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GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 12:42pm,
given the pure unadulterated awesomeness of Shinkengata's "Diary of a Teen Ninja" thread, and the requests to start a similar BJJ thread, I decided to make a go of it...here are the first three entries, if it is crap tell me to stop, if you want to see it continue let me know.


Day 366……..

Dear Diary,

****!!!! My mom said that she is not gonna help me pay for my ATA Bushido Masters Training Festival, I told her than I needed an attendance ticket from the festival so that I can enroll in the accelerated nidan course. Having just received shodan, my instructor is strongly recommending me for the nidan course. The “X-nidan” course is fucking mint!!! For only $2,500 I get an introduction into the secret Shaolin-jumping-shadow-kicking-techniques from the scrolls written by Eternal Grand Master Haeng Ung Lee, plus a shodan rank in Hapkido, this combined with the badass XMA training are well worth it. The festival only costs $4,000 and I will get a certificate of attendance signed by Master Richard Reed, a new ATA Bushido Master patch, authority to have World Champion embroidered on the back of my gi, and four colored tassels to match the multi-colored shodan stripe on my black belt.

She mentioned some bullshit line about “spending good money after bad” and my asshole step-dad and his drinking buddies said that I couldn’t fight my way out of gay bar with a extra large cucumber and asked me if I was gonna wear my gi in the next pride parade….what? pride parade? Whatever idiot, Pride is in Japan.

Anyway, got to head to school. I’m a bit nervous because Jack Nelson is still riding my ass about how his Jujitsu is better than my TKD. I’m gonna where my loose fit American Flag weight-lifting pants to school today, I’m sick of his ****, can you say roundhouse ************!!!!!!

XMAlways,

Chuck, Jr.

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 12:43pm,
Day 367………..

Dear Diary,

Just as I predicted, Jack started in on me again, saying “Chuck Norris is a fag”, and pointing at my lifting pants calling me Peter Pan and saying that Rex-Kwon Do could kick my ass. Well I had it, I called him a fag and asked him how much he liked rolling around on the ground and hugging sweaty guys…..I had been waiting for months to use that one on him, ever since I watched UFC 1 and saw that Gracie guy with his legs tightly wrapped around that muscular Shamrock guy hugging him close refusing to let him go, and found out that that is what jujitsu was.

Anyway, Jack charged at me and I immediately stepped back into my fighting stance with a loud “KIAYEEEEEE”, this was supposed to stop him in his tracks with the fear of Ung Lee in him but he must have been immune because his head was down. Well, as it turned out, I was not nearly quick enough with my axe kick and my downward elbow proved must not have been aimed correctly, we ended up on the ground. I turned my back to get up and return to fighting position but Jack, like a coward, jumped on my back…………….the next thing I remember is waking up in the nurses office about two hours later.

When I sat up I realized I was sans my flag pants. The nurse said she had to throw them out because there was **** in them when I was dropped off at the nurses office unconscious.

Come to find out Jack got me in some sort of head lock and I passed out and apparently **** myself. Everyone screamed and scattered and Jack fell to his knees and started to cry thinking that he killed me, turns out South Park was wrong though. Anyway Jack is being expelled and kids at school keep asking my about my near death experience. Fucking cool!!!!

I’m gonna ask my ATA instructor tonight if we learn any sweat techniques that knock you unconscious and make you **** yourself, I’ll let you know what says, that would be fucking sweet!!!!!

XMAlways,

Chuck, Jr.

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 12:43pm,
Day 368………………………..

Dear Diary,

Well Grandmaster Wong said that we do indeed have techniques that will render a person unconscious….he didn’t know anything about making someone **** themselves though. He said that we don’t learn to harness chi in our kicks until 5th Dan and that the Chi Implementation Course is $15,000. He said he could put me on a payment plan financed at 26% APR immediately so long as my mom, or other responsible adult, co-signs the application.

**** that!! I want to learn how to make someone **** themselves NOW. I told him thanks and I would ask my mom, ha, moron. I heard that Jack was only a White belt in BJJ and had only been studying for 2 months. I’m gonna go check out a BJJ school and see what its like.

