I hear voices. I question reality. I wonder what's real and what's not sometimes--The voices in my head are confusing. They lie, but they tell the truth sometimes too. Part of me wonders whether the myriad of drugs somehow brought forth this condition, but that part of me has less control daily. I feel confounded by a presence, it sits on my back and feeds off my energy. This is one of the realities I believe sometimes. Another has to do with government mind control. Another has to do with aliens. Another has to do with demonic possession. Another is the idea that everyone is an avid telepath, reading my thoughts at will. Sometimes I feel that the other schizophrenics just aren't good enough at playing the game. The game being "try and keep your sanity." I have done well for the past 4 years, but I am nearing a breaking point. Staying functional has become a chore, if you could even call me functional. I don't know what I am anymore. But that doesn't really bother me for some reason.

The voices use to tell me I was Jesus, but that I never believed.

As my insanity increases to the breaking point, I wonder if I should just let go, letting the fires of dementia consume anything I was as a human. Times like these make me understand that I am just that, a human, and I have the illusion of control. It's an illusion I am somewhat fond of, but an illusion none the less. I have influence, not control.


Would anyone care to comment on this? I've written a 150 pg book, "Book of Confusions" that I might try and publish. As if anyone would want to read it anyways. There's still a lot of editing to do anyways.

In case you haven't guessed,, this post was induced by drug use and insanity.

I question reality.

"I question whether what is real really is real or not."

http://img146.exs.cx/img146/8826/wec016fb.jpg

What drugs did you use? Sounds like the result of methamphetamines.

sounds good, I was really worried for you there for a minute

I've only done meth once, and that was about half-way through the insanity.

I think, maybe, cause I got so good at talking to myself in my head that my mind just does it now even when I don't want it to. Or maybe the aliens are beaming lasers into my head.

The drugs i've done consistently are:
Pot
shrooms
oxycodone(opiate use sparingly)
morphine
hydrocodone
mescaline(sparingly)
mdma(sparingly)
cocaine(sparingly with the 2 day binge biannually)
amphetamines(prescription for a month loooool)

Yeah, there's a good chance you'll end up hanging yourself in a psych-ward.

I refuse to be locked up for my insanity. But then again if I were truly insane I don't think I'd mind.

Admitting to being insane always struck me as pretty good proof that you're not insane.

I donno, I tend to view it as different levels of insanity. Sometimes I really do believe I'm demonically possessed.

thanks for sharing

I think, maybe, cause I got so good at talking to myself in my head that my mind just does it now even when I don't want it to. Or maybe the aliens are beaming lasers into my head.


i think a good start would be focusing on the first option here.

In all honesty you should probably seek professional help. Not just post what you are thinking on here. It would be best to speak with a psychiatrist. Maybe also try laying off the drugs....just a thought.


MARTIAL ARTS......MY ANITDRUG!!!

Drugs do not cause Schizofrenia per se. But certain drugs may cause it to spawn or make it worse. I´m talking for experience. I have a cousin interned in a... residence... ´cause he´s Schizofrenic. It came after he smoked crack. That happened when he was seventeen or so, I don´t remmenber. He´s now about 30 or so, and his life is ruined, even if he got cured today, he has lost most of his younghood, if not all.

You´re not Schizofrenic. If you were, you you would know, and everybody around you would know, and you would be under treatment.

This thread seems to me nothing more than "look, I do drugs, I´m c00l".

Oh, and about the text, looks like the stereotyped schizo in movies and books, with little to do with reallity.

This could be caused by an imbalance in the brain. Have you seen a doctor about this yet?

Maybe you're The Dragon Reborn and Lews Therin is trying to convince you not to fight Shaitan.

Either that or you're nuttier than squirrel turds.


By the way, champ: morphine is an opiate, as is anything the ends in "codone."

In all honesty you should probably seek professional help. Not just post what you are thinking on here. It would be best to speak with a psychiatrist. Maybe also try laying off the drugs....just a thought.


im not sure how helpful psychiatrists are, they never helped me. you just hand a check to some asshole who sits in a chair and listens to you for an hour.