First Annual San Antonio Easter Weekend Dungeons&Dragons Ruleset MMAKaraoke Throwdown
Now, when many of you think Easter Weekend, the first thing that probably comes to mind is out of state relatives converging on a back-yard picnic table, maybe it’s togetherness, family, and hiding Easter eggs for the kids. Well, that’s probably because you’re all a bunch of pussies that practice Aikido, and wear tie-dye hakamas to your crystal healing sťances.
This Easter weekend, a few brave souls have begun a new srsly manly tradition that will surely set a trend and define a generation. Of course, I am talking about the First Annual San Antonio Easter Weekend Dungeons and Dragons Ruleset MMA Karaoke Throwdown. An EPIC event so epic and full of awesomeness, that only a powerful stasis field of booze and singing Koreans can contain it.
Taking a page from Gigoro Kano, we have put together a structured and codified format for future generations to follow:
PHASE 1- PRE GAME PREP
Get pre-game buzzed, usually a drinking contest will suffice. This serves 2 goals: It helps determine who gets to go first, and preps the contestants for the Karaoke.
PHASE 2- THE GAME
Break out into spontaneous D&D MMA match. Use whatever materials are available. Bar napkins, phone app dice, beer nut HPs, it’s all good. Further drinking ensures successful phase 3.
PHASE 3- YMCA Semi-Finals
If you can still read, pick the most confusing **** you can find on the song list. You don’t have to know the lyrics, as long as it sounds girly. When in doubt go for Lionel Ritchie or Sade. If you are feeling particularly sacrilegious, feel free to rape Bohemian Rhapsody. Half way through the match, you may get bonus points for doing interpretive dancing Napoleon Dynamite style. As a rule the LAST song on the list prior to the closing of events has to be YMCA by the Village People. Hand movement mandatory.
PHASE 4- SOBERING UP IN THE PARKING LOT
At this point, the contestants will engage in various sobering up activities, ranging from Wing Chun forms, to Kuk Sul Won poomise, to cartwheels. Extra points if you get spotted by a bar patron. Instant win if it’s the cops. If you happen to spot a chubby dog walking down the street, you are required by regulation 2 paragraph 14 B to chase it for no less than 10 and no greater than 15 feet. When adequately formed/poomised-up, feel free to go for tacos. Tacos kick ass.
We now go live to The Beak with more.