To interrupt the tomfoolery...
I don't post all that often, but I gotta agree with the earlier posts: You can't do ****. Either start training with a legitimate dojo and try to drag your friend along, or **** him. Other than alien mind control or murder, I don't know what other choices you have.
As for the neckbeard, well, let him be a neckbeard. That's punishment enough.
Revived this thread because I realized the Op was from my home town and roughly the same age as me. I used to train Tang Soo Do with a heftyish guy named Dan. Dude may very well sport a neckbeard nowadays. If he's the same person you know, maybe we can meet up and <del>have sex with each other</del> plot to take him down (Provided you're still interested in this three years after the fact). Also:
Lol Whut. ::from 2014::
Judging by the fact that the OP was training Judo and submission wrestling, I have to assume he was at Modern Martial Arts in Englishtown. They've always had a really good Judo program, which is unfortunate because they only hold Judo classes once a week (And nowadays it's just a kids class).
I don't know what the one word obscenities are, but I'll give it a go.