I can’t wait to make my dick step-dad **** himself in front of his friends…

Check ya later diary.

BJJcurious,

Chuck, Jr.

mrblackmagic
7/19/2006 12:46pm,
We got threads by SevSB. Do we really need this?

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 12:48pm,
Sorry didnt see it.....

mrblackmagic
7/19/2006 12:49pm,
I'm just fucking with you. Although, you could get a lot of inspiration from this kid.
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/search.php?searchid=956454

Chevy Muscle
7/19/2006 12:53pm,
Day 368………………………..

Dear Diary,

,,,,,,,,

BJJcurious,

Chuck, Jr.


Greatness

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 12:57pm,
I'm just fucking with you. Although, you could get a lot of inspiration from this kid.
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/search.php?searchid=956454


HA, I had to search for some of his posts, I get it now.....

kung_fu_zombie
7/19/2006 1:04pm,
I have to admit that I was skeptical until the kid **** all in his pants.....haha.....you should definantly keep this going......

mrblackmagic
7/19/2006 1:04pm,
Good. Now back to the nut hugging.

jnp
7/19/2006 1:22pm,
At some point the kid should build an alter to Rolls Gracie as an homage to this thread (http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=76&highlight=Rolls+Gracie). Scroll down to #17 on the first post to see what I mean.

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 1:43pm,
At some point the kid should build an alter to Rolls Gracie as an homage to this thread (http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=76&highlight=Rolls+Gracie). Scroll down to #17 on the first post to see what I mean.

ha, couple JNP's blessing with JRR Shinkengata's and I will continue. I'll put the Roll's shrine right next to the Selina shrine.

kendamu
7/19/2006 1:48pm,
I like it! This is a trend I'm starting to enjoy.

FictionPimp
7/19/2006 1:53pm,
I demand you give me back my secret journal!

GoldenJonas
7/19/2006 2:38pm,
Day 369…………

Dear Diary,

I went to Helior Graicens Brazilian Jujitsu Jiu-Jitsu Academy today. Started out pretty cool. I wore my light-blue and black stripped ATA gi and wore my tasseled black belt to show them that I was no dirty MA n00b, “respect my authorita!!!!”, ha, Cartman rules.

I was pissed from the get go when a friggen purple belt asked us to bow in to him!!!!!! Purple Belt my ass, check the deck mother-fucker, I got th3 sh0d4n…anyway, he did have more patches than me, so that was pretty cool.

There were maybe 30 guys in class, which is cool because ATA chicks piss me off with like “don’t kick me in the boobs”, “I don’t need a cup” and “guys with tassels are gay”, chicks suck……except my girlfriend, Jen, or T00H0T2001, we’re exchanging “.gifs” on Wednesday, I’m super psyched.

Anyway, we warmed up and then got paired up for “rolling” which is I guess wrestling. I refused to get paired up with anyone but the “instructor”, he’s only a purple belt after all and I don’t want to hurt any of the other guys in class.

As it turns out my gi is too thin and got shredded during “rolling”, the guy was lame though. I charged in with a flying side-kick and he jumped up and wrapped his legs around my waist and arms around my back. I landed on top of him and he started wiggling his hips under me, kind of weird , sucker!!! I just dropped all of my weight on him and refused to move. He started to complain and then I felt him grab my collar, as everything started to go black I heard someone yell “hey, its Chucky ****-for-brains”…….I woke up outside staring at the night sky with, you guessed it, **** in my pants.

I have heard that there are different BJJ styles out there. I’m hoping that the one I find will have some sweet dance moves like that dude from “Only the Strong”. I’m gonna have to do a bit more research on this BJJ crap. ****!!! I really wanted to wear my ATA Gi in the “.gif” swap with Jen.

More lates Diary,

StillBJJcurious,

Chuck Jr.

FictionPimp
7/19/2006 3:15pm,
Actually when I first started bjj there was a guy who would show up in his TKD green belt and talk about how deadly his tkd and hopkido was. I used to love tapping him out over and over.

Eventually the instructor started teasing him that a green belt is a color reserved for small children.