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View Full Version : Hall OF Shame--Moment Of Bullshido Purity



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Vieux Normand
7/21/2007 2:57pm,
So you've trained in your colour-coded jumpsuit, done your dances, whizzed your 540 spin kicks for years. You've shelled out megacash for your lifetime-membership (which earned you that jumpsuit) and paid, again and again, for those promotion tests.

But have you attained Bullshido? Have you experienced that moment of purity? Well, sometimes, those MA fuckups which signify that purity can happen spontaneously...and to anyone. We all have our hall-of shame moments (except for you perfect fighting machines who never make a mistake--and who the hell's talking to you? STFU).

Well, here's one of mine:

Early eighties. Front door of downtown Toronto nightclub. My job. Although it's years before UFC, it's already well-known that many gi-wearing TMAs get you pounded on the street. Those of us who trained in them--but work in real situations--know we have to change our striking...especially the defenses. After years of supplementing my Judo with a kind of Karate thought tougher than other styles, I've been working for a few months on defenses more in line with Boxing.

Closing time. Most patrons have filed out, when out comes a tall-and-skinny with chipmunk cheeks instead of a jaw and chin. I'll call him buttface. He's all frustrated and swearing at the women coming out of the place, saying they're all "lesbians" because none of them were interested in going home with him. A woman responds with some comment or other and then he's running to grab her. I catch him and hammerlock him against the wall long enough for her to leave sight, but he starts yelling very specific and graphic death threats at her. As per the workplace SOP, buttface now has to be held and the police called.

I hand him to another doorman and get out my IR book. While I'm writing it up, buttface manages to wriggle out of the other doorstaff's grip. He runs at me, launching a looping overhand left. Not having any time for a thoughtful reaction, I go instinct and catch him coming in with a straight left of my own.

The sad part? Even as he's dropping, that overhand left gets me on the top of the noggin. Why, you ask? I asked myself the same thing. I looked down at my right hand, and where was it? Fist clenched, palm up, underneath my armpit with the elbow sticking out the back. That's right, I'm not kidding. At Kyokushin position--not as far down as Shotokan or TKD, but every bit as useless for defensive purposes. I squeezed my eyes shut, let my chin fall to my chest, and then let my hands drop. If buttface had had any buds there, they could have wailed on my head until the other bouncers dragged them off...and I would have let them, because that's what dumb fucks deserve (ask Darwin). Months of trying to change, but when there was no time to think, the previous years of habits kicked right in.

The only thing that saved my ass was that Buttface had no training, his hands weren't bareknuckle-conditioned and he weighed maybe about one-eighty, so I had almost eighty pounds on him. Even, so, if he had come in with anything other than a stupid looping-overhand, I might have caught one on the button instead of being ineffectually tagged up top.

He ended up with a concussion, a glass jaw and a sprained wrist. You can bet that, long after he'd recovered from those, I was still being called "grasshopper" by my smirking colleagues at the door. At least it was before "karate kid" terminology became common, so I didn't have to put up with "wax on, wax off". Not that I wouldn't have deserved it.

*sighs, hangs head in abject shame* Wish I could have had anti-stupidity counselling, but there were no LARP-anon chapters nearby.

Well, there it is. My hall-of-shame moment. One of them, anyways. How about anyone else?

C'mon, fessup. Share your attainment, your moment of bullshido purity. Please.

Phrost
7/21/2007 3:23pm,
Haha great story.

bobyclumsyninja
7/21/2007 4:04pm,
thanks for a great story

Squerlli
7/21/2007 4:22pm,
Not my hall of shame moment but a great one none the less. Theres a dojo next to where I live called "The Budokan MA School". Its a big place but the only useful things you'll learn their is judo and a small portion of the jap. ju-jitsu that doesn't suck balls. They also offer...yes you guessed it, Ninjutsu. I used to know a kid that went their (different kid from the one I choked out in one of my other stories) lets call him... Bob. Bob was an average sized kid, about 5'9 at 150 or 160. Normal healthy average kid. Took baseball for a while from about when he was 9 till about 15 so he was in good shape. He signed up at the Budokan when he was 15. He took ninjutsu. Now this was only 2 years ago.

We were both very aware of the UFC, Pride, MMA, and how most of these ancient "[email protected]" styles fall short. But no, he was utterly convinced that the teachers knew absolutely what he was doing. Why? Because the head instructor could do back flips like an XMA. How the **** did this give him creditability? Well you think about it, 15 year old boy wanting to learn to be a badass. They'd believe anything. So he took ninjutsu and I took some BJJ (I say some because I only rolled about once a week, and even that was inconsistent). So a year goes by and he's red belt. He's basically an official |33+ ninj3r. He decides that one hes gonna kick that **** out of some kid who was bothering him.

In good sense I tell him to calm down and really think about what hes gonna do. He decides I'm just jealous of his l33+ skillz, BJJ is for fags, and that ninjas own all. Well... cant say I didn't warn him. The kid he's fighting is about 180 at 5'11. Hes in pretty good shape as well. Bob decides the fight should be held at the park. Me, Bob, the kid Bob is fighting and one of his friends come in the middle of the baseball field. Agree that no one will jump in and we will just let them do their thing. Heres how it went.

Bob: *crappy wing chun straight punches in rapid fire mode*
Guy: *throws over hand at Bob, and then knee's him once in the face*
Bob: *wakes up in hospital with stitches from his nose to the end of the right cheek and a welt near his temple*

But hey now Bob does kick boxing. Atleast some good came out of this.

