Screw functional strength, let's talk about hypertrophy
So I'm a shallow, narcissistic douchebag who's far more concerned with how I'm perceived than the contents of my character. And as such, it is much more important to me that I *appear* strong and athletic rather than actually *be* strong and athletic.
Towards this end, I've met with a lot of frustration in my various bouts of weight training. While I can make real measurable gains in strength, both as measured by the increase in the weight I'm lifting and the ease with which I suplex the **** out of motherfuckers, I don't put on Jersey Shore-like muscle mass that I can awe the masses with whenever I take off my shirt.
And isn't that what really matters?
So how do I get bulging triceps and mighty man boobs? You know, the good kind that make you look like Men's Health, not the bad kind that make you look like andropause.