes takes a back seat to my son's. He has BJJ classes on Tues and Thurs nights, and due to my wife's work schedule, that means no training for me on these nights.
Dang single people and their free time.
Enjoy your freedom. Most of it goes away after you become a filthy breeder. /whining
Well, battlefields....since we're being honest and all....
You seem like an okay guy. Fairly entertaining. But you're kind of emo and have a lot of drama like a girl, which taints your otherwise manly image with an aura of weakness. You're welcome for the honesty.
Life is all about fighting, just not necessarily in a cage or a ring or what have you. Looking back on my life, I find that nothing worth having or noteworthy was ever handed to me. On the contrary, if something was thrown in my lap, little to no good came from it.
Lately, I have been feeling conceited. I look down on many, not because they are in a lesser situation than myself or possibly a similar one, because they are not doing anything to correct it. I'm not drawn to the same temptations I once was; partying, sex, adrenaline (well, on a different level), all I care about is success. Success in every endeavor, from being a father, to school, to training, even my seemingly menial job. I want to be the best at everything I do. I want to brush my teeth better than you.
I no longer chase what I would refer to as simple desires. I could literally walk down the road, visit one of a few houses, and get laid. Now, these girls aren't easy by most men's standards, it's just something I personally could get. What glory is in this? Where's my sense of accomplishment? It would be a given, why waste my time?
Really, just go after the challenges. It will boost your self esteem like no other, and others will see this and naturally be drawn to you, for reasons other than you tell good fart and dick jokes at parties.
Yes,its kinda hard to talk about this and not come close to bragging about whatever,but people made a good point.
Earning what you fought for,and the process of fighting for it,with all its ups and downs,little victories and not so little setbacks +is+ fulfilling in a way few other things are.
To find purpose,to find worth,to acheive,to develop skill,to garner the admiration of people you respect and care about in kind.
That your parents didnt raise a ****-up, that you in turn will be an okay parent,being the man you think your woman deserves. All men must die,but those who got this most of their life can die happy,or at least go widouth the regret of not having tried.
You might want to read up on Marc Denny's ramblings on this. He talks about training in the short, medium and long term, as a stickfighter.Quote:
What draws me to fighting? Originally? Or now? Originally it could have been out of fear, a desire for protection. Now, it is about betterment. But that is the subject of another dissertation.
Well there you go.Quote:
It is more a realisation that I crave the honesty of fighting, rather than being drawn to it. This realisation makes it clear that, with very few exceptions (music being one), I probably did not enjoy many of the things I have done in the past. Maybe through conditioning I learnt that I should enjoy those things, that getting the hot chick, the good career, the money, etc, was a key to happiness. In my experience, getting all those things required at some stage dishonesty.
I'm guessing its more about the people you surround yourself with. You go around talking freely about your past etc but I wonder if your associates are as open too. At any rate, it sounds like there's some friction between your training and non-training lives, and something about honesty is at the crux of you wanting to train rather than do other things. I don't really know enough about you to say much else.Quote:
I can see how you made the inference, I just see it as a little reaching, considering I was not vague about explaining I believe myself to be an honest person. I'm actually intrigued as to what you are referring, because you have a long memory, Permalost, and I write a lot about my life on this site, so I'm actually keen on hearing what areas you think I may be being dishonest in, in relation to life.
Hell, even the basic premise is debatable- when I'm sparring, I'm constantly trying to trick my opponent, "lying" to them with my eyes and body and apparent focus. I'll look down at your legs while I hit your face, hoping you believe the information I'm giving. If someone's bodyshot hurts me, I'll try my best to look like I didn't even feel it. I'll throw a fake kick to open up a superman punch, etc. Although this is outside the scope of honesty in terms of what will work and what won't.Quote:
True. I've faced dishonesty, in others and, most importantly, in myself. So in that, yes, it is decidedly more complex than "fighting is honest".
So it kinda sounds like there's a lack of harmony between the martial arts part of your life and the other parts.Quote:
The HapKiDo tattoo still symbolises to me the two meanings, a harmony with life and coordinating power. It reminds me of what I see as the catalyst for the true beginning of my martial arts journey, the seeking of the path with a rejection of certain esoteric bullshit.
From that, it sounds like what draws you to fighting is the concrete, cut-and-dry nature of it. I've certainly wished that I could just physically engage some jerks over the years, rather than have the conflict just float around in the spirit world until someone gets hungry or something. It certainly would be nice if we could go around like superheroes, punching evil, but you can't fight abstract concepts or other people's baggage. In this perspective, fighting can end up being an escapist activity from a world where evils aren't as simple as dragons to slay; where you escape to a world where the righteous kung fu warrior really can right wrongs with roundhouse kicks. When you're done fighting though, and the nebulous problems continue, it may seem more like you're escaping the truth rather than embracing it.Quote:
In my adult life I have taken some massive hits, some of them were self inflicted, some of them were the result of mistakes I had made and some of them were just life's way of letting me know that it could take a swing. Each time I stood back up. There have been times when it literally felt like each week I would receive a new battering. And I walked headlong into the fray.
Consider the few things that have happened to me since I've been on this site. Many people are privy to this information because I am relatively open about it and tend to air it on here when it happens. Then think about the fact I had 26 years prior to that, 10-12 years of which were spent involved in criminal activity, drinking, and drugging. I am forthcoming about my shortcomings in these times, but not about the all the details. I lived a life of dishonesty that most people could not comprehend and that life delivered blows that even now I wonder how the **** I survived.
The opponent in these "fights" was fluid. It could be the owner of a company that promised me that I would be looked after only to **** me royally, or the guy who got in the ear of a friend to turn him paranoid against me, to the chick that lied to the police to have me arrested. These are all opponents I cannot "hit" back. Despite being real people, in a "fight", they are a non entity. In all these cases I didn't even know someone was fighting me until they tried to deliver the KO. And I stood the **** back up.
The honesty of having the person you are fighting right in front of you, knowing that they have a strategy while not knowing what that strategy is, that is what it is all about.
The thing I know about myself is that I will get hit and keep going on whatever battlefield I fight. At least in an organised fight I know where to swing.
Fighting with someone you've got some conflict with can also be cathartic. I remember back in the day my brother and I would have some long, drawn out fights but actually feel better afterwards. Or, how a long argument with a girlfriend can lead into great sex. I think your training may let you let out some of the frustrations that the world is different than you want it to be.
These are both things that fighting martial artists intuitively realize, so it can be frustrating living in a world where so few appreciate the therapeutic benefits of fighting. That fact may contribute to the frustrations, which will make you want to go and train more probably.