With the recent elimination of the oldest sport in existence from the 2020 Olympics, the IOC has made it very clear what direction they want this event to go. It won't be long before rhythmic circle-jerking supplants track-and-field and all medal winners will be declared by viewers' texted votes. With that mind, I think we here should take it upon ourselves to create a new international sporting event for the betterment of mankind. Instead of promoting peace and unity, however, the purpose of our event will simply be to promote raw badassery in the collective population of the globe. Here are my proposed events, please feel free to contribute your own:
Wrestling (Three divisions: Greco-Roman, Freestyle, and Oil)
Judo (With leg takedowns)
Boxing (Pro rules)
Pankration (With Cestus)
Bullfighting (One-on-one, none of that **** where guys on horseback get to weaken the bull with spears first)
Whale hunting (With canoes and spears)
Instead of racewalking, Oldschool Pedestrianism (Athletes have to walk across the entire host country)
Taktarov Marathon (Athletes must race a marathon's distance through the jungle with a burst appendix)
Javelin and Shot Put Catching
Microlight Air Dueling
- 100 metre hot coal army crawl
- Tank shooting
- Asphyxiation endurance
- Manual building destruction
- 2000 metre fall
- Collapsed mine escape
- Sperm count
- Hippopotamus bowhunting
- Bait eating
- Last man standing free-for-all
What you got?
HAhahah, ****. Started so seriously then exploded with awesomeness.
I could care less about wrestling but Thank God they kept Speed Walking.
Could you imagine an Olympic games without speedwalking? It would be a travesty.
"Olympic" Carjacking (no clothes)
German Fetish Decathlon
"The Kardashian Guantlet"
X-treme Chess (Vale Tudo Rule Set)
The gold for this event goes to the person with the most STDs at end of the trials.
Originally Posted by Mr. Machette
Full contact beer pong
Rancor Wrangling (No Jedi powers allowed! This is an amateur sporting event after all)
You get an average-weight grizzly-bear tied to each of you hands. You then have to knock out one of the bears, using the other bear as a club and apply the knocked out bear to the formerly-club-bear to choke him out.
The drunk tri-cycle race from Revenge of the Nerds.
American Pie franchise endurance watch. Winner takes all.
I'm going to throw in some suggestions for the Neolympics Winter Games
Biathalon Bobsled - the guy in the back isn't doing anything after the initial push. Let's give him a rifle and have him snipe targets at 100 km/h. Hell, make it a full-auto rifle, for added **** yeah.
Freestyle Skiing Biathalon - what's that you say? I could have sworn you said "it's an awesome idea to give the skiier a rifle, and snipe targets while simultaneously nailing a spinning somersault after being launched high in the air" ... and you'd be right.
And while we're messing with the definition of biathalon, let's remind the sport itself of its military roots; change the shape of the track into a figure-8, and allow competitors to take out their rivals as they pass.