Every day after lunch I take a healthy crap. And I feel really good about it. On our floor at work there are 3 bathrooms. 2 toilet stalls in each bathroom.

Over the past 3 months or so I routinely come into a toilet stall that has been violated. Violated the way no office toilet should ever be violated. It doesn’t matter which bathroom I go into or which stall I go in. I have tried switching bathrooms and even vary the time at which I visit them. I cannot escape this bathroom criminal.

I have no idea what this guy eats. Indian food? Mexican food? The feces of other animals? But whatever is happening is both unhealthy and unnatural. Take a moment to admire his work:

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/6505/toilet0le.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Look at that!!!

How the hell does someone spray excrement with such force that it actually becomes spray? It is almost atomized the particles are so fine.

And appreciate the ANGLE at which it has hit the toilet. I don’t know about you but my **** drops right into the bowl. It might touch the side near the water. But SPRAY across and actually HIT the toilet seat itself? Is it possible? Is his anus deformed in such a manner that his exit angle is almost upwards?

And how in God’s name could you leave this kind of spray for others to wretch on? He doesn’t even attempt to flush the little toilet protector piece. As if he is framing his work!

Now you may be wondering to yourself how and why on earth would someone take a picture of this attrocity. The first time I saw it I was simply repulsed. The second and third times I shook my head in disgust. But as I have seen this exact same sight almost a dozen times over the past months I am now morbidly curious as to what kind of creature could expel this kind of waste. Is it human? What type of food does it eat? Was it ever taught the basics of bathroom etiquette? And these questions led me to take a picture with my camera phone today in hopes of understanding this creature and his habits.

And so I share this picture with you in hopes of better understanding – WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

Its either some kind of mythical **** beast with no toilet etiquette, or a man with an extremely powerful anus. Followed by massive acidring, i presume.

Not someone who you want to roll with - you don't want to have this guy control you with north-south, for example.

I think the crap on the seat is the result of this man being blown right off the toilet by the force of his shitting.

Yes if you look closely you can see that the backside of the toilet seat protector has actually been blown off from the force of the excretion.

You need....


www.ratemypoo.com

If you thought that pic was bad, just wait till you see some of the **** on this site.

Possibly not safe for work.

Was that picture safe for work? Sparrow?

Was that picture safe for work? Sparrow?

What picture?

The site.....I don't know....

*sigh*

I'm adding a NSFW tab to this to protect the innocent.

Probably one of the people who live on my floor, or maybe a relative.

"Ever have to take a crap so bad that after you do your pants fit better?"

~Ron White

I submit these archived posts so that you may channel your pain.


Bathroom Ninja

Dear sir,

I have just returned from making the most awfulest **** you could possibly imagine.

As it began it was mostly water and pooish water rocketing in a tepid jet from my ass, as I have been sick for a few days, then I started to shoot pea sized chunks of god knows what all over the bowl, this was bad, but it was only a harbinger of the evil that would spring forth from the very depths of hell via my asshole.

Suddenly all the poo water subsided and my innards began churning and bubbling, suddenly I was hit with an incredible pain.

The turd which slitherd out of my ass started off with what felt like a glue like texture turning to stone, then some type of very hard metal, it was brownish green with a orangish tint to it. There was what looked like hair and or fur, there was peanuts and corn and what looked like little leggos.

This turd sank to the bottommost depths of the bowl clogging the outlet there at the bottom. Then there was some more tar grade material to come pouring from my ass, which was full of twigs and a few berries.

It was over, the bowl was in dissarray to say the least. I tried to flush, but the bowl could not even budge the filth with was spawned from my bowels.

So I just left it there.

I was not on break, I STOPPED working to do this, I didnt flush and didnt wash my hands.

PLEASE go clean that toilet now, you syphillitic donkey fucking **** eating turd burglar of the 6th degree, I poo on YOU and all of your kind.


K. THX. BYE.

PS...

Someone went in behind me and aborted a fetus into the same clogged up, **** covered toilet, yuo need to get your mad ninja skills on that bowl, buddy, its geting worse by the minute....

I also stopped working, on the clock, to go check it out again...

Next stop, water cooler.....

Better get to work, there, slappy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, see, pal, this stomach bug I got is hell, I went to **** again, and all the bowls were full, so I **** in the urinal. This time it was mostly a sludge with bits of foam rubber and what appear to be captain crunch berries...I didnt flush that either, I think everyone in the bathroom at the time was SHITTING, this virus has gotten to everyone here....Better bring your big ninja plunger, slappy.

Loretta the front desk receptionist, says that there is an awful poo in the ladies room, on the little couch they have in there, better get the stanley steemer while your in there, fruity.

Ps. We are ALL on the clock.

K. THX. BYE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It appears as though, now, the affore mentioned **** heap/aborted fetus, has somehow combined fecal/unborn DNA and somehow formed some type of pulsing gurggling **** heap from beyond the anal realm.

It has requested a bucket of the colonels finest extra crispy, as it needs horrible fast food to live.

Please, Bathroom Ninja, stop by and help the poor aborted fetus **** heap monster, so it may slither off to where it is an aborted **** heap fetus may want to slither off to.

Also, Betty from Recieving, said that Fred the Courier has **** the entire cab of his truck full, and the proceeded to cause the toilet down in recieving to implode, and there is an extra-dimensional rift where the toilet used to be.

I know youre not the extra-dimensional rift Ninja, but it USED to be a toilet, so you know, while your at it, hop down there and see what you can do on that matter too, fruitcake.

Boy, a Bathroom ninja must stay busy, what with all these people shitting while they are on the clock, is there a bathroom Ninja school, or was it what your guidance counselor told you, youd be good at, after he finished blowing sopooge all over your back....

The mind absolutely fucking BOGGLES at the possibilities.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOT SO FAST SPARKY.

You failed to check BEHIND the toilet, I had some poo water blowback cover the croched rug around the toilet(my old blind granny made out of the fur of her deceased cat) and it looks like some kind of macrome' ****-nugget floor covering. Please dispatch this "**** carpet" ASAP.

Also, I have now **** IN the water cooler, there you will find a turd of extraordinary magnatude, and could you fix the hot spiggot on the cooler while youre there?

THX. BYE.

This thread is shitty.

****. And I just changed my name, too.

How the hell does someone spray excrement with such force that it actually becomes spray? It is almost atomized the particles are so fine.
I don't know.



But it feels good when you're doing it.:pool:

He lines the seat too. What a pansy.