"I lost my toys for a few days but then found them."
Disabled gimpy cast off is shunned by the warrior elite. Is derided for his larptastic ways and flees to find solace and comfort amongst the semi deformed hotties of the invading hordes.
A victim of vigilante "justice" is left horribly scarred and disfigured and is forced to redress his grievances in the dream world. A gripping and harrowing story of the sadness and violence that inevitably ensues when a man is denied due process.
Friday the 13th
Debbie Does Dallas
"The story of a young college girl frantically trying to establish a relationship with any man who will accept her as her father never did. All the while she must fight to stay on the Dean's List and avoid being murdered by men who view her actions as unbecoming of a Texas cheerleader."
36th Chamber of Shaolin (Manchu POV):
Treasonous student spying for rebel causes and spoiling local fish market in the process goes on the lam from local Manchurian law enforcement. He finds a temple of Zen-stoned hippie priests living off the government dime, where they put him to work sweeping the temple for several years before casually informing him that learning kung fu was a second option.
In the ancient Buddhist tradition, he quickly becomes a hardcore killing machine, who can develop advanced weaponry from bamboo stalks. He tracks down and brutally assassinates the local government officials, sending the province into chaos.
"Never Say Never Again" Remember that Sean Connery walked away from the James Bond series and refused ever to get involved again.....
...so he re-made "Thunderball".
Fuuuuuuuuck I missed!!!
Reservoir Dogs: Struggling waitress makes rent when those nice Mormon gentlemen tip big.
Trainspotting is about a teenage girl who falls for an adult delinquent with a struggling heroin addiction. Otherwise she's perfectly normal.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Omega and Sirc fly to India in search of the real kalaripayyit, but poor Hindi skills lead them on a quest for rocks.
Dogma: a Catholic satirizes religion by mocking unrelated things.
Alien: photo-negative reel of Amistad
The Island of Dr Moreau: furry enthusiasts are persecuted on their private island
Trainspotting: a sheet is totally ruined.
Skyfall: The World's Greatest Secret Agent must recreate the Peter Griffin vs Giant Chicken fight scenes or the world will be destroyed!
Hero: two ten year old boys pretend to be a king and a hero, and exchange elaborate fake stories.
Edward Scissorhands: The new kid is super popular because the girls think he's handsome and the guys think he's rad for having blade hands, but the town becomes furious when they realize that he invented being emo.
Sweeny Todd: Hollywood tries to attract the serial killer demographic by combining murder and musicals.
Prometheus: after discovering the location of the alien creators of life on earth, humanity set out on an expensive decades-long journey to send Earth's most disinterested and idiotic scientists to investigate. Possibly re-written from Armageddon 2.