Sparring, hitting, boxing, etc... are all pretty instinctual for most guys that were raised with brothers, and few men that begin martial arts have an issue with sparring. If anything, most guys spar with too much power and enthusiasm when they're just starting out, and over time they learn to vary the speed and intensity.

However, what methods do you guys suggest for a new, adult, female student that has issues with face contact?

My fiance came from a rather sheltered family, she is in her first month of martial arts. So far she loves the forms, the work out, and the instructors...but the school spars full-contact and each class she's ready to cry and quit. While the instructors do not full-out blast her and put her on her ass, they continually "spar tease" her and pop off shots to her head and face. She hasn't really had enough training to know what to do, and her sparring sessions end up looking like a flailing match as she falls into "survival mode".

Now, I know that many of you are thinking, "What a baby! Get over it and keep training!"...but how many of us can relate to an academic, small statured and passive woman that has NEVER had to deal with aggressive face contact from bigger, more experienced men?

I can't!

Anyway, my question is this: What methods have/do you guys use to help beginning, passive, female students cope with full-contact sparring? What experiences do you have with such students, and what methods work? We're talking baby steps here for a woman that barely knows how to throw a proper punch or kick.

She doesn't want to be a professional fighter, so "Throwing her to the flames and forcing her to survive" isn't really fair...but enrolling her in non-contact cardio kickboxing defeats the purpose.

Please advise.

[quote]We're talking baby steps here for a woman that barely knows how to throw a proper punch or kick.[/qoute]

Learn to punch and kick, learning to fight without fighting is stupid...

second, your fiance should be happy that any dojo that does forms has full contact sparing.

just have her sit out on sparring for a while and spar with her yourself when you get home......just take it easy and slow until she gets better and then turn it up a notch and when she does good there she will be confident andcapable of sparring in class

You've already hit the salient points:
Baby steps.
progression.

Try playing dodgeball with her. It's what I do with kids who are face-shy. Use a beachball and wing it at her head. It won't hurt her, but the the speed of the ball will help her work on her flincing, etc.

My two cents:

I'd suggest her instructors to allow her to try to ktfo of them, being striked full contact, eating some solid strikes (if you can call "solid" her strikes) from her while only defending and "point sparring" (increasing power progressively) her.

This way she can notice how striking full contact is not "deadly by default" and start to lose/control her fear of being striked and concentrate more on technique because her fear doesn't drive her in "survival mode".

Maybe get her some training headgear, so she can warm up to taking shots to the head?

Baby steps. It's going to be a long process and you're going to have to be very patient. If I were you, I'd select a counter-punching sequence and drill the hell out of it for weeks. She obviously doesn't have the context to know what to do in a fight, but if you give her one piece of recognizable territory, that will help a lot.

The reason I suggest counter-punching is so that she can really place her focus on hitting back with power, instead of just not getting hit. If she can't learn to enjoy slugging someone in the ribs/kidney . . . well, there's always cardio-kickboxing.

And, BTW

Why she joined a MA Club?

Thanks for the quick replies, folks. ****, its only been an hour or so!

ElbowTKO: Yeah, I personally like the school. To make it even more surprising...ITS KUNG FU! ::GASPSHITSPITCHOKEDIE::

GummyKing: I was thinking of that too...but I don't want her to look stupid in class. It might fall to that..."Allow her to sit out during sparring or I'll enroll her elsewhere"

Scrapper: Thanks for the advice. I'll have to give that one a shot. Any others that you've found useful with girls/women?

Filtersweep: No one in the school uses headgear or chestgear...which has its ups and downs. While its more realistic and comfortable, headgear really gives a feeling of security for beginners. If I practiced with her and had her wear headgear, then during class she'd feel out of place.

Repulsive Monkey: I like that. It might be a bit advanced for her, though. Do you have any suggestions?

DCS: I'm going to talk to her instructors today or tomorrow and explain that she has "Contact/Abuse Issues". I figure that if they blow me off or give me/her a hard time, then she really doesn't belong at such an impatient school. I'll explain that she wants to either sit out until I can work with her more, or they need to really watch the contact with her until she's a little more experienced. As is, she ain't learning **** from sparring...except that her instructors look like they're showing off.

She's in martial arts because I'm pressuring her (Women need self-defense training whether they want it or not. I also take her target shooting, and we're getting her a personal sidearm in a few months), and because she's always wanted to but lacked the opportunity. She's extremely flexible from yoga/dance, and she looks great and learns the stances/strikes/forms very fast...its the sparring/contact angle that is so difficult for her.