NasalInfection
7/21/2007 5:13pm,
My "enlightenment" came from Aikido. I had taken a new job at a university and joined the Aikido club there. Difference was, it was Tomiki Aikido not Hombu (compliant). I had taken a different style of Aikido and was expecting the dancing, the harmonizing, etc.. Instead I was greeted with techniques that were crisp and efficient, a Sensei that asked to show what I knew so HE could learn and incorporate other styles, and the sensation of true resistant sparring that set my heart aflutter.

In all honesty it was the joy of sparring, in Aikido of all places, that made me rethink everything else that was touted by Aikidoka.

Bugeisha
7/21/2007 9:56pm,
My "enlightenment" came from Aikido. I had taken a new job at a university and joined the Aikido club there. Difference was, it was Tomiki Aikido not Hombu (compliant). I had taken a different style of Aikido and was expecting the dancing, the harmonizing, etc.. Instead I was greeted with techniques that were crisp and efficient, a Sensei that asked to show what I knew so HE could learn and incorporate other styles, and the sensation of true resistant sparring that set my heart aflutter.

In all honesty it was the joy of sparring, in Aikido of all places, that made me rethink everything else that was touted by Aikidoka.

Tomiki Aikido can be a wake up call, for sure.

Emevas
7/21/2007 10:05pm,
I used to tell people that I would smash them, and I swore a lot and used a lot of racial slurs and stuff. Then one day, some guy took me down in a parking lot and pounded my skull like a pair of bongo drums. I learned I need to drill my elbow to spine takedown defense a whole lot more.

Virus
7/21/2007 10:12pm,
I did bujinkan.

Fantasy Warrior
7/21/2007 11:27pm,
Great OP, I think quite a few of us have done stupid things like that. Back in my point-sparring karate days I got in a multiple-v-multiple pub fight and I uppercutted some chap who had sort of got in my way. 'course he didn't feel it cos it barely made contact; adrenaline flowing, angry and I pull a punch point-sparring styleee. Fortunately I emerged from that particular fight unscathed but that's luck more than judgement.

In another situation a few years later someone punched me (so I am told by observers, I can't recall), and I replied in kind with an instinctive swing at his head which missed by a country mile. Such a miss that I don't even think he noticed. Again, years of training including kickboxing and under pressure I threw a crappy haymaker from out of range....

Live and learn. Of course these things are more obvious with hindsight, the realisation that my training wasn't realistic was a gradual thing.

WorldWarCheese
7/21/2007 11:31pm,
I challenged a wrestler to a fight thinking I could destroy him with t3h d34dly k4r4t3. (He was a state champ in Oregon HS Division I or II)

I can only thank the gods on high that he didn't accept.

Khun Kao
7/23/2007 9:50am,
Interestlingly enough, my first real experience with the truth was in a Ninjutsu class. I had been studying Kroddy (Tang Soo Do) for about 2 years and I really thought I was learning t3h d34d7y! Some friends of my trained with a 'backyard' Ninjutsu teacher. Everyone would just go to the guys place after work and either train in his backyard or basement.

After he got everyone else in the class started on their drills, he invited me over and said, "Show me what you've got...."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Him: "Put your guard up."

Me: -puts guard up-

Him: -bursts out laughing at my ridiculous stance-

Me: -starts getting sneaking suspiscion that things are about to start hurting-

Him: "Attack me"

Me: -throws shitty point-sparring snap kick at his head, pulled well before making contact-

Him: "Nice kick"

Me: -sees stars.... LOTS of stars! Followed by quite a bit of blood....-

I trained with that guy for about 2 years. He was an amazing fighter. He could do things that to this day are still astounding to me. Unfortunately, he was a horrible teacher. Sure, we all eventually learned some martial arts skills through osmosis and daily ass-beatings, but we all eventually moved on to other training....

...I found MuayThai and never looked back!

Devil
7/23/2007 10:15am,
I've participated in the following drill:

Forward roll, pick up shuriken from floor mid-roll, come to knees and throw shuriken at wooden target.

I need a shower now.

WingChun Lawyer
7/23/2007 10:17am,
I tried to use my two years of Wing Chun against a guy with six months of Muay Thai. Weird guard and all.

God, I never ate so many hooks in my life.

saturnjunkie
7/23/2007 11:00am,
I tried to palm heel a friend of mine on a dare when I was like 14... who then laughed at me and did it back (which it surprisingly hurt). Since that didn't kill him as advertised, I began hitting him with my umbrella instead. That seemed to work better.

Lebell
7/23/2007 5:23pm,
Interestlingly enough, my first real experience with the truth was in a Ninjutsu class. I had been studying Kroddy (Tang Soo Do) for about 2 years and I really thought I was learning t3h d34d7y! Some friends of my trained with a 'backyard' Ninjutsu teacher. Everyone would just go to the guys place after work and either train in his backyard or basement.

After he got everyone else in the class started on their drills, he invited me over and said, "Show me what you've got...."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Him: "Put your guard up."

Me: -puts guard up-

Him: -bursts out laughing at my ridiculous stance-

Me: -starts getting sneaking suspiscion that things are about to start hurting-

Him: "Attack me"

Me: -throws shitty point-sparring snap kick at his head, pulled well before making contact-

Him: "Nice kick"

Me: -sees stars.... LOTS of stars! Followed by quite a bit of blood....-

I trained with that guy for about 2 years. He was an amazing fighter. He could do things that to this day are still astounding to me. Unfortunately, he was a horrible teacher. Sure, we all eventually learned some martial arts skills through osmosis and daily ass-beatings, but we all eventually moved on to other training....

...I found MuayThai and never looked back!

Was he asian by any chance?
I've trained withy two asian guys in judo and jiu jitsu, one japanese other chinese.
Both were mean but the chinese guy was a sadist.
I learned a lot though about myself and mentality.

AMF
7/23/2007 5:48pm,
I did bujinkan.


Ditto.

'Nuff said.