View Full Version : Martial Arts in the Video Games: FAIL

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Airman Kai
11/05/2007 9:12pm,
We love video games, don't we? Of course we do. Fucking DUH.

And we love martial arts, right? Yah, some of 'em, we do.

But much like sex and projectile weaponry, these are both things that are better enjoyed separately. Just so we understand each other, I'll give you a few examples.

CASE 1: The 2D Fighter

You know the game I'm thinking of... you know, the one with the two guys whose moves are the exact same, but people still pick just one religiously?


Yes, Street Fighter 2 opened the floodgates for millions of children to become completely enthralled with Ken and Ryu's incredible feats of ZOMG KARATE!!! We all remember how wonderful we felt as we closed range with our opponent and pressed FP, sending them flying over us, propelled by a life draining throw. And who can forget that fag who just wouldn't lay off Blanka'a electric attack? After SF2, Karate (which was, of course, all martial arts) wasn't just mysterious, it was now super awesome. Right then, we were ready to Dragon Punch the first kid that crossed our path.

It didn't stop there, though, oh NO! Martial Arts in Gaming moved forward just like everything else... and soon it was combining the two things young boys cannot resist: Ninjas and Ultra-Violence.


Indeed, Mortal Kombat was SO kool that every kid on the block kouldn't stop themselves from rushing to their local arcades, mostly against their totally unkool mom's wishes. I mean, dude, it had ninjas that could either (A) burn your flesh from your bones, or (B) rip your head (spinal cord included) from your body in one clean yank. What's not to love, right?

However, it had the same effect as it's 2-D counterparts... our impressionable pre-teen mind now thought itself capable of commanding our limbs to uppercut Jimmy from Science Class 15 feet into the air, which Science Class had clearly proven to be an impossibility. Which you would know by now. If you, like, read smart stuff, like I do. You know, like National Geographic, and other stuff like that. Actually, I found that out from experience... yah, I tried it on Jimmy from Science Class, and it turned out to have the opposite effect. Instead of his stiff form being propelled upward, I actually went downward, to the ground, whimpering. With a broken hand.

ANYWAY, Video Games would continue to misrepresent Martial Arts even further into the 3-D realm.


Tekken, and more specifically, Tekken 3, taught us that Tae Kwon Do and Capoeira were the two most deadly and effective martial arts known to man (and, that by selecting him with the start button, you could be SO much cooler than that other guy who always picks Eddie).

Now, more than ever, kicks of all kinds were to be revered and respected. 5 kicks to the chest? Why not. Windmill to the legs, followed by some more ground kicking? Go ahead. Just go crazy. I mean, since all you seem to be doing is mashing the kick buttons, why don't you go ahead and fix yourself a sandwich, asshole? I mean, why don't you pick one of the other 78 characters, huh? Why not Bryan? Because you're a button mashing dick, that's why! You know, I could beat you if I picked Eddie and Hwoarang all the time, too, I mean, just like you do... stupid.

... Okay ... like I was saying... Video Games can certainly give you a skewed view of martial arts if you're a young, impressionable boy who's only wish is to set a man on fire with the power of your chi. So, just be sure to let your kids know that what they're doing on that video game is far outside the realm of reality... if you don't, they'll just have their dreams shattered like other young boys from the past...


11/08/2007 1:57pm,
haha that dude dressed as king is totally a furry.

I love the looks on cosplayers' faces when captured on film- one part "yay I can be myself" mixed with equal parts "Jesus look at these other people" and "what if someone sees this"

11/08/2007 2:51pm,
The thing you missed is that all these video games transfer PERFECTLY over to realistic, believable and entertaining Hollywood movies.

11/08/2007 3:30pm,
This may be off direction but the cosplayer chick in the red dress has some big feet. Oh yeah, I still have the cheat book for the first Mortal Kombat video game.

Have you played the UFC video game? Other than the fact you are punching buttons instead of people, the technique has to be there.

11/08/2007 5:07pm,
Don't forget the Fight Night series.

If you parry just right, the other dude will be dumbfounded for 3 seconds. Then you can use the slowest punch you could ever throw to get the KO.

bad credit
11/08/2007 5:16pm,
Years ago, when I still went to church, I went to a new one that was all gen x. (I was in my twenties.) When they found out I practiced martial arts, the anime and Dragonball Z fan among the group asked me if there were really energy attacks in the martial arts. I **** you not.

11/08/2007 7:38pm,
You forgot to mention the ultimate lesson of martial arts video games: crouch kicking. If you sit in the corner, crouch, and hit heavy kick repeatedly, no force on earth can stop you.

Kid Miracleman
11/08/2007 9:03pm,
"Here Comes a New Challenger!"

11/08/2007 10:30pm,
aw no reference to dead or alive's giant boob physics that revolutionized the genre? for shame

11/09/2007 12:50am,

go find out that it is possible to be a judoka that can slam you on the ground and then grab your head and chuck you like a rag doll. Also TKD can kick you 10000000 times while in the air......did i mention this game is free???

11/09/2007 8:57am,
Kia, good read, nice job. You need to do a Part II and delve into the next gen **** and the misrep of weapons (Soul Caliber) and the "cross-training" **** found in MK-4.....or was it 5.

11/09/2007 2:03pm,
You know though, despite it all....

Tekken is probably the most realistic 'fantasy' fighting game around, despite the bullshit.

Atleast it kind of looks real.

11/09/2007 2:05pm,
But DAMN mortal kombat was....WHAT THE **** with it's styles.

11/09/2007 5:30pm,
But DAMN mortal kombat was....WHAT THE **** with it's styles.Oh Gawd, I've never seen such a horrible depiction of Tang Soo Do, Hapkido and Judo that was as bad as in MK.

11/09/2007 5:37pm,
I can't believe you didn't mention how Tekken 4-5's Craig Marduk is just another one of those bad MMA stereotypes....and slow as ****.

11/09/2007 6:24pm,
What? No love for the VF series?

Where else can you have ninjas fight luchadors without those meddlesome fireball attacks?