Thanks for the advice, and please keep it coming!

Pillow fight. Give her the half filled feather pillow and you take the one that's spongy foam.

It may not help her in class, but at least it'll be entertaining for the both of you.

Repulsive Monkey: I like that. It might be a bit advanced for her, though. Do you have any suggestions? Scrapper's a better person to ask than me, but I would pick something simple, like a jab-cross, having her check the jab and sidestep/hook on the cross. Whatever it is though, make sure she keeps her head protected, and that she quickly moves away when she's done. Concentrate on having her protect herself and hit with power. Veeery gradually, veeery gently (at first) punish her for her mistakes. In the beginning a tap will suffice.

She's in martial arts because I'm pressuring her (Women need self-defense training whether they want it or not. I also take her target shooting, and we're getting her a personal sidearm in a few months), and because she's always wanted to but lacked the opportunity.

I think there is the problem.


Pillow fight. Give her the half filled feather pillow and you take the one that's spongy foam.

It may not help her in class, but at least it'll be entertaining for the both of you.

Of course it has to be done nude, so you both can perceive the "ki flowing" before the travel to Moons of Jupiter starts.

We're talking baby steps here for a woman that barely knows how to throw a proper punch or kick.


I dont understand why she is sparring?

Start sparring with first having her hit you while you shell up and defend. Then teach her how to defend (live of course) until she's comfortable. No matter how long it takes, that's the first step. Then do isolated sparring drills like just a jab, then add in both straight punches, progressively adding in other things. Whenever you introduce something new for her that will be used in sparring, begin by isolating it. E.G., when teaching takedowns, have her take off her gloves and try and shoot on you, while you can only punch.

DCS: I was actually being facetious, but it is kinda hard to tell from a typed response. Basically, she's always wanted to study martial arts. Since she's done ballet and yoga, she identifies and relates much easier to "Formatic" and "Fluid" systems. In addition, she wants to get in shape and learn to defend herself.

So...full contact Kung Fu seemed like the best option. I figured that they'd use more progressive methods of conditioning...but I get the vibe that the school isn't used to beginning women students.

The "Pressuring" comment was more of a joke, but I do believe that women need some type of self-defense training. I actually debated it during a college course a few years ago.

If I had my way, I'd enroll her in Kickboxing. When she first asked me what to study, I said, "What makes you more uncomfortable...big hairy guys trying to hit you with pads on, or big hairy guys sitting on you?" Instead, we chose a Kung Fu place that trained hard with full sparring.

Ikken: You basically hit the entire fucking problem right spot on. Why the hell is she sparring??? I have no fucking clue, but she's going to have to adapt or we're going to have to find her another school.

The instructor is a really nice guy...I'm sure he'll understand if I approach him the right way.

Repulsive and Feedback basically described how I like to start people out.

The problem with newbies sparring is that they have very little practice actually applying a defense or combo against a real opponent. If you just toss them in there, they will panic and flail, as you have seen.

So, start it easy. Make sure she has at least one combo that she can actually land on a punching bag well, of say maybe a jab, cross. Then make sure she has one defense against an attack. This could be a slip, a parry, or whatever she is comfortable with. Feed her a simple attack, and let her practice the defense, so that she can get confident in not getting pummeled, and can avoid/disrupt the incoming strike. Then let her add in the combo that she earlier practiced as a counter.

Then I like to work on timing. Using the same simple attack, defend and counter drill, start changing the rythm. Throw in little fakes before the simple attack. Nothing fancy, but don't telegraph, and use body language to make it more difficult for her to detect and time. Increase the intent behind your attacks when she seems to be doing well, so that she feels that you are really trying to hit her.

Then try to adapt her defense and counter to a different punch. This may entail altering her defensive techniques a little. Instead of slipping a right cross, have her parry a jab, then throw her combo. Work on lots of different variations.

Next, just keep building upon what you started. Give her another combo counter, let her pick which to use. Start feeding two strike attacks, let her counter. Let her attack with her combo. Interupt her attack, and force her to defend using one of the options that she covered earlier. Start adding in more stuff, focusing on details, etc. Just keep building upon what she has just covered, so that she doesn't get confused with some radically different techniques or tactics.

Pretty soon, she'll be sparring like a champ.