View Full Version : MONSTER® - Coffee Drinks

4/23/2008 10:17am,
Both Monster and Rockstar have recently come out of their respective taurine tar pits to present the latest in the Energy Drink Revolution.............coffee.......that's right, COFFEE.

Not just coffee.....espresso coffee.......not just espresso coffee........but espresso coffee mixed with each companies 2500mg proprietary energy blend.

Its, its, its, ITS...SUPER CAFFEINE!!!!

Well, not really, it is just a marketing gimmick which actually gives you a combination of two old products and a really bad excuse to shift your energy drink addiction to a 24 hour never ending caffeine binge. Many times in the morning on the way to work I would stop at my local energy watering hole and pass up on the selections as none of them were....well.....morning drinks. NOT ANY MORE!!!! HOOORAYYYYYY!!!!!

PLEASE NOTE - I have not tried either the Chia Hia or the Russian. If anyone has feel free to add your opinion in a reply.

Taste Rating Scale is 1 (absolute shite) through 10 (tastes like happy)

Taste: 7 – If you are a fan of iced coffee, and I am, then this is good stuff. The only problem is that all of the ones I have tried taste almost exactly the same. Nut-up, Originale, Loco Mocha, Mean Bean, Lo-Ball, and Irish Blend are almost indistinguishable from one another. This is not surprising since the ingredients, the primary ingredients are the same in each of them.

After Taste: 7 – Like iced coffee. If you like then good; if you don't then don't buy it stupid.

Effects Rating Scale is 1 (water) through 10 (check in to rehab NOW!)

Energy Boost: 7 – Decent boost which comes on slowly. The caffeine content on these products is intriguing. For example, one shot of espresso (1.5oz) contains @ 77mg of caffeine. The drink also contains the standard Monster proprietary energy concoction which as shown through prior reviews is roughly 80mg per serving or @ 160mg per 16oz can. The primary ingredient (number one on the list) is Espresso. So, assuming the caffeine ion the espresso is different from the caffeine count in the proprietary blend each of these cans contains, at a minimum, 237mg of caffeine. If Monster puts a double shot in each can (which may be likely as each can counts as 2 servings) than these drinks would truly be "Monsters" in the energy drink world and have over 300mg of caffeine per can.

Side Effects/Crash: 7 – Awful, awful, awful crash. I about gave myself whiplash in the late afternoon jerking myself out of sleep while at my desk. Frequent trips to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and finally giving up and buying an Upshot at a local 7-11 helped get me through the crash.

NOTE TO SELF: Energy drinks which cause bad crashes are likened to heroin; you feel like **** when you are off it and will travel to the next town over to find another fix so you don't fall asleep at the wheel.

4/24/2008 3:22pm,

You should do Amp Energy drink next, I just saw a banner for them on Bullshido.

4/24/2008 3:41pm,
I just noticed that too. Amp sucks...it's Mountain Dues poor attempt at relabeling Mountain Due.

4/24/2008 3:47pm,
How much sugar are in these drinks? That can cause a crash as well.

4/24/2008 3:57pm,
Hmmm, shouldn't the crash rating be ranked from 10 (none) to 1 (rather be dead)? Seems it's getting a higher overall score due to the bad crash, or am I just too sleepy to understand this correctly....?

Edit: Ah, I see. Aftertaste and Crash are mixed up on the chart, gotcha.

4/25/2008 1:30pm,
How much sugar are in these drinks? That can cause a crash as well.

Surprisingly not much. Most have 28-32 grams of carbs per can. So the sugar content is actually on the low side.

4/25/2008 1:50pm,
Thanks for the review. I usualy always go with the sugar free 'white' can of rockstar. I do like iced coffee though and after reading your review I think Ill try